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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give up cycling?

28 replies

Pseudonymity · 06/03/2012 12:21

I have thought about this for a few days so I'm not posting in the heat of the moment.

On Saturday I was out cycling, crossing a major bridge that has 2-way traffic but narrow lanes and therefore no room to overtake. A car overtook me and then pulled right into my bike (i.e. they didn't wait until they could see me in the rear-view mirror, as I was taught when learning to drive) missing me by a matter of a couple of centimetres, I had to brake v. heavily and was extremely shaken, crying and had to stop my day to go into a cafe and recover.

Needless to say I don't feel like going out on my bike anymore. I'm prepared to face these risks as a driver as I have a car protecting me but it feels too dangerous. Interested to know your thoughts so, AIBU?

OP posts:
throckenholt · 07/03/2012 12:25

It must be very difficult. I see more people in general staying back and waiting to overtake bikes than I used to, but I have also seen drivers who seem convinced they have to get past a bike immediately and don't even slow as they catch up to a cyclist - overtaking on bends, pulling out around bikes despite oncoming traffic etc.

I have seen this. But I have also had the other side - when a cyclist keeps on cycling at full speed towards a narrowing gap that my car is already occupying. They seem to have no regard for their own safety and scare me witless since I can't get out of their way. Maybe it seems perfectly safe from their perspective. This seems to occur on narrow country lanes.

Another thing that happens is a cyclist imaptiently waving you past (whilst keeping cycling) when there really isn't room to pass safely. Again a function of narrow country lanes.

The problem is that all road users need to be aware of everyone else and make sure they all use it as safely as possible - even if it might take you a few minutes more to complete your journey. Much better than not completing said journey.

OTheHugeManatee · 07/03/2012 12:48

OK, this might sound a bit woo but your desire to just stop cycling altogether might be a result of not having had time for your body to process the shock properly yet. (I work as a therapist and physical responses to trauma is an area of interest for me).

In frightening/dangerous situations a huge amount happens in your body as your nervous system kicks into fight/flight mode. Wild animals that have escaped a predator/experienced something frightening or dangerous commonly go through a period of shaking and trembling - the contemporary theory is that this is a normal process that means the sympathetic nervous system is discharging its fight-or-flight energy.

Animals do this naturally, but humans often try and repress the shaking after an accident or similar, as it seems weird or frightening. If for whatever reason the shaking phase of your body's recovery from this shock was interrupted that sets up a system where you try and stop it from happening by avoiding any situation where the shock might happen again, which in turn can set up patterns of avoidant/phobic behaviour that may become very difficult to break in the long term.

So while it might sound weird, in the first instance you might find it helpful to spend a bit of time letting your body process what happened. If you sit somewhere quiet and safe, then remember back to the moments when the car overtook you, and just try to remember what your body felt like. You might find yourself shaking, or notice that your body wants to make small movements. If you get that feeling, just let the movements happen. They'll most likely be self-protective movements your body wanted to make as it realised you were in danger. Allow all of this to happen, slowly, while just noticing the sensations in your body. Don't get caught up in the emotion, just pay attention to what's happening in your body. After a while, any shaking or movement will come to an end. You might feel physically a little different afterwards.

The theory behind all this is that avoidant reactions after a shock are often the result of active physical defences (eg running away, putting your arm up) that didn't have a chance to complete themselves at the time. If you are able, after the event, to think back over what happened, remember the sensations, and allow those physical actions to happen slowly, without going back into the fear, then it often helps to resolve the shock and allow your body to reset itself.

Sorry, that was a monster post. Really just a long way of saying YABU from a rational point of view (statistically the probability of an accident next time you cycle is small) but YANBU at all from an emotional/physical point of view and your feelings are quite normal. You can choose to just avoid cycling, but you could also maybe try to give some space to processing the physical experience. If you can complete the active defensive processes that happened at the time, you might find the experience starts to feel less overwhelming.

throckenholt · 07/03/2012 12:55

OP - sorry - didn't comment on your original question.

I don't think you should give up cycling because of one idiot driver. It was scary, but it has never happened to you before (presumably). There are hundreds of thousands of cyclists who travel around without injury.

Also - I think the impression that you have a nice big car protecting you whren you are driving is a bit of a misconception and is giving you a false sense of security.

I do think, though, that all road users need to be more aware of others, be more patient, and more curteous.

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