Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that this was out of order?

28 replies

goingeversoslowlymad · 07/03/2012 01:10

Am new here so please be gentle with me, here goes.

Ok bit of background. My mum has a neighbour who lives directly across the road who basically makes it her business to know everybody else's business, I'll call said nieghbour Betty. I usually get a bit of a chuckle at some of the snippets my mum tells me but today I was totally aghast and pissed off at something my told me her neighbour had done, even though it doesn't involve me nor do I know the person.

Anyway my mum lives next door to a single mum (I'll call her Lisa), with 2 teenage dc's, boy aged 19 and girl aged 16. The mum is apparently a lovely lady who is out at work most of day, son works and daughter is doing her GCSE'S, lovely family who mostly keep themselves to themselves.

So last week Betty was apparently cleaning her bedroom when she happened to look out the window to see Lisa's DD answer the door to her boyfriend. It was apparently half term holidays. The DD was apparently just wearing her dressing gown. Anyway he went in the house and a minute or two later Betty observes the girl closing her bedroom curtains. They are there almost an hour when the boy hurriedly leaves and a few minutes later Lisa's brother, the girls uncle arrives. He leaves a few mins later and then the boy returns.

So a day or two later Betty and her husband make a point of going across to Lisa to tell her what they observed her DD doing! Lisa thanked them and seemed to be very concerned for her daughter.

I'm sorry but I thought this was totally out of order and Betty and her husband have gone too far. For Betty to have seen that much she must have sat purposefully watching and that is such an invasion of that poor girls privacy, she is over the age of consent FGS. I just feel so awful for the girl even though I don't really know her.

Sorry it's long, didn't want to drip feed. So anyway do you think AIBU to think this is well out of order?

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 07/03/2012 01:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tallwivglasses · 07/03/2012 01:15

Come on you KNOW you ar NBU.

Betty's a weirdo. You will be too if you don't step away Grin

WorraLiberty · 07/03/2012 01:15

Well I was all set to call her a busy body but....

Lisa thanked them and seemed to be very concerned for her daughter

Leads me to believe that Lisa may have asked the neighbour to keep an eye out while she's at work (not an unusual request to a neighbour home all day)

Either way, if Lisa was thankful then that's the main thing I think (personally)

BlackLetterDay · 07/03/2012 01:19

I think yanbu, Betty is an intolerable busybody. The dd is 16 and tbh it's none of her goddamn business, if I was Lisa I would probably prefer not to know tbh, the dd isn't actually doing anything wrong.

WorraLiberty · 07/03/2012 01:21

How do you know the DD is not doing anything wrong?

What if Lisa has expressly told her DD she's not allowed her boyfriend in?

What if she's told her she's not allowed him in her bedroom?

Being over the age of legal consent for sex, doesn't mean the DD is allowed to do as she pleases if doing as she pleases means going against her Mother's rules/wishes in her home for example.

Original poster
goingeversoslowlymad · 07/03/2012 01:23

No I don't think she would of asked her to look out for her daughter. Lisa's brother calls round to check when lisa is not there. From what my mum has said, Lisa is quite quiet reserved person so I don't think she would have made a fuss with Betty. Maybe thanking her was her way of being polite and keeping the peace. It must be hard when someone you don't really know that well comes and tells you something like that!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/03/2012 01:26

Ahh so it's all ifs, buts and maybes isn't it?

You don't know that Lisa didn't ask the neighbour to look out and you don't know that Lisa wasn't genuinely thankful when she thanked her neighbour and seemed concerned.

It seems to me that there is more than one neighbour in that street who is putting 2 + 2 together and making 5 Wink

LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 07/03/2012 04:01

I don't think Betty is the only one who likes to know everyone else's business.

troisgarcons · 07/03/2012 06:07

If the mother is a private person, she' not going to have an outraged hissy fit when the neighbour called round or show any emotion. Especially if said neighbour is a nosey old bat who likes causing trouble. Mother will deal with any arising issues in the privacy of her own home rather than sharing them with gossip central!

Shutupanddrive · 07/03/2012 08:19

I don't see what it's got to do with you? Are you Betty?

LIZS · 07/03/2012 08:24

has "Betty" been gossiping about it to your mum ? She is making assumptions , how would she know if it was a boyfriend or not ?

