To not go now?

[Wretched]

So, I am currently on ml with dc2 who is 8 weeks old today. Prem baby so pretty high maintenance up to now, but have managed a couple of trips out to shops with a friend since we came home from hospital 4 weeks ago. And done school run etc.

My DH works in another town which has a popular farmers market today. He also has a bit of data entry work he wants me to do. Dc2 usually zonks out when in pram so the plan for this morning was for me to head over there about half nine and have a browse around the market, do some work for DH which will only take about an hour, then have lunch with DH.then home.

So, dc2 has had a bad night, wouldn't bf too well as had a snuffle nose, just not a very settled night. DH does not cope well with such nights and is full of plans and strategies for the next night ( which he always forgets about at bedtime) he is not involved in nighttime care by the way, I am happy to do get ups etc as he is working long hours and I am on ml.

So, at breakfast, he asks if I'm still planning on coming over. I say yes, it will do me good to get out.he says " make sure you look presentable then "

Wtf? As if I would go over to his work looking like shit! Of course, as I was going to farmers market first it would have been jeans, boots and sweater, but hair and makeup done. He works in jeans and thirst btw is just a poncey twat

So as he went out the door, he kissed me and said so I'll see you in a bit then? I replied yeah, if I can make myself presentable enough. He said oh ffs don't take things the wrong way. AIBU?

T shirt not thirst!

Your both tired. I wouldn't take it to heart. We all say things that can be taken in the wrong way when we are tired. It will do you good. Try and have a nap after the market, then do the data entry.

Er right, I'm sure a quick nap at dh's desk will go down really well!

Assuming he wasn't intending to be sarky, he probably just engaged mouth before brain, completely forgetting that you have never turned up looking like the proverbial bag lady.

I think you would BU if you didn't go, just to punish him for an unintended slight.

It is upsetting when you are really working hard and it doesn't get properly appreciated, but in my long experience men "just don't get it".

I have a friend who always says "bless him" about her DH, when he does something stupid like this. I've started doing it to - and I don't know why, but it seems to work - maybe its because it so beautifully patronising?

Good luck

I'm thinking more like he is ashamed of the way I look. He always prides himself on being really handsome and well groomed. Yesterday he was at the gym at 6.30, had a nice sauna and power shower after and went to work leaving me to do school run in scrubby clothes because I was running around like a dick.

The purpose of the morning out was really to give me a break and a change of scene, and also for him to show baby dc2 off to work friends who haven't seen baby yet. Obviously I'm not up to scratch for his today. Fuck him, never mind bless him!

After a bad night and with that degree of provocation you can be as unreasonable as you like! My DH and I have a running joke when we're going out and made an obvious effort, one of us will say 'you're not getting changed then?'. Sounds like you're going to have a nice day, enjoy it and your lovely baby.

Tell him you would just love to come and do his work for him but it would take you longer to make yourself presentable than it would to do the work... he was a bit of an arse, to say the very least let him do his own data entry!

Oh Wretched, this is more than a one off then? Tell him how you're feeling and get some practical help from a friend/relative so you can feel batter about how you look, you're obviously' feeling it' and he's hit a nerve. Sorry.

Now I would take offence but then again I am high maintenance ... I would have been seriously mardy with him the cheeky sod and I would go after being all indignant and use the excuse for him to buy me a treat, new clothes obviously so I look "presentable".

My husband has never said anything like that to me, when we have been out with people from his work. I'm not surprised that you feel hurt. You had a baby 8 weeks ago and a prem baby at that - I think you are more than entitled to not be focussing too much on appearance right now. I think your dh would do well to spend less time at the gym, and more time helping you. Then perhaps you wouldn't feel so tired.

Oh hun, some peope really dont realise how sleep deprivation twists our normal perspective! He was thoughtless because he doesnt have the responsibility you do with the children because of his work.

Does he do the Gym every day? Id suggest strongly that if you are doing this again he doesnt do the gym but does the breakfast and school run so you have a bit of a chance to look gorgeous! He cant have it all ways. My ex was exactly the same usually but always did Ds breakfast and made sure he was dressed when I had dd as a baby. Its not much but it made a big difference to my stress levels.

I think you should glam up as much as is feasible and look amazing, glide into the office - give him the baby to show off and go for a coffee before doing his data entry stuff

The data entry thing is only a small bit of the day, he is clearly worried that wife with dark circles and lank hair that badly needs cutting will smash his creation of domestic bliss he has been portraying to all and sundry easy to do when you have a full night sleep and a sauna before work

Not sure about the getting practical help from friend. The dh should be pulling his weight - might give him some appreciation of what looking after a prem newborn is like.

You seem to be a smart, respectable Woman, who knows how to look good. Your DH knows too, obv. He might have meant - because obviously you are tired and busy with baby and I he have an extra special lunch date/surprise for you!

Thanks big girl. I don't think he has anything of the sort planned tbh. Anyway dc2 is being extra adorable since daddy has gone out so we night have a dressing gown and chocolate day. Plus its raining so market wont be much cop. Gah, I hate how he can make me feel like shit, I've been doing so well at getting out and about!

No go out super glam make the most of baby being good and do get extra gorgeous !!!

My DS was 24 weeks when born I do know how you feel as they are (as you so accurately put it) high maintenance :) My baby was asleep for most of the time but keeping him in a consistantly warm environment was critical. You seem to be doing fab! Very positive.

So you feel DH made the comment in order to make your efforts seem worthless?

No, just that he was worried I was going to show him up.

To clarify, he is always nagging me to be more glamorous. He is a big fan of posh hair salons and as such has a lot of beautician type friends. He is always offering me to go and have fake nails. Eyelashes. Tans.

It's not my style. I love my ghd's and my makeup and I have a good figure with good taste but I am not, and am never going to be high maintenance. I am a full time working mum usually. He seems to think that maternity leave = loads of time so sit around and I should be looking super nice because I have all this time to do it

Must be irritating. I do not want to, I'm OK as I am. It is not up for discussion, as an answer.

You don't need extra 'beautifications' by the sounds of it.

It can get wearing if he is nagging :(

Oh actually if he being like that do not get super gorgeous and do not go idiot !! [him not you, the idiot] OMG who does he think he is ???