Because I don't want BIL and new partner to stay?

[MeanMom]

My BIL and his partner of 18 months want to come and stay for a few days at Easter - not specifically to visit us - there is an event they want to go to nearby - my DH will go with them.

They live at the other end of the country - we have only met partner once for a pub meal/our house for a few hours whilst they were passing through.We like her. Before BIL met her we saw him about 4 times a year often for similar events (much alcohol consumed by him and DH - girls night in for DD and me) .

Since we met 'SIL' last summer DD has had lots of problems and has just been diagnosed (at last) with Anxiety and Depression. We ate waiting to see if she will be medicated - she is unable to go to school. We have had 6 months of hell over this and her other (physical) problems. I have done the bare minimum of house work etc, the garden is a mess.

But main reason I dont want them to stay is I have no idea how it will effect DD - at the moment I sleep in her room with her (she is 13) because of the monster that lives upstairs in our house :(

Also they will probably all get p*ssed and I won't be able to hide my disapproval and - yes I admit it - my resentment.

How do I put them off - I already did once in October (another 'event)?

It's not just your house - BIL, I assume your DP?Dhs brother and also it is his house?

Asking us is a no-no - how does DP/H feel about it?

Can they not stay nearby rather than in the house?

Have you asked DD what she thinks about it?

Surely you tell them honestly that you are worried about how your DD will cope. Does your DH not see how it may not be a good idea?

First thing to do is to get your DH on side. You need to ensure that he realises that the turmoil from this sort of thing is not something that you can cope with at the moment - and that you have no idea about the impact it will have on your dd.

When it comes to saying that they can't come, just make it matter-of-fact.

It's not just that you "don't want" them or are randomly saying no for a spurious reason or no reason at all, you are genuinely concerned (understandably!) for your daughter's health and obviously need to put her first. Surely BiL will understand if you tell him this?
I second asking your DD if you think she's up to being asked - maybe it will help her to feel that you have asked, and are taking her opinion and feelings into account - giving her some control if you like...

Have you asked your daughter and husband what they think? She may.welcome a visit from her Uncle.

DH does not see a problem with it nor does he see a problem with going out and getting so p*ssed with his brother that neither of them can string a sentence together, come home pass out go to sleep in chair infront of DD.

Sorry but don't think anyone should get in this state in front of young children - 'luckily' (is it?) DD finds it funny. Or she used to. I really can't ask her at the moment mood is too unpredictable/self destructive (IYKWIM) :(

But what I was trying to say is that 'SIL' is a vertual stranger who I would rather not have to be on 'best behaviour' with and try to 'entertain' when I have DD sobbing her heart out in her room.

:(

Maybe you should ask your DD? She may feel excited by the idea and the distraction may be good for her.

If you do decide to go ahead, I'd make if clear it would be dependant on DD not having a bad day. Also ask them to respect the fact drunken guys rolling in is the last thing you need to deal with so maybe they could tone it down out of respect?

DD might like the idea of a girlie night and a return to something back to normality.

Sorry x post.

It's a hard one isn't it? DD is your priority though.

If DH wants to go maybe he can stay elsewhere? And then you could meet for lunch if DD is up for it.

Hmmm. Unless your DD really doesn't want her uncle to come over, I think it sounds like you could just ask your DP, BiL and Sil not to make a noise when they come in and to not be too hungover the following day. This would keep impact on your DD to a minimum.

I have to agree with previous posters that it sounds less about your DD and more about your resentment of them all going out.

As for SiL being a virtual stranger, give her a chance, she might be good news, help keep everyone sober and want to make a good impression.

You are using your daughter as an excuse. The reality is you don't want them to stay as you resent your dh going out and having a good time whilst you're stuck at home.

I think thats slightly Harsh Trifle, what the OP her daughters problem are severe especially for her age, does she halluciante or something OP?

She is probably in a state of , 'I have no Idea of how daughter may react'

I could have longer lasting effect.

I am a former depressive child/teen, and used to find it a nice distraction from the darkness to sometimes interact with people outside my immediate family. Of course people's mileage varies and your daughter may be different, but it's certainly worth talking to her about it. And emphasise to her dad that he's got to do any extra housework the visit generates and be quiet when coming in ratted! Hopefully the new gf will be an ally there...

Ask your daughter.. she might welcome seeing her uncle and meeting his new partner.

ask your DD I agree - then talk to BIL and explain about your DD mental health.