AIBU to ditch my best friend?

[redrosette]

I'm sure I've mentioned this friend before but I've finally reached my limit with her. She posts a debate topic on FB (abortion actually). I reply saying I'm pro choice and she took the nip basically (seems she's anti). Anyway, she sends me a really nasty FB message then she and her family bitch about me on FB for everyone to see (not mentioning me by name but its a bit coincidential to post all that just after sending me a nasty message?)

This friend has let me down a lot, always cancelling on me, faking illness to get off work (we work together) and I've lost patience now. I texted her to say I'm finished with her and she texts back saying I'm BU and 'nasty' and she wasn't meaning me in the recent FB post (no mention of the FB message though)

She's back at work on Tuesday. She's leaving the company soon but everyone is having a leaving do for her.

Not sure what to do. What if she says something on Tuesday, do I go to the leaving do or be the only one who doesn't? I was supposed to buy her the leaving present as she's supposed to be my 'best' friend as well as colleague?

AIBU? What do I do?

Buy the leaving gift, say "goodbye, it was nice to work with you, I wish you well for the future" and never contact her again. She's going to be someone you used to work with. She doesn't have to be anything more than that if you don't want her to be.

Tricky. One thing you absolutely need to do, if you seriously decide you are finisjed with her is sit face to face and talk.

Could you take the day off (or call in sick) so both of you save face?

I agree with Hecate. No need to make this into a public spectacle. If she apologises, accept it and back away from the friendship when she leaves. It's the best way to do it for both of you.

grit your teeth, buy the gift, keep the moral highground. Or basically what Hecate said

There's 3 weeks until she leaves.

She sent me a nasty message without bothering to sit down and talk face to face.

She then put something on facebook obv about me for her friends and family to bitch about me (she'd obviously been speaking to them about me)

She clearly doesnt want to talk face to face. She phoned in 'sick' to work again the day after, and we were supposed to meet today and she was a no show.

I dont think we'll be sitting down face to face at all and the only time we'll come face to face is at work where I really dont want to have a scene.

I did reply initially to her FB message saying you posted a debate and tbh its not a good thing to do if you dont want people arguing. I was just giving a bit of advice and I said then, in my reply, its best to talk like adults face to face rather than sending me a nasty message.

I used to work with a "best friend" when I was in my early twenties.

My partner at the time (now my ex husband and father of two of my children) got an STI which was not from me. Turned out when he has walked my "friend" home they got a bit carried away with their goodbye and he ended up shagging her .

She was also leaving and she came and to say goodbye to me and I blanked her and never spoke to her again.

I urged her through the NHS to get checked out.

I never know if she did and I wish I had the guts to sit down and talk to her about it - and that was 17 years ago.

I think I'd be less likely to talk with her if she'd done that to my with my husband :O

OK red . I suggested face to face so that you didn't have any unfinished business issues in future, But now I've read you latest posts, I get why she isn't worth that.

How will you cope at work being together in a professional environment without blowingup at each other?

How long has she been your best friend for?

It is painful process.

I understand sensual Have you got a best friend now - aside from your partner, DH etc?

You don't sound like you remotely like her, never mind want to be her friend.

Let her go, she'll probably be relieved too, and then learn from it.

If you don't like someone, you won't enjoy them being a friend.

First thing I would do is delete her off your facebook.

Then what Hectate suggested.

we've been best friends pretty much since we started at work around the same time, about 8 years now.

As for not remotely liking her, I've liked her less and less over the past year or so as that's really when she started cancelling all the time on me and when I went through a rough time she wasn't there for me.

I kept telling myself it was because she had a new baby, but that baby is now 18 months old, she works part time and the baby is in nursery much of the week so she has time to herself which surely she could use to meet me?

I agree with hecate

Yes - don't think you can ever really trust another woman though :(

red i think your dilemma is very common. People change. Do you feel she wants the friendship to continue? I got that hunch.

Do you have mutual friends, which might make things awkward?

((sensual)) i get it x

Get rid

I had a "friend" like this. Ditch her and don't look back. Like hecate said, my "friend" is now just someone I used to work with.