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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids and dogs

34 replies

Fridaysgirl · 07/03/2012 13:05

My parents live some distance away. They have two massive and energetic dogs. I have a one year old and a two year old.
Whenever they come to stay they insist on bringing their dogs. Whilst they are friendly they tread mud in and out of the house, mill around the kitchen and generally get in the way. They lick the kids faces and would also take food of them if not stopped. They will occasionally chew furniture and shoes.
My parents know I am reluctant for them to bring the dogs and I also have two cats who get upset when they come.
My oldest child needs a small operation soon and I asked my parents if they could come and look after my youngest whilst we are in hospital. They have said they will but only if they can bring their dogs. I am uncomfortable with this. They are elderly and I think they will find managing the dogs and safely looking after my one year old daughter a struggle.
My mother has told me I am being unreasonable and that their dogs are part of the family and that they get very upset when they have to put them in kennels. Cost isn't a factor I have offered to pay. I feel they are prioritising their dogs over their grandchildren?
AIBU?

OP posts:

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn · 07/03/2012 13:09

No, and they are. Find someone else to look after your child. Or try telling your mother that you've been on to social services for help and your child will be going into respite care and see what she says - might make her think a bit about what she's actually saying to you when she insists the dogs are as important as your children.
Send her a load of those awful articles when children have been mauled by "loving family pets" too :(
Dogs are not family ok dog lovers, shoot me now...

midori1999 · 07/03/2012 13:11

YABU.

It's fine for you to not want your parents to bring their dogs into your home but you then have to accept they may not visit.

I will not kennel my dogs and it's not due to cost so someone offering to pay wouldn't make a difference.

abrakebabra · 07/03/2012 13:14

Tricky situation but I think YABU.

Kennels is not just about cost - I won't put my dog in kennels as it's massively distressing to her. Can you pay for home boarding instead maybe?

Hassled · 07/03/2012 13:15

Is there anyone else you can ask? If they're elderly, are they going to manage the 1 year old even without the dogs?

I don't think you are being unreasonable - I think your needs re your child's op trump their dog-related needs - but it doesn't sound like that's the issue anymore. They're not going to budge, so the issue is what other arrangements can you make?

LtEveDallas · 07/03/2012 13:15

To elderly people dogs ARE family. Their dogs are there, are with them when their sons and daughters aren't. Unless the OP is ready to say that she is with her mum and dad every day, then she needs to understand that her parents dogs take her place when she is not there.

If your parents are elderly then maybe they shouldn't be looking after your one year old in any case.

Why isn't the father looking after the one year old?

(Oh and I will never put my dog in kennels. That probably means my choices are limited, but so be it, that is what I took on when I took on my dog)

5Foot5 · 07/03/2012 13:21

"My mother has told me I am being unreasonable and that their dogs are part of the family"

But surely even members of the family should be expected to behave and show respect for someone else's house and family? If she was bringing two young children with her who trailed mud everywhere, damaged your furniture and shoes and snatched food from your children and she did nothing to correct them and make them stop then it would be reasonable to object. If she wants her dogs with her she should realise that she IBU to let them carry on like this in someone else's home and not correct them.

Have you git anyone else who could look after your children? Tour PILs perhaps. Or maybe your DH could take time off.

Ephiny · 07/03/2012 13:22

I think you need to pay for childcare (or ask someone else to do you the favour).

I can completely understand you not wanting big dogs rampaging around your house when you're not there, especially with a small child to consider. But can also see your parents point of view - to me my dogs are absolutely family, and I wouldn't put them in kennels - one of mine is elderly and needs to be warm and comfy at home, and the other has separation anxiety and would be distressed at being left in a strange place.

imnotmymum · 07/03/2012 13:22

YANBU We have a dog and I still say no to dog owning family member visitors. I understand that they are reluctant for kennels but this is their GD and their other GD is in hospital you are not being unreasonable at all. I am sorry but you must tell them they are being unreasonable as much as I love my dog and he is part of the family I would not think twice

attheendoftheday · 07/03/2012 19:47

YABU. Your right not to have the dogs in the house, your parent's right not to do you a favour and help with childcare if it means distressing their dogs. Your parents are under absolutely no obligation to provide childcare. Either find someone else or agree to their terms (or try to compromise - dogs just in the kitchen maybe?)

