AIBU to not bend to a parent's wishes?

[Pollyskettle]

A parent of a child in my class has been classed as 'toxic' by school. She openly moans about the way the school is run (some of it is probably fair, tbh) and bitches to other parents in the playground.

She attacked came to talk to me about what she wanted for her DC. The 'catch-up' lasted for 1 and a half hours

I politely explained my situation, and said I wasn't going to abide by her wishes (she wanted her DC to receive higher marks than I'd given and be in ability groups I don't believe DC belongs in).

Following school policy, I wrote up notes about the meeting and gave them to the headteacher.

I was then asked/ advised by senior management to bump up DC's scores and move DC's groups in order to keep the mum happy.

I said no.

I was then told that "mum had the potential to make my life very difficult if she chose to, and that I should choose my battles."

I feel I have been professional with the treatment of her DC, and have treated DC exactly the same as the rest of the class.

AIBU to not do what she says, simply because she'll make my life difficult?

Next week you'll be asking if you're being unreasonable to complain that you've lost your job over posting this on the internet.

The answer will be yes.

We are supposed to live in a meritocracy. Artificially inflating the grades of one child is massively unfair on the other 29 in the class. In the long run it will do said child no good. Stick to your guns OP.

POM why are you surprised by the 'toxic' comment? It is not only common, but quite a reasonable way of getting the message to other teachers who may give her more time than she deserves if they didn't understand the extent of the problem.

OP YANBU and I would stick to my guns if I were you.

Are we talking nc levels? Your school really want you to inflate them? Really?

I am a teacher. Phone your local union rep tomorrow or email tonight. If you are not in a union, join one.

I agree-if you are not in a union join one.
I would try and change jobs-to a Head who doesn't stand any nonsense from nutty parents.

Bet this is a private school.
And that the toxic mother is intimidating the school management with money in some form or other.

In such a circumstance the OP is best off doing what the management wants if she wants job security. OP - just make sure you get this all in writing.

Diabolo that is disgusting. But typical of the madness today, reward the lazy, stupid and those who flaunt the rules

Unimaginative I bet it isn't a private school - they tend not to use NC Levels.

And why does every example of bad practice have to be at a private school please?

x post, sorry Pom.

Wow that's shocking. I hope you can stick to your guns too.

What's a school staff definition of a Toxic Parent then? Who else would be classed as one?

Is it private? Money talks

Sadly it could well be state-there are weak Heads who give in to 'difficult' parents.

Former teacher here. I think you need to contact your union and log this incident with them. Write it out, while it's fresh in your memory and keep a copy, together with the comments your SMT made. It will help you in the future, if your senior management team prove unsupportive.

You mustn't move the child into a higher group or bump his grades, because the mother is the type to kick off - that would be so unprofessional. If you were the subject of investigation later on, you would want your marking and assessments to be accurate, otherwise you will look like a poor teacher who cannot do her job. This would give credence to the mother's complaints. As it stands, she hasn't a leg to stand on.

Stupid last sentence there, but you get my point

I agree with karmabeliever.

mercibucket private schools really don't work like that - certainly not the credible ones.

There is good and bad leadership in both sectors, please don't kid yourselves this is a "money" problem. (or I would have asked DS's private English teacher to change his grades long ago - joke !!!!!)

Wow I'm completely shocked and disappointed at/with your SMT. Apart from anything else what on earth is the point in artificially inflating his scores? Is he making progress? Are you the first teacher to tell this parent the truth about her dc's levels?

Sorry - you are right public sector can be like that too. I was thinking more about her response really - in private there is more 'attention to customer care' perhaps I should say (esp in this economic climate and some private schools struggling) but you are right, can also be a problem in state (altho I'd be surprised if they'd bump up nc levels - kicks the problem up the road to the year 6 sats teacher)

I imagine this is state sector tbh. Sounds more like it.

SMT sound weak.

It would be unprofessional to move the child into the wrong groups or adjust their marks.

Join a union and write up the conversation asap.

And yes, I can imagine SMT declaring a parent toxic. The phrase is not just limited to forums ime. Luckily where I work is nothing like this, but there is no way I could go ahead and alter marks with no evidence from the child to back up those changes.

I agree with Karma.
Keep a record of what has been said and what you have been told to do by your SMT and the fact you are not prepared to do it. As well as keeping all this (dated) info, log it with your Union now so there can be no later claims that you made it up. In fact, I would say to the SMT member who told you to do that, "I'm really surprised that's what you are advising me to do - can you put it in writing please?" and either keep that, or (more likely) make a note of the fact they have said they won't, then ask them why they won't, if that's the thing they want you to do. I'd also bring it to the attention of your Union Rep at school, as a witness, even if they aren't very strongly union minded.

I am lucky (or perhaps unlucky) in the fact that I work in a state school and DS is private. No system is perfect. I know that some parents at DS's school do complain if their darling DC isn't picked for the first Rugby 15. Luckily, the school he is at don't bend to these stupid complaints. I am sure some school do though.

But some parents at the school I work in complain about everything too :

"DD didn't have enough salad with her lunch today" Er OK. She is 13, can she not serve herself?????

"Someone has stolen DS's sports kit" - Er no - he left it on the floor in the changing rooms actually.

TBH working in any sort of school is a bit of a nightmare. Perhaps that's why I drink so much!