Mrs Bloody Judgy Pants - And yes I know IABU but need to vent anyway!

[ohdearwhatdoidonow]

Right. For the record, I hate the Daily Mail and my view on the benefits system is laid back. Yes there are people that cheat the system, but by and large I believe that it supports those who need it.

I have worked from being 16, I have been fortunate to not have to rely on any benefits apart from SMP twice. Never been entitled to anything else.

I have lived in my current house for 14 years, it was an ex council house but I bought it from someone who had bought it from the council.

My current next door neighbour moved in (to an existing council house) about 6 years ago following a nasty divorce, she delighted in telling me "how much she had come down in the world"! by moving into our street!

Anyway - she has 4 kids, 18, 14, 12 and 1. Never worked a day since moving in. She had had a nose job and a boob job, and she told me/and showed me! I didn't ask how - not my business.

Now this is a rough neighbour - Police have battened her door down, her son has slept on my couch because she's locked him out, banned for drink driving and driving under the influence of drugs. I know this - she has quite openly told me. Lots of late night screaming matches with her "friends" and "boyfriends", police called regularly, about a dozen times in the last 2 or 3 years they have knocked on my door looking for her or her son etc etc - you get the picture.

Our relationship has deteriorated. Her kids throw dirty nappies into my garden, she built 2 bloody sheds in her front garden (facing my front door).

Anyway - sorry - point of this the bloody council. Despite putting new fencing around her garden last year, this week they've spent 3 days painting the bloody thing. Left the house this morning she's getting her bloody house and windows painted. They were all only done last year. She had a new kitchen at Christmas because she had a fire (her fault).

Now AIBU (I know I am and this is more personal than general) for thinking this person does not deserve all the help/money/support that she is getting when there are far more worthy causes to spend my bloody tax on! It's so frustrating turning out for work every day, doing a 50 or 60 hour week to see her milking it!

bumbley what, so it's better for her to come on here, post about something that has been literally done to death, with her assumptions and accusations and judgements? FGS, if she's that upset over it, she can just march on over to the neighbour and air her views and get it over with. Or, as suggested, she can simply quite whinging, give up her job, and go from there.

Obviously the neighbour is receiving benefits legitimately and not fraudulently, as surely the OP would have banged on about that as well. Although she does claim the neighbour is "milking it," I suspect that the OP is just annoyed and not implying that there is fraud involved. The OP has no say in how the neighbour receives her income, be it from benefits or full time work, and it's none of the OP's business. And people can bang on about "providing for your own" all they like, but realistically some people DO need assistance. That's life.

The OP has managed to get on the property ladder by purchasing a home, which means she will only benefit from the neighbour's property being well maintained. So I'm at a loss to understand why the OP is moaning about it, other than simple jealousy.

It's quite obvious the OP disapproves of the neighbour (although interesting to note she says the relationship deteriorated which rather implies that at one point they were friends, using that term loosely, and the OP overlooked the neighbour's foibles) and now anything even remotely involving the neighbour is going to be seen with a critical eye, regardless.

You can't say that your not prejudiced and then in the next sentence go right ahead and be prejudiced, and then expect to be taken seriously. Really its just too transparent

OP, I see you've come back a bit more reasonable, which is nice. Honestly, the council is not going to do maintenance that they don't need to, so the easiest thing to do is just to assume there is a valid reason and leave it at that. I'm pretty sure that painting a fence and a house is not going to cause the shutdown of local services by itself.

Prejudiced how?? I have not made a stereotypical judgement about EVERYONE on benefits, and I never have - just check my posts. It's about the 1 person I've mentioned!

"It's quite obvious the OP disapproves of the neighbour (although interesting to note she says the relationship deteriorated which rather implies that at one point they were friends, using that term loosely, and the OP overlooked the neighbour's foibles) and now anything even remotely involving the neighbour is going to be seen with a critical eye, regardless"

We were never "friends", we were neighbours, which meant I helped where I could, kept an eye on her kids whilst she nipped out, lent her tea and coffee, paracetemol, toilet roll and sugar etc, took in parcels for her, and she for me, called the Police when she screamed for help as her ex-boyfriend was trying to break into her house (for her then to have a go at me me because it meant social services would get involved). TBH I now don't see her from one day to the next apart from the issues I've mentioned. And normally - 364 days a year I don't care what she does or doesn't do, each to their own.

I have said quite clearly that today (this morning) was a culmination of many irrational frustrations coming together.

But I would like to thank you all for responding! It's jolted me back to normality, so cheers! :)

x

If we weren't allowed to post about certain topics on MN becuase they had been 'done to death' then we wouldn't be posting about anything! If some one needs to vent then let them. If you don't want to read it - don't.

OMG I just found myself agreeing with Worra's first post.

Shiiiiiiit

But you didnt come on and just vent about what she had done, you added all your prejudice about benefit recipients to the pot too, after you had said, im not being prejudiced but....... So you KNOW you are being prejudiced.

Maybe you think you are a cut above because you own your own house?

To be fair, she actually sounds vile and the fact that she doesn't own her house works in your favour - she has to act within the terms of her tenancy agreement, she isn't, she is allowing her kids to conduct anti-social behaviour. So report her to the council and let them sort it out. I doubt she will be evicted, but they will make it clear it is unacceptable and if she is half way reasonable she will pack it in.

Also, if we all agreed with you, you wouldnt be able to get cross with your computor screen and vent your spleen, so we are doing you a favour really!

have lots of sympathy with you OP and I honestly think sometimes you're just not allowed to say "actually I think there are better things the council could be doing with our money than helping this person''. That is a value judgement but all of politics is a value judgement on priorities for expenditure. She sounds completely vile - I have no reason to think the council are doing anything more than they are required too - maintaining the property, but I don't think YABU at all to feel the need for a rant about it.

How about this?

You can say "actually I think there are better things the council could be doing with our money than helping this person"...

and I can say "actually I think there are better things that you could be doing than worrying about what services and help the neighbour is getting from the council"...

tomato... tomahto....

YANBU!

Is 'being judgy', 'judgmental' or 'wearing judgy pants' the absolutely worst thing that someone can be on mumsnet? '...You are judging!' seems to be the most dreadful accusation to be levelled at someone. Umm...well, I've looked at the situation, and this is my view of it..I wouldn't do it like that, or I think that's the wrong way to go about it...What's that if not judgmental?