to want to give up work

[stressedsostressed]

I have name changed.

I have good childcare as long as my children are fit and well. I have no other option but to take unpaid leave when my children are ill. My family work and my husband has not got family close by.

I have had to take time off about 4 weeks this year already and my Husband a week.

at the moment we are both facing warning in work over this.

reality is that we as a family can not afford for one parent to give up work.

on top of this my son has low level austim and still wakes up in the night, it is leaving me very tired.

Sorry, but, what's the question? AYBU to want to stop working? No. That doesn't mean you can.

Can you see if you can arrange some alternate childcare?

at the moment we are both facing warning in work over this

let them try

the government states that you are entitled to appropriate unpaid leave to take care of dependants
it doesn't specify a number of days or weeks
who is your employer to decide what an appropriate amount of time is -especially if one of your DCs has SEN

tribunal would have a field day!

Is there anyway you can change your finances so you can cope on one wage? (or both going part time) move to a cheaper area for example. This isn't a quick solution, but could it work?

Can you/your DH look for a different job that is more flexible? Either being able to work from home or flexible hours?

It's shit isn't it?

unless ther is a childminder or nursery who is willing to have a sick child then i can't.

workshy thanks for that.

our finances are dismal, all debt and no saving luckly we live in a cheap area for rent

We used to use a babysitting agency when ds1 was younger. They charged about £7 an hour, so not cheap, but perhaps if you could afford to pay someone to come to your house and care for a sick child, then you could go to work.

Are you getting DLA for your child with autism? I get it for my DS with HFA which allowed me to give up work as it meant I could get Carer's Allowance and additional tax credits. Overall it has covered the loss of my wage when I factored in the cost of commute etc.

I found I could not work due to DS's autism, childcare needed to be more specialised, DS also has problems sleeping which made me tired and I also kept getting warned for taking time off work when childcare couldn't cope with him.

I am not getting DLA for my son. The form itself freaked me out.

Aah poor you it's so hard. Please don't get freaked out by the form. My little boy has mild cerebral palsy so we receive DLA. Just set aside some time at night and do four or five pages until you get though it. Don't try to complete it all at once. I work part time now, I am a teacher but I am doing a child minding course so I can be a registered child minder (ssshhhhh work don't know...). If working full time is too stressful look into working part time and tightening your belts a little. If anyone had ever told me I would take a drop of £1200 a month I wouldn't have believed we could have coped but we have. Good luck. Try not to worry about work. Make some changes - put you and your family first.

thank you for taking the time out to answer this thread.

i am off to bed now as i have to be up a 5am, will check this thread tomorrow and once again thankyou all

There is a great guide to filling out the DLA form on the Cerebra website. You might be able to get help filling in the form from an advisor, it depends on what's available in your area. Our local Carer's Centre have advisors and some CABs have them too.

Do you get any support from Social Services? We get short breaks which is just a few hours a week at a specialist play scheme, it means you could spend time catching up on sleep/chores or spend time with your other children.

Sorry you are having such a tough time :(

Are you claiming tax credits? Dont forget you get this as long as one of you works enough hours. Its not a wage replacement I know, and not ideal; but it may just give you the breathing space you need for a while - no one surely could blame you for giving up work to care for your family, I certainly wouldn't!

The CAB will put you in touch with some one to help you fill the form in for DLA if you give them a ring.

Just think though, if you give up work and are less stressed generally, can sleep better and cope with your dc autism better - give it 6 months you may well be able to work part time again. I cannot see the point in struggling on as you are if you can make a change for the better. Life is way to short to be strung out every day x

A friend of mine - a lawyer - has a (very dependent - sorry, don't know specific terminology - but not high-functioning) autistic child for whom she claims DLA. When the initial award was made, she - as she puts it - 'thought like a lawyer' and appealed the level. It was raised. So...best of luck with your application, get help doing it, and absolutely don't give up or accept the first award given.

I don't think parental leave legislation applies here - in my work, that is used for planned absences, ie if your child was having an operation. It's "Time Off For Dependents" information you should be looking at. However, this will usually only entitle you to emergency time off to arrange other childcare.

Here you go

sorry you are having hard time

I domnt know enough, but if wsork griefing you both you are entitled to unpaids leave to handle the sickness

you might need to make a decision in the longer run if the health of your kids will allow you to both work FT?

Can you speak with your employees, both of you and apologise for inconvenience but explain your situation, honesty always goes a long way

good luck

AgentProvocateur is right. Parental leave is for planned time off to be with your child: not for emergencies such as sudden illness. And as she says, it will only give you reasonable time off to arrange alternative childcare. Unfortunately for you and your husband your employer can issue warnings if they feel that time off is interfering with your ability to do your job.

Stressed, you could post in the SN section to see if anyone else might be able to assist with the claim form or try the Citizen's Advice Bureau for an appointment. Also carer's organizations e.g. The Princess Royal Trust for Carers - there is a website. There might be local carer's organizations - there is more than one where I live (but that's in a sizeable city) and you may find advice there. Good luck.

Oh, and the moneysavingexpert.com website has a Benefits Checkup section.

Can either or both of you go pt with some flexibility around days? Depends what you do I know