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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In letting go

7 replies

fallenpetal · 05/03/2012 11:00

Been friends with X for 25 years, most of my life. Always on and off (more off than on) Pretty much always me that makes contact. He is married with 2 kids, I get on well with them all no issues or hassles. My kids adore him and his family.
I contacted him before Christmas, dropped a small gift to the family round as I was doing a round Robbin of friends I made the extra effort. He knew we were coming and obviously had no even thought about seeing us - not even a card for the children from his children.

I contacted him again in January to arrange to get together, he agreed but didnt show up. I was really worried as he wouldnt speak to me all day and eventually his wife let me know he was just not up to coming.

All understandable but the emotional crap he lays on me about how bad his life is (pages of email last week) and how no one bothers with him, bothers going to see him, no one likes him etc etc etc Its really getting too me.

I know this particular email was because I drove near his house to see a friend (she was over from france where she works) and I didnt go and see him. Mainly because I didnt want to ruin my evening of fun with my friend by going to his and being brought down by his mood.

He doesnt really wash or make any effort when he is bad, he pushes me away one moment then gets all clingy, doesnt eat properly or even brush his teeth and I think I am at my limit with trying to encourage him.

I dont want the guilt trips anymore - Ive done my best for years, Im currently trying hard to change a lot of things I dont like about my life - am I wrong to walk away from what is starting to feel like a very one sided,toxic relationship?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/03/2012 11:05

It sounds as though he's struggling with depression to be honest

fallenpetal · 05/03/2012 11:06

He really is, very badly - I just dont know if I can cope with it anymore

OP posts:
ripsishere · 05/03/2012 11:06

Frankly, I can't see that you are losing anything by not contacting this man again.
He sounds as if he needs professional help. The not washing thing is alarming and his wife having to contact you because he wasn't up to meeting?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/03/2012 11:07

YANBU to walk away. He's really not your responsibility. I'm assuming 'X' is just 'name' rather than 'ex partner'?

fallenpetal · 05/03/2012 11:08

Yes X is name not ex partner

OP posts:
AKMD · 05/03/2012 11:20

YANBU. You've tried, he knows where you are if he wants to find you.

fallenpetal · 05/03/2012 13:24

Thank you all - Ive deleted his email - will leave him well alone for the forseeable

OP posts:
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