To think he should pay more? Genuine question.

[auntmargaret]

Me & ex split up when Dd was 3. She's now 9. At the time he earned around 42K and gave me £280 per month. He's had some promotions since, but told me there were no real pay rises. I never questioned it. He got a big promotion recently, and gave me an extra £45 per month. I asked to see his pay slip cos I had thought for a while he might be underpaying. He said he has no payslip, problems with HR, but gave me some figures on a post it note. Rather than no pay rises, his promotions, before the latest, meant he earned 53K? And he now earns around 63K? AIBU to feel a bit coned?

Or even conned? Bloody I pad.

If he doesn't have further children then you should get about 600 a month.

He is probably underpaying - contact the CSA - don't rely on the postit to be true either.

Seriously, Fairy? He has one older child. I had a feeling I was being had. Didn't want to ask for money, pride, I think. But wow, that's a lot.

i have a 5yr old,never recieved a penny asked him last week for £20 a week he takes home approx £350 told me he couldnt afford it

he has no other dependents

geeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzz CSA here i come

£350 a week

Wow, kids, you and dc deserve more. Go to csa, can't be any less.

Unless you're starving it's probably better to let it go than stress over it. £280 a month is not a bad sum for one child to me and presumably you were managing OK? I don't get a penny for DS1 from my ex and I have never persued it further because it's not worth the hassle, I don't need the money and I have the dignity of not having to go cap in hand to him. I'm not saying that it's wrong to get maintenance if you don't mind claiming it (I do so don't)but I have seen people turn it into such a bitter and acrimonious battle when there is no need over a few pounds. One woman's ex got 4 numbers on the lottery and she spent more than half his winnings on solicitors writing to him to make him hand over what she deemed to be her share. It became more about the point than the money and no one benefitted from it. So if it's likely to cause a lot of aggro I'd take the £280 and run. I realise from RL discussions that this viewpoint is somewhat controversial but it has saved my sanity.

Don't even get me started on maintenance issues today

DrCoconut
I understand what you're saying but for some its just not that simple.
I couldn't afford to live if I didn't receive maintenance.
My ex has nothing to do with DS and for years he didn't pay.
Why should some people get to just up and leave and not contribute there share?
If I hadn't chased the money I dread to think where I'd be.
I had to chase it for my sanity.

For what its worth OP my ex earns 25,000 pa and I get £70 a week.
This is an agreement between me and him now. So it sounds like your ex is definitely under paying.

The calculator used by the CSA is here

It does sound like he should be contributing a lot more.

I earn ~£53k, one DS, and pay my ex £525 which is a little over what the CSA would calculate my contribution to be.

You have one child, and you get more than I do for two. He should contribute directly to things for your dd, but I wouldn't expect more money that comes to you. Can you get him to pay directly for some of her extra curricular stuff, or school trips instead? That's what I'd do.

You don't say what sort of money he spends on your dd when he sees her, or if he buys her clothes and shoes and things. That makes a big difference.

I earn 50k and contribute £500 pm in CM for one dd. I think the CSA calc is £375 based on the number of nights I have dd.

auntmargaret. The payslip problem is bollocks, excuse my French. He gets one , he's just not wanting to show it to you.

i think thats a pretty fair amount already tbh and cant believe you asked to see his payslip.

I used to work 35hrs per week in a nursery and £500 per month was my wage
I was married with 2 children
£500 per month is alot of money to me

Thanks for all the replies. Very helpful. I have thought that he should have raised it in 6 years, but I had no idea his wages had increased so much. Mr Gin, I know the payslip excuse is bollocks. He gets other benefits like rent and clothing allowances that I know he won't be including in his calculations and he doesn't want me to see them. I think the rent allowance is around £2K per annum but given how off I've been on all his other figures, that could be wrong. He doesn't make any other contribution, doesn't buy shoes or clothes and never has her overnight. I want him to pay her what she's due but without his payslip, I can't work that out cos don't know tax code etc. I will ask him again.

I think you are right to question it. It's not about what is and isn't a lot of money to anyone else - it's about how much money he's earning and how much he should therefore be paying towards your child!
Good luck.

Well he either shows you his payslip or the CSA go to his employer and see his payslip. Give him the choice maybe...... maybe not.

There is nothing wrong with you getting what's due to your dc.

Yes, it sounds like he should definitely pay more - he is your DD's father and she is entitled to a proportion of his income, the same as if you were living together.

Thanks again everyone. He will give me the payslip, I think, eventually, he is in the sort of job where CSA involvement would be very bad for his career. Just need to keep at it, he has got away with it for long enough. On the upside, he sees her regularly, and they adore each other.

My DH pays his ex wife more than that for one child and is on a bit more than 42,000, but we have 4 DC he is finacially responsible for, so that is taken into account, which means he pays less than he otherwsie would. In his case the CSA aren't involved, but he has worked out calculations based on what the CSA would say and then given some extra, he also pays extra for things for DSS. I would personally go to the CSA. The more maintenance he pays, the better quality of life your DD can have surely? Even if you're not poorly off finacially, it may be the difference between affording to take your daughter on holiday each year or not.

My DH is earning similar to your ex-P. There are four of us living off his salary. £500 PM could be afforded if he were in this situation. Your ex-P can afford to pay more, after all this is for the benefit of his child, presumably he quite happily contributed to her being conceived.

well after reading this and starting a thread about my situation last week i have just made a application through the CSA this afternoon

i did contact him last week and asked for £25 a week but said he couldnt afford it,so will leave it with the CSA and see what happens,mind if they do manage to get a payment he will have to pay far more than £25,he hasnt paid or wanted to be involved in 5yrs

One warning though - is his older child with someone else?

If so the CSA will calculate 20% of his income (up to a certain maximum limit I believe) but you will only see half of that - the other mother will get the rest. So although he might be paying more, you could end up worse off.

If he is paying the same maintenance to another woman already as he is paying to you, he is already paying a lot.

Also I don't see what difference csa involvement would make to his career. My partner pays via the csa and his employers have nothing to do with it. Perhaps if you are the sort that won't pay via direct debit and they have to go and take it at source, but that probably isn't the case for your ex.