Original poster
goingeversoslowlymad · 07/03/2012 09:14

I don't know why this has gotten me so irrationally angry. I don't know them but I just feel really bad for the girl. Everyone deserves some privacy.

TBH Betty has always made me feel a bit uneasy. I couldn't really do much as a teenager without Betty reporting back to my mum. I just accepted it as how it was and I think my mum liked it as she knew we would toe the line for fear of Betty telling her. I felt a bit stifled tbh.

However a year or two back me and DH pulled up in the car having a bit of a barney and I was a bit emotional and upset, you guessed it Betty saw and mentioned it to my parents. At the time I was furious but my mum just shrugged it off with "you know what she's like". I let it drop.

My mum would be careful herself what she says to Betty but seems to enjoy Betty's gossip at times. I can only assume this is because she's getting older and doesn't get out as much, still no excuse though. FWIW my mum thinks Betty has gone too far and has apparently told her this.

I feel a bit sad and pathetic that this angered me so much but hey ho. Thanks for your replies.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 07/03/2012 09:18

Does Betty live upstairs from me im sure i recognise the nosy old moo and gossipis about EVERYBODY , i have stopped speaking to betty . some folk are just nosy and like to be busy bodies ,

Original poster
goingeversoslowlymad · 07/03/2012 09:24

Mrsjay - I think every neighbourhood has their very own Betty. Thank god I don't live next to one these days!

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 07/03/2012 09:28

she sounds like a spy, and she wont change. i think you are irrationally angry because she did this to you. not the boyfriend but the gossiping. she sounds like a right nutter character.
we have a similar neighbour.
i spect we all do.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/03/2012 09:28

i did that at 16 and was in no danger whatsoever and had a steady partner, how ridiculous and nosey of "betty"

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/03/2012 09:29

and if the mother is "very concerned" then she is maybe a wee bit overprotective and needs to let her DD grow up.

Bloodymary · 07/03/2012 09:31

I used to have a "Betty" living opposite me, the bloody woman was forever in her kitchen curtain twitching.

She must have a boring little life.

whackamole · 07/03/2012 09:35

It's one thing to tell someone their teenage daughter has secretly had a boy in the house - it's quite another to share this with another neighbour!

YANBU. She sounds like a horrible old busybody.

WibblyBibble · 07/03/2012 10:44

Betty is a filthy perv! OTOH useful to have someone around to spy on your teenage kids, I'd think? I just honestly don't care enough to think either 'side' is unreasonable here, sorry.

MrsJonesisright · 07/03/2012 13:09

So "Lisa's brother calls round to check when Lisa is not there". The dd tells bf to make himself scarce when uncle is about to drop in.

Sounds like the dd is flouting a rule here, but it was ever thus......

Betty is a nosey old boot, but at least she is upfront about it in having told Lisa. She should not, however have told your mum. But then your mum shouldn't have told you...........

And I shouldn't be reading about it and commenting on it. But then I'd have to do my ironing.

Pendeen · 07/03/2012 14:33

DD is only 16, she is still a child and it's perfectly natural for 'Betty' to be worried and obligated to tell 'Lisa' even if 'Betty' is a busybody!

If DD was 15 years and 11 months, 30 days old then what should 'Betty' do? Two days later, when DD is 16 years and 1 day old, what should 'Betty' do then?

YABU.

Debsbear · 07/03/2012 14:39

I don't think Betty was being unreasonable to tell the mother if she was concerned, I would want to know if it was my daughter. On the other hand Betty is bang out of order to tell your mother and your mother is bang out of order to tell you. One thing to warn a mother about a potential problem and a completely different one to spread gossip about a young girl

DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 07/03/2012 22:35

YADNBU.
Betty's a weird lady

differentnameforthis · 07/03/2012 23:59

Just because the girl is over the age of consent, doesn't mean that 'Lisa' approves of the relationship and/or them carrying on at her house.

Yes, "Betty" is somewhat nosey, but Lisa can do what she likes with the information that Betty supplied.

Lisa thanked them and seemed to be very concerned for her daughter Seems Betty may have done her a favour?

Where does your mum come into this? Aside from spreading gossip on Lisa's daughter's life?

Swipe left for the next trending thread