To want this friend to stop making me feel guilty about getting pregnant at this time?

[Aworryingtrend]

DH and I were TTC our first child for 18 months, which my good friend was aware of. I am now 8 weeks pregnant, yay!! However, the baby is due the week after this friend's wedding, and is a 4 hour journey from where we live.

My friend was initially very happy for us that we are expecting a baby, but since realising that it will be due a few days after her wedding has been acting very strangely and trying to make me feel guilty. She keeps saying 'it won't feel like my wedding if you aren't there' and 'if you arent at my wedding I will just be sobbing', etc etc. I have of course explained that if I can be there I will be, but she needs to be prepared that I may not be able to be.

Since I got pregnant she has also:

• suggested I buy a new workout DVD to tone abs (not really much point given I'll be a beach ball in 6 months!)

• demanded I have a party for my birthday, and invited her and her fiance to stay with us that weekend, even though I will be 37 weeks then

• rang me specifically to tell me that a friend of a friend had lost her baby at 11.5 weeks.

AIBU to think that this isn't on? And to not know how to tackle it?

Brideziiiiilla! Next time she starts wit the 'devastated' comments, just tell her that you'll be sad too to miss her wedding, but that you have a baby on the way, and if she cant appreciate the unpredictable nature of that, and how important it is to you, then she is being rather selfish. Sounds like she needs a gentle 'tell it like it is' to help her get a grip.

Of course she's jealous.

She sounds really very unpleasant actually.

A pre-hen . That alone should have you running for the hills. Cut all contact now.

She sounds like a Bridezilla mostly, and perhaps a bit jealous too. In my experience you can't do too much to reason with them. Pre hen does sound like an extreme level of Zilla ness - you may well be best placed to run for it!

It reminds me of the time I announced DH and I (then Dboyfriend) had got back together and were moving into together.

First comment of Dear Alleged Best Friend to this happy news:

"Well you had better not get fucking pregnant as I don't want a pregnant bridesmaid".

Happy times. . As she was absolutely serious.

I had my DS1 at 37 weeks so you could actually have your baby by then.

Congratulations, she does sound jealous.

what ever you do don't have a party at 37 weeks. it will be far too much for a full term pregnant lady. you need to be pampered instead. organise a massage and a meal out together maybe instead. avoid any running around after people and explain you will have to take it easy b4 they visit

Ohhh jealous much! I agree with most of the opinions above - back away as fast as you possibly can. Her negativity at you potentially cramping her time in the spot light will put a downer on your much wanted pregnancy.
Get a migraine this weekend - I had them all through dd pregnancy from the excessive hormones - stay home and relax instead.

The comment about miscarraige, no way that was not at least partially deliberate! Again attention seeking for being the one to "break it to you carefully as you are bff just in case said friend saw in on FB" and also a nasty attempt to sour this exciting time.

Go but pregnancy mags and chill with a cuppa whilst she and her bints get bladdered and end up in the taxi drivers bed for a foursome!

Next time she whines says about "'it won't feel like my wedding if you aren't there' and 'if you arent at my wedding I will just be sobbing'", why not ask what date she will be moving the wedding to then? Because your date is only marginally flexible, and it's clear she doesn't want the dates to clash.

Thank you all these have made me and feel much better.

Sadly there's no way I can get out of the pre-hen do- I already missed the weekend we were supposed to be going looking at something boring to do with the weding buggered if I can't remeber what now as I had my booking in appointment with the midwife.

Loving your reactions at the pre-hen do. Celestial has it absolutely right:
Is it like a subcomitee of people who will be at the actual hen do, to plan it?

Yes it is. On a saturday night. With no alcohol for me. As suggested I will put my feet up and chill out with a magazine and offer minimal involvement.

I love Whereyouleftit's idea of asking her when she plans to move the wedding to! That really would shut her up.

She text me again yesterday to ask if I had made any plans for my birthday yet. (WTF? Its 7 monthsaway and I have a few other things on my mind right now) so I said I wouldn't be making any plans as I will be full-term by then and to not worry about keeping the weekend free as its unlikely I will feel like doing much of anything. I feel much better for saying that!!!

Goodness she sounds like a right cow.

Awful.

PRE-HEN??? People need to get together to organise which pubs you are going to go to, dressed in a pink cowboy hat carrying a giant inflatable penis? Now this takes a commitee to organise?

See - all this bullshit is why im not ever getting married!

Your "friend" is a selfish cow, she should be over the moon for you but because having a baby trumps getting married tenfold she is scared people will be, and lets face it they will if you are mental enough to go, fussing over you and not her - personally i think you should go just so that your waters might break and flood the isle, but then im a bitch

Seriously though - id cool this friendship off, i would forgive a bit of bridezillaness actually, but to phone you and tell you about her friends mc's is a vile vile thing to do to a pregnant woman She sounds horrid

Pre hen do 7 months before the event

Birthday party weekend at 37 weeks pg

travelling 4 hours for a wedding at 39 weeks

That woman is insane. At 37 weeks pg i was lucky to drag myself to yoga. At 39 weeks pg i couldnt move and didnt want to.

She is a bridezilla and one that can fuck the fuck off IMO

Massivo congrats on your pregnancy by the way.

oh yes and the phone call about the miscarriage is just plain nasty.