In not inviting her....?

[Heyyyho]

Long story short - since my neighbor -let's call her DeDe- moved in a few years ago with her Dh and two DS I have tried really hard to be nice. Not just nice, really friendly. We have children a similar age and I initially thought being both new to the area it would be good to get to know each other a bit.

Soon enough I realised that we were really different people and that she had the tendency to have massive strops and mood swings. She has done a few things that have actually been quite upsetting, like yelling at my builders over nothing (truly nothing), stopped speaking to me over Summer then started being nice again. The list is endless actually of silly, petty things. I just never knew where I stood but have always gone out of my way to be really pleasant despite everything. I think she has a really hot temper which cools quickly which I find v confusing. I never responded just kept things civil.

We have never been terribly social and never had dinner/ drinks out or anything like that, although (this is relevant) last year I did invite her for a birthday night out and she came but after this I never got an invite from her to go anywhere since.

Recently, co-incidentally I have got to know some friends of hers through the school and they have been very lovely to me, we have got quite close and they always invite me for coffee/ playdates etc. Last week I had my birthday night out and together with a small group of close friends, invited these "new" friends who know DeDe. At the start of the week I noticed DeDe was being over friendly, in a quite unusual, full-on way, lots of texts and coming to my door which is v unusual and then invited me out to something next month with her . She seemed to hint as to what I was doing and it made me uncomfortable that she must have heard through them that I was having this night out and was, trying to make me feel bad or something. I didn't mention it but after the event she has gone back to blanking me, predictably.

I have really been nothing but nice to her, even when it was clear we were never going to be close. To make things more weird I know she had a birthday night out a few months ago, was I invited - no. Why is she doing this?

It all sounds a bit childish to me. Just get on with your own life and stop worrying about the neighbour.

Go without her. She sounds like a right user and a bit of a cow. If she can't be nice to you all the time then she should bugger off.

I know it sounds really silly. But when you live next door to someone like this...

What sort of friend keeps blanking you? Blanking people is so unnecessary and immature, even to people you're not friends with, let alone someone who's meant to be your friend. Just keep things civil and polite but don't expect anything more from her, as you'll only keep being disappointed.

She sounds like a user - only interested in you when she wants something from you. As long as you keep that in mind with her, she shouldn't be a problem. Be grateful when she blanks you (she's not after anything) and on your guard when she's friendly (what is she after?).

She's a neighbour so I'd be pleasant enough to her, but not go out of my way, IYKWIM. She's an acquaintance, not a friend.

Fuck her. Steal all her friends and talk loudly within earshot about how much fun you are all having.

Thanks guys, she really gets to me. I really shouldn't let her...

On the other hand I know someone who behaves exactly like this. She is a lovely person, but suffers from a mental health condition, so often reacts in what other people might see as a strange or inappropriate way. Perhaps you could just be kind, but a bit distant. It's a very bad idea to fall out with a near neighbour as you are basically stuck with each other, potentially for years.

Why do you want to call her De-De? Why don't you just leave it at 'friend'? And why are you investing time and emotion in a non-friendship with someone who clearly doesn't want to know?

She sounds just like someone who lives round the corner from me. I was introduced to her by a very close friend and welcomed her in, but pretty soon I found her just too bloody wearing. Couldn't do much about it be ause of our mutual friend. Luckily the two fell out really badly some time ago, and I don't have to do more than swap commonplaces when we meet in the street.

just ignore the woman. She's a user and you don't need her.

It's hard to understand the total dynamics of the relationship/ situation in one OP I appreciate that.

Call her DeDe as some people would say X, I don't see what's odd in that. I gave up "investing" in the friendship after a few months of knowing her. However the reality of someone showing different vibes, saying they felt like you were a sister to them then being distant and angry (when I have done nothing) has been really confusing to me and I don't have a clue how to handle it hence posting for advice here.

Our children attend the same school, so I run into her a lot.

I shouldn't be investing time in this totally correct. I hate that it is getting to me so much.

I think it was that I had things distant and at arms length but friendly, but when she saw I got on so well with people she knows she was all over me. It's so weird.

I can relate. The best advice is to keep things polite and airy and just keep your distance. However, when you are in regular contact with someone, it's hard when they blow hot and cold. I have a similar situation at my child's school, with a woman who was very friendly from the word go. I have gone out of my way to be really kind to her and a shoulder to cry on, in hard times. We went from being very friendly, to her being very distant. Obviously I should just chalk it up to experience. However, when you constantly see someone every day and know you will for years to come, it can play on your mind. We both need to accept that we will probably never understand these women.