To tell DS he can only go on the school trip if he contributes towards the cost

[mysteryfairy]

DS2 year 10 has come home from school this evening saying he has changed his mind and wants to go on a short residential his school are offering in July. It costs £110. He had initially said he didnt want to go but I just overheard him getting DH to write a cheque. He is already going on two residential school trips this year total cost approx £700 plus spending money etc. I've just intervened and said if he wants to go on this additional trip he needs to contribute £50 to the cost. On questioning him the reason he has asked to go is because a teacher has approached him today and said it will be very difficult for him to be in school as only a couple of children aren't going on the trip and could he reconsider. I'm quite annoyed the school has put pressure in him to go. However he is very stingy with his own money and has now decided he won't go and I am left worrying about him being left in school.

DS1 has wanted to go on a couple of trips this year but i have said no on grounds of cost. However DS2 is the only one of our three children in state school (his choice) so he does cost us a lot less than the other two. Also although we are trying to be sensible with money it's not a significant amount for us to find.

I don't know what to do now.

Why would you worry about him being left in school? He won't melt.

Also..has he a job where he earns his money or is it pocket money?

I do think you are being a bit unreasonable since I read that the others are in private school though.

He doesn't earn any cash but does have a bank account into which his pocket money is paid and he has several hundreds of pounds of accumulated Xmas and birthday money.

He honestly chose to go to his current school after leaving an independent junior school - it's a state grammar. He wasn't happy at the previous school and there are limited options where we live.

I think you should pay for him to go.

It's horrible to be the one who missed out, especially at his age.

I will always remember my mum being a star. I had a flute exam booked (and paid for) and then my entire class got to go to Alton Towers as a treat for having the best attendance... on the same day.

My mum paid for me to go to Alton Towers, and I went instead of the flute exam. It's not that she doesn't value music; it's just she knew I would be so upset if I'd missed out on a group bonding trip.

My parents only ever paid for one trip in each acadmic year, if I wanted to go on any more I had to pay myself out of the money I earned from babysitting. But, schools seem to have endless residential trips these days, more than when I was at school in the late 80's anyway! Why not tell him he can go, but he funds his own spending money, he clearly is able to do that.

I think you are being fair. You are already spending a hell of a lot of money on other (presumably bigger) school trips and he has more than enough money to contribute. Does he actually want to go on the school trip or it is just because the school have suggested he should go.

He initially didn't bother to tell us about it as he didn't want to go. They then emailed us about it and we mentioned it to him but he said it sounded lame. He's obviously worried about being left in school now that he has been spoken to. This is the second time a teacher has pressured him to go apparently so the school presumably see having to cater for him as a problem. I'm a bit annoyed though as there could be people who would genuinely struggle to pay in which case this pressure would be very unfair. I don't like the thought of him being on his own in school though.