To be a bit hurt by this?

[toptramp]

My mum died of cancer last June and it was her birthday last Tuesday. My dad has been fab but he didn't put flowers down on her actual birthday; he didn't put them down til yesterday; 5 days sfterwards. This includes flowers that my mum's family gave us to put down.He reckons he's been too busy at work.
I guess the real reason I feel so wierd is that he's seeing someone else. She's lovely; she has been my friend for ages. She's his age and her dd and I are mates. But he spent a lot of time last week with her; surely he could have taken 10 minutes to put flowers on mum's grave. I just don't want to feel taht he can forget about mum so easily . Part of me is pleased that he has moved on and found romance but part of me is upset as it makes mum's death seem more real.
When I pulled him up on not putting flowers down on mum's birthday he said in his angry tone of voice that "I wasn't going to make him feel guilty about it. " grrrrr

Top tramp, just another thought, you say he was out with his new lady all last week, could very well be that she is his support and strength during this first anniversary.

I think that's the point - you think that these little gestures are important. That's fine, but not everybody has to feel the same as you. I've never put flowers on either my Mum or Dad's 'plaques' (were cremated, and have a headstone rather than a grave) as they don't in any way make me think of my parents - I prefer to go to places they spent time when they were alive. That's how I feel, it's fine if you don't. Just saying, your Dad might feel differently from you.
Try to be gentle with yourself though (and him) you are still in the early stages of grief. Some people deal with grief differently from others. Again, I never had any particular sadness / low points on 'anniversaries' (first Christmas, birthday, etc.) I used to get caught out by my grief doing very ordinary things on very ordinary days. Just remember your Dad is just coping in a different way from you, it's not right or wrong, it's just different.

He may have not felt up to it. It was his Wife. He may been very ypset in the last five days and doesn't want to talk about it with you.

I am kul with it; i guess.

I am. Thanks for talking some sense into me. I think I was just feeling overwhelmed by all of these changes. My dad and his new friend have been talking about my mum apparently so yes I do believe she is supporting him which is lovely. She is lovely ; it's just a bit wierd atm.

I know that no one knows what it's like to lose a wonderful husband or wife until it happens to you.

In the same way as loving a baby is different so is losing one's dear, loving husband.

Lovvie - my mum died after 43 years of marriage ... my dad remarried in 4 months ... I was a bit but there is an old saying 'women weep .men marry' - my stepmother was the best thing that could have happened to him.

You have to be careful not to become the parent and turn him into the child eg with disapproval.

You said yourself he's been every weekend, every other significant date including valentines day (2 weeks ago) why the big issue about this particular day?

Give him your blessing to move on with his life. It doesnt mean he loved your mother any the less, infact it means she gave him the gift of love to share.