to be upset at my mum

[Midnightmoon]

My Db rang me this afternoon while Dh was out with Dcs. He rang to tell me that my nanna was in hospital and she didn't have long left I rushed over there but I didn't make it in time. I was compleatly gutted. My nanna has always been there for me and she pretty much raised me when I was little.

Db then took me outside and told me that our nanna had been in hospital since Friday. When he'd got there Friday night and asked my mum where I was my mum said that she had called me but I'd said I was too busy. She hadn't rung me. Then when my nanna took a turn for the worst and Db got to the hospital this afternoon and noticed I wasn't there he asked my mum where I was and she gave him the same excuse. Db thought this wasn't like me so thats when he called me.
I am really upset and also so worried that my nannas died thinking I didn't care ennough to see her.
Me and my mum haven't talked much for the past 2 months but I don't understand why she did it.
Dh has sent the Dc's over to our neighbours/friends house so that we have the house to ourselves.
I understand I'm upset so I could use some advice on what to do next
AIBU to be upset?

Good point zip

Yanbu to be upset at all. Don't blame yourself for not being there. You would have been if you had known. Your nanna will be looking down on you, she knows you love and care for her.

Is it your nanna your mums mum or your dads mum? Either way i t must hurt so much that you did not get to see her. I try to see the best in people, I just don't know how she could do that. I'm trying to think of a reason that she would do this , it's hard to see a reason, it seems cruel. I would find it so hard to forgive her.

How come you both fell out?

sorry about your nanna op :( my stepmum did something like this when my dad died,he died at 9am i didnt get told till gone 6pm that night and only when my sil called to see if i was ok,i wasnt in and my then dp(now dh)dad took the call so he had to tell me when i got home,i was so angry and have never forgiven her not that shes had anything to do with us since.

Thank you all for your replies.
Thanks Zipzap, I have asked Db to keep me posted on the funeral details and there is no news as of yet.

Yanbu and sorry to hear about your nanna and that you weren't able to get there in time because of your mum. It's shocking. We had a similar thing happened in our family several years ago when a relative died of cancer but nobody was told about it until they were contacted about the funeral, but never given the chance to say goodbye before he died. To this day I don't understand it. And the close relative who wasn't told is one of the kindest people you could meet.

I think unfortunately your mum is trying to sideline you and take centre stage, or she is still reeling from your upset.

A similar thing happened to me when my best friends dad died when we were teenagers. Well she was my best childhood friend but I had gone travelling for a few months and had just returned and the other girls in the group decided to exclude me from the whole event, funeral and everything. I had no idea until my mother read it in the newspaper.

I feel so sorry for as you could not even be there as you didn't know it was happening. It is very cruel what she's done.