Aibu to expect my husband to share the care for poorly DS?

[ILoveSanta]

I had four days off earlier this year when my 4 yr old DS was ill and had been sent hom from nursery. DH was away with work at the time, so I had no option but to take those days off. He is also going to be working away from home in may, June and July, so if DS is unwell during those months, I will again have to take time off from work.

So yesterday, DS spikes a temperature, is quite unwell, not eaten much yesterday and today, been up in the night - all the usual kiddie virus symptoms.

I asked my DH if he will stay at home with him should he still be unwell tomorrow, because I have controlled assessment to do with one of my classes (I teach secondary science) and its a practical, so the cover supervisors aren't allowed to supervise.

He said he couldn't as he had an important meeting, and how on earth did I expect that everyone just put it off because I didn't want to take a day off work.

I'm pissed off, why the hell is it ok for me to let down thirty kids who have probably been preparing for controlled assessment over the weekend, but he can't rearrange a stupid bloody meeting. Why does he seem to think his job is more important than mine? (I have asked him this, he told me I was being hormonal and unreasonable!)

So, my question is, aibu or is he?

Is it the usual state of play that mothers take over the care for poorly kids? It just doesn't seem right when I took the time off last time :-(

He is being utterly unreasonable. Why on earth would it fall to you? It's a shared responsibility.

YANBU and he lost completely with his mysoginistic assumption of hormonal influence.

He is being unreasonable. I am a secondary science teacher too, if anyone needs a day off my husband takes it, as his job is sitting in an office all day, mine requires my colleagues to cover my lessons, cover work to be set, practicals not done, as you say.

How important is your husband, exactly, that this meeting couldn't take place without him?

Or - when is the meeting? If it's not at the same time as the assessed practical could you take half a day off each?

YANBU. He on the other hand is being completely outrageous. I can't fathom being married to someone who thought their work was more important than mine.

What time is his meeting and what time is your assessment? DH and I sometimes split the day if one of the DCs is ill and that way we can both try and make any important meetings.

Could he join by telecon? Not ideal, but he could be on mute mostly and just let everyone know he's at home caring for a sick child ( in case of ackgound noise).

Your meeting sounds at least as important as his, and probably has more attendees - they will certainly be better prepared. And he may well be able to manage it by phone if he can get ds in front of a DVD whilst it's on - I've had to do phone conferences in worse circumstances than that!

My dbro did once say to me when his ds1 was ill, in a sort of hushed tone "do you know, ds1 was taken ill whilst in nursery, dw was overseas on business and I had to leave the office to take ds1 home?" No shit, sherlock!

Is there any way you can share the day off so you can both make your commitments? Other than that, I do think yours takes priority - not least because as you say, it will fall to you in the months (months!) when he's away from home again.

he told me I was being hormonal and unreasonable!

Or rather had made a perfectly rational point for which he had no answer.

Oh and yanbu. He should do his share.

YANBU OP but it does unfortunately show how he views you working - your job is of lower importance to him than his.

His comments about you being 'hormonal and unreasonable' are vile, unnecessary and actually show what a sticky wicket he's on if that's the best he can come up with .

Time for a very serious discussion I think :(

Hope your ds feels better soon

YANBU, when ours are sick, we look at our schedules and decide who has the least worst day and go from there. No way would I be happy being the only one taking time off, it's obvious when he's away he won't be available, so he needs to step up now. I am actually incredulous anyone could think a teacher should take time off on an assessment day.

I blew my top at him, he went in a huff, but I had left this page open and he has read your replies!!!

He actually came to me and said he realised he was being an idiot, that's a first!!!!!

He has now said he realises he was being unreasonable and he will look after DS if he is still unwell tomorrow, and will sort something out about his meeting.

I am still he dared say I was hormonal, doesn't he know how dangerous that is to say to a hormonal woman???!!! He's being all crawly and overly nice though now so I might stay angry for a bit longer and get fussed over!

Thank you for all your replies!

Love it, glad it's resolved!

It's time about in our house. That and we try to rope in the Grannies.

Glad it's sorted. Am so glad I have a dh who has realised that sharing the care/sick days is the reasonable thing to do.

Glad it is sorted, me and dh share this.

Hope ds get well soon

Glad it's sorted. Like Yama I am lucky enough to have friendly Grannies who are sometimes available, and a husband who is lazy enough to appreciate the chance for a day off work....