BareBums · 07/03/2012 19:51

Do not leave your one year old if you fear their safety. SIL has a large dog and always says he's harmless but he isn't - he tried to bite my DD plenty times so we don't go there unless the dog is outside.

Just pay for someone else to look after your child.

YANBU

TidyDancer · 07/03/2012 19:53

YABU.

If you want the free childcare, I think you need to accept that conditions can be put on it. Your parents have offered to help you upon your request and their condition is that they can bring their dogs. Sounds reasonable enough to me. If it's not reasonable to you, you give a polite refusal and find another way to get childcare.

Can one parent go to the hospital with the DC having the operation and then you tag team for the time they are staying there?

TidyDancer · 07/03/2012 19:54

Oh, and I wouldn't put my dog in kennels either. She would find it horribly distressing and I just couldn't/wouldn't put her through that. So it's completely understandable that your parents have chosen not to do this.

SoftSheen · 07/03/2012 20:05

Wouldn't the obvious solution be for your father to stay at home looking after the dogs and your mother come by herself to take care of your child? (Or of course vice versa)

BeerTricksPott3r · 07/03/2012 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RuleBritannia · 07/03/2012 20:40

Ugh! The very thought of my child's face being licked by a dog is dreadful. Dogs lick their anuses and we all know what is emitted from there. So your DC would have dog poo on his/her face. Please have childcare from someone other than your parents if they want to bring their dogs. Please!

Silver6 · 07/03/2012 22:04

I am a dog-lover and our family have always had dogs and I think YANBU. NO dog is 100% bombproof when it comes to kids - I would never leave my DS alone with a dog. Kids and dogs are both unpredictable and a friendly pounce from a toddler can lead to a less than friendly bite from a dog. Even my granny's most docile labrador once gave a grandchild a nip.

WitchOfEndor · 08/03/2012 14:43

Agree with SoftSheen, can your DF not stay home with the dogs? This is a one-off type event, it's not like you are asking them to do it all of the time.

Rebekmah · 08/03/2012 14:47

Another suggestion, would your parents agree to a petsitter in their home,who walk dogs, feed them and keep them company. There are some organisations offer temporary "boarding" in their own homes.

bumperella · 08/03/2012 15:00

One-year-olds cannot be relied upon to behave kindly to dogs, and in return, dogs can't be relied upon not to react. If you really feel your parents will not be able to keep the dogs and child apart, then you can't have them babysit for you. You can't expect them to come to your house to look after your child and leave the dogs behind. However, I'd imagine that if they can't keep their dogs away from one child, then perhaps they're too elderly to babysit for any length of time anyway?
Tolerating the dogs sounds like it will be a necessity if you want your children to get to know their grandparents, but maybe best when you're around.

MothershipG · 08/03/2012 15:15

RuleBritania you do know that lots of children actually grow up with dogs and quite a few even survive the experience. In fact they tend to be healthier for it.

OP I can understand your parents concerns so you need to find a solution you can both be happy with and as other posters have suggested dog boarding or home-sitting might work better than kennels.

Jamdoughnutfiend · 08/03/2012 15:28

YABU - I can see both sides and despite being a dog owner can appreciate that not everyone wants dogs around their children, but I think if you want your parents help, you need to accept they come as a package with their dogs too.

WashingLion · 08/03/2012 16:16

YANBU. My parents are elderly and dislike dogs. I have a large dog and never take it to their house as to do so would be appallingly ill-mannered. Sometimes we all need a bit of help. I like to think that I would always put my parents before my dog. If there are conditions attached to help, it is not help. I presume that one day thet may need your help?

LauraShigihara · 08/03/2012 16:26

Could one of your parents come and look after your baby on their own? We have always had dogs and they have never been kenneled.

FlossieTeacakeShouldFakeIt · 08/03/2012 16:35

YABU to think your parents should put the dogs in kennels. I wouldn't put my do in a kennel, even if it was paid for by someone else.

YANBU to hope that another solution can be found, but you do have to respect that your parents love their it's and have a duty to make sure they are cared for properly, even if that means they have to put them before their GC?

PeanutButterChocolate · 08/03/2012 16:36

YANBU. I love all dogs big and small and welcome them all into my home but I would never expect to take my dog into someone else's home unless they were specifically invited and I knew they were genuinely welcome. Big dogs bring a lot more mess, hair etc as well so they are being inconsiderate to not think about that.

I can understand why they might not want to kennel the dogs but could you perhaps find a dog-sitter that might go in and take care of them?

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