..to think it's nigh on impossible to go through IKEA without arguing with one's OH/DH/DP?

[MooncupandPizza]

Gah!!
We haven't even made it through the list-making stage without a bicker! (He buggered up my carefully crafted list instead of making his own...THE BASTARD!)

It's all in the strategy.

0. Prepare!
   A) decide what you want/need
   B) measure your space
   C) browse website and shortlist interesting stuff
   D) decide if you intend to buy something specific, choose between objects or if it is browsing only

1. immediately book DC into first available slot in the creche

2. if you know what you need, exit the store and re-enter through the exit. You're effectively in the warehouse bit now. Collect your primary objective immediately. Pay and load the car.

3. Re-enter from the front.Go to 'visit' any departments where you want to physically see the product before making a likely purchase. Choose, proceed directly to checkout, pay load.

4. one parent goes to collect DC from creche. One parent queues for food.

5. relax

6. consider returning to the store for the third time for a frivolous browse, to pick up random light fittings and so on.

The BIG mistake people make is to leave the warehouse until last, when they're exhausted. The sight of the poor sods who overestimated the size of their car.... Trust me: browsing comes last.

Yes but then you have to face that checkout queue at least twice. Why torture yourself in that way?

I leave Husband in the cafe with the free refills of coffee, browse, grab location numbers for what we need, reconvene with Husband (now hopped up on caffeine), get him to meet me in the warehouse, get Heavy Things, pay, leave.

Anything involving the marketplace I go on my own.

YABU - we managed it, once. It was a monumentus day helped by the fact what we were looking for was in the reduced section ready built ready to slide into the back of DH's van and we got it for even less than the reduced price. Who knew you could barter with Ikea?!

But that was once, out of many visits that have almost always ended up in tears, near violence, and mega rage - and that's just me. 2 houses later and a variety of goods purchased (including a bed for DS very helpfully sold without any slats, I mean why would you ever need slats?!) we tried to remember what we done pre Ikea. We lived with our parents.

yes - but the queue is a pussycat at 10.30a.m.

it gets wild from mid-afternoon - at which point you're free to make the call as to how much you actually want novelty ice cube trays, safe in the knowledge that you've safely bought and stashed primary objective item.

I now resort to internet shopping as much as possible then retreat with wine while he builds it as we are fine clothes and food shopping but anything he has to build big huge no no so I prefer it being a surprise for him :o

and revenge for me (like my next piece Im saving for

We're back!
No arguments .
We started off with lunch ( ikea is about 65 miles away , so no chance of an early arrival ) had a potter round . DS left us to go clothes shopping in Bamk .
DD came round with us , played happily with a wind up timer she found ( she's 14 )
Spotted only 1 couple having a hissy argument over sofas . 2 small children having screaming abdabs .
Quite calm actually .

I LOVE Ikea. DH tolerates it because he likes the meatballs. The secret to our success is Don't Take The Children. We go when they're in school or leave them with my mum in exchange for some lovely Ikea tat.
I love their insanely patterned fabrics (one of them looks designed by Lovecraft- I have some for lining an imminent Cthulhu tote bag!), their interesting childrens toys (cookware, chinaware, doll clothes, tiny baking sets for a few pounds).
My best ever Ikea purchase was from the children's department- a pyjama case in the shape of a giant fat foot-long woodlouse. You unzip its mouth to conceal things inside and it's lined with teal blue shiny fabric. It looks ever so cross with its lot in life, I think it's great! :)

my mum annoys me the most - she picks something up from the baskets and this is the conversation most of the way round the showroom

DM - whats this,
me - its a kitchen thingy
DM - oh how do you know that
me- i read the sign

by the time we get out i am ready for killing her

Well, I posted and ran and we are now back from IKEA.
We:

• dumped children with babysitter (at least 1 is too young for the creche thing)

• planned it out last night including locations, re-read it in the cafe before heading in and figured out, with minimal heatedness, what we wanted and what bits of the showroom we needed to visit

It went well! I LOVE the place and would happily go with both DC or OH or friends but DC and OH makes it too stressful. Glad it went fine today and we were super-efficient in the warehouse bit!