to open a can of whoop-ass on my children who don't appreciate me enough

[shotinfoot]

Am fed up with my children. In defence, they are only 5 and 3 and I realise that this is about par for the course.

3 year old is adorable but going through a tantrum phase which, although I have to grin a bear it, is making me feel unappreciated.

Am concerned 5 year old (almost 6) is turning into a stroppy spoilt brat and I am keen to nip it in the bud.

Bit of background - DH works full time, I work part-time. DH does his bit with cooking, shopping, looking after kids but housework, to him, is something that just 'happens' except for when it doesn't and he notices.

A few things which have annoyed me this weekend.

• we went shopping yesterday afternoon. It's very rare that we do but DH needed a new suit and I needed new boots. DS1 threw massive strop as he didn't want to go shopping. DH chose suit in about 10 minutes, I was equally swift choosing boots. DS needed some new T shirts so took him to GAP but they didn't have anything he liked. He also needed some new football boots so, as he hadn't had any clothes, bought him those. They also had an ice-cream. On the way home all DS did was complain that he didn't have any clothes.

• I had some photos developed and bought some frames yesterday and put them in last night. They were up against a wall waiting for DH to hang today. I came downstairs this morning (after my lie-in) to find one of the frames cracked. DH's knee jerk reaction as he was heading out of the door was 'it wasn't me, I don't know anything about it'

-DS1 has a habit of getting out of his bed in the evenings and falling asleep in ours. Last night he wet it. This has happened twice in the last fortnight . Realise this isn't really his fault but it's not helping me to feel warmly to him this morning.

• DS1's bedroom is a disgrace, toys all over the floor out of every box. I know DH will come home and want to 'do something with the day' but actually I just want DS1 to be made to tidy his room - even if it takes all day. I spend my whole life tidying and the house is never tidy, and none ever seems to help me.

• general level of backchat from DS1, ignoring me, not doing as I ask.

I realise these things are so ridiculously minor and I just need to grow a set of balls but I've come on here to rant, to gird my loins for when they return.

I want to channel that bloke from Full Metal Jacket if that's possible.

Stop letting your children rule the roost.

Go and buy your DS some clothes if he needs them, if he doesn't like them. Tough. He's 6 years old and having tantrums because he didn't like the T shirts in Gap. You did not need to buy him football boots as compensation.

Tell him to tidy his room if he says no, take a toy and put it away until he does as he's asked. You also need to deal with the backchat, do NOT ignore it, have a chat about respect. I have a 7 year old and it takes time but if you don't sort this out now, you are DOOMED.

The bet wetting is not his fault, put him back in his own bed when he comes through to yours and stick with it.

Not much to suggest- I woke up crying over a nightmare about the mess.

I would get in there with DS, insist that he stays and tidy it with him. You can chat about his behaviour yesterday and talk to him about the way he talks to you. 5 is old to enough to keep stuff tidy, but once it gets to a certain state you need to get in their with him.

Do not do it on your own, get in their with him and use the opportunity to work together.

Moves like jagger - thank you. Firm shake that was needed.

He didn't really get the boots as compensation, he did need some but I'm kicking myself (excuse pun) that I didn't make him do more to earn them.

Lesson learnt.

here, i know its early but....!!

Sorry but i am smirking here at your DS "i just dont have ANYTHING to wear"

If you make him stay home and tidy his room you'll hve crap day, he'll whine and whinge nd you'll end up having to do it anywy. Go and have a nice day together.

Then think about ways to help him to keep things tidy as he goes along, sticker chart/blackmail etc

I have done the whole, im going to put this shit in the bin if it stays on the floor routine - acheieved bugger all apart from melt down. Its one of those things with kids, the mess is like the fourth bridge, sometimes it gets me down but ive learnt not to see it.

I would be more pissed off with your DH than your DS if im honest

Actually I was just about to post to say I didn't mean to sound so harsh!

Agree with tackling the room together, but only if as part of that you sling a load of junk... I've done this with DS a couple of times (now 7) and he knows that it's in his interests to keep it fairly tidy otherwise we'll be doing it together and filling sacks for the charity shop!

Sorry, I know you want to mostly rant (but you did post in AIBU) - at age 5 I would have said 'tough' to a child not liking t-shirts. How did you put the football boots to him - the way you've told it it sounds like he got those instead of clothes - most small boys would go for football boots over t-shirts every time; you might be storing more trouble up if you do that kind of thing again.

I do sympathise though, I have time when I seethe and stomp about just feeling underappreciated and put upon by EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!

Oh and kids are BRUTAL. I have had success with the stay home and tidy room thing but you really need to keep at it so that it becomes just something that he does. I don't expect their rooms to be perfect by any stretch but I DO expect them to make an effort. I have sticker charts for both of mine and I think they do work if you're consistent but I know everyone's experiences are different.

I walked in to find DS making his bed yesterday morning when he got up and I nearly fainted, but he kind of knows that he just has to do it now. (I always have to remake is anyway but the point is, he's making an effort). Consistency all the way would be my advice.

I do get frustrated with DH. He's as bad as the 6 year old but just doesn't see it. He says I expect to order him around like a child which (although partly true) doesn't really solve the problem.

Tell him not to behave like a child then!

My DH always wants brownie points when he does something. He made me come outside and look at the grass when he'd cut it once because he'd 'made such a good job'. I made him come upstairs and look at the toilet I'd just cleaned but he didn't seem as impressed.

Football boots completely my failure. We go shopping so rarely that I was so excited to actually be passing a JJB that I got carried away. It was an impulse purchase

Sounds like there's 2 things going on here, - your DC and your DH.

FWIW, I don't think that its reasonable to expect your children to actively appreciate you. They are 3 and 5, they should respect you, love you, want to be with you and look up to you, but they won't appreciate you. That comes later (maybe quite a lot later ;) ) They just aren't going to think to themselves 'wow. Mummy works so hard both inside and outside the home. I'm so grateful to her for all the things she does for me.' So you keep the house habitable, food on the table and them warm, dry and safe? Congratulations. That's what you ought to be doing.

Your DH, OTOH, absolutely HAS to appreciate you.

at MoveslikeJagger

tigermoll of course you're right. I think actually it's respect I'm after and, although DS1 is actually a lovely little boy, I'm scared we're on the slippery slope to brattishness.

Without getting to therapy about it, my father was very strict, no misbehaviour, no answering back, I just did as I was told.

Now that I'm an adult, I realise that wasn't actually that great, and don't want that, but struggle to know where to draw the line between that and pushover.

Agrees with Moves

Well. DS1 came back and apologised for picture frame.

We then tidied up his room. I did lion's share but at least both DS's were involved to an extent.

I have told him he is now responsible for keeping it that way.

DH definitely as bad as they are. Have been in all day and he is now grumpy and bored. Keeps demanding we take kids out somewhere when actually they are perfectly happy doing jigsaws.