Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For getting concerned about my friend's constant obsessions?

23 replies

MuckyStudent · 03/03/2012 17:58

I've known my friend for about 3 years and she has always been the type to get really obsessed with stuff. First one I can remember was that she became obsessed with these bead things that little girls make for each other. She'd seen some girls passing them around in the playground and insisted that her own DD have a go at making one. Well she did but then friend decided to "help" her and made a load more. The DD then became bored of it but friend became obsessed and insisted the poor lass spend hours making them with her until at point I went to their house and these beads were all over the living room floor, they'd made so many, one for each girl in the year (around 45 kids) as well as relatives etc and friend had stayed up until early hours of the morning doing them. By the end of it the DD hated the bloody things and it caused no end of arguments in their house.
This lasted for a couple of months and then the world cup started. Friend became obsessed with football and even bought a full England kit for herself (and wore it to school and to shops etc) and bought the kids full England kids and insisted on them wearing them constantly. She had the football on the TV constantly, decorated the house in England stuff and again forced the kids to participate in the obsession. This went on for ages because after the world cup finished, she moved her obsession on to Middlesbrough and again bought the entire kit for herself and the kids ad obsessed over it constantly.
Then after this blew over she moved onto online poker. She started playing it constantly, she'd take the kids to school and then come home and literally play it all day until 3pm when she had to pick them up again. She'd then play it all night, sometimes insisting that the kids watch her, sometimes they didn't get any dinner until gone 8pm and then it would sometimes only be a sandwich as she was too busy on poker. This lasted AGES and I almost lost contact with her because it was all she would talk about.
Anyway I saw her one time in Asda and she mentioned her DD had taken up gymnastics. Well - this became another obsession. She insisted her DD go 5 nights a week, then she joined herself, then she did teaching courses and began teaching at the gymnastics, she wouldn't let her DD quit when she began to hate it (probably because she'd come home from a 3 hour lesson and then be forced to perform what she'd learnt in the living room for 2 hours!) and she went on and on and on about it.
Her DD is now 13 and practically hates her mother. She does what she can to avoid her and takes no interest in anything at all, probably because she knows the minute she does, her mother will latch on to it and become obsessed.
My friend is very volatile when confronted so if I say anything it will probably spell the end of our friendship but Im concerned about the DD. AIBU to let friend know that her obsessive ways are probably what is causing her DD to distance herself from her??

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 03/03/2012 18:02

She sounds mentally unwell Sad

WorraLiberty · 03/03/2012 18:02

It's a bit late to mention it to her now if it's gone on that long to be honest

Hebiegebies · 03/03/2012 18:04

Is the dad around?

troisgarcons · 03/03/2012 18:05

I have a friend like that - fortunately they only ever last 3 months before the next one .... just go "there, there, yes dear" .... it passes.

MuckyStudent · 03/03/2012 18:05

I tried mentioning it when the bead thing started. I saw her one morning rushing to school dragging the kids along behind her. She looked like a zombie. She said she'd been up until 3am making the beads and had slept in. Looked like the kids had too. I said to her "arnt you bored of that yet?" and she said "no I like them" so I said "your DD seems bored of them now doesn't she?" and she snapped "yes well she never fucking sticks to anything and it's about time she learnt you can't just give up on stuff whenever you get bored of it, she can be so bloody lazy, never wants to do anything - " and the rant continued. I shut up before I got the kids in any more trouble.

OP posts:
MuckyStudent · 03/03/2012 18:06

Yes dad is around, he seems to get quietly irritated by it too. She even had him making the beads at one point.

OP posts:
tethersend · 03/03/2012 18:11

She does sound quite unwell. If you have serious concerns about the children, then you should contact social services. They may be able to help her access support.

troisgarcons · 03/03/2012 18:11

Well if her DH can't get the point across, you've not a scoobies chance.

MuckyStudent · 03/03/2012 18:12

She's so aggressive and volatile. She falls out with most friends she makes. Last week she'd pinned someone against a car by their throat. She probably isn't a friend of mine as such these days as I try to avoid her but I do feel for the kids.

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 03/03/2012 18:23

That sounds really worrying but I've no idea what you can do about it :(

DebbieD78 · 03/03/2012 18:26

She sounds like an absolute nutter. Pinning someone up against a car? I think she needs help.

WinkyWinkola · 03/03/2012 18:30

She has severe problems. I'd call social services and tell them what you know including having someone by the throat!

Her poor children must be so anxious.

QuickLookBusy · 03/03/2012 18:30

Oh dear, it sounds like you should maybe speak to the school and say you are concerned about the children, which you are.

TheMonster · 03/03/2012 18:34

You can't help her, I'm afraid, so either walk away or accept her as she is.

ArielNonBio · 03/03/2012 18:39

I don't think phrases like "absolute nutter" help when someone is asking for advice about how to help her clearly mentally ill friend. Of course she needs fucking help Angry. Nice.

Lulumama · 03/03/2012 18:45

all this in 3 years?

troisgarcons · 03/03/2012 18:48

So she's obsessive, violent, you've distanced yourself and your asking us if we think it's agood idea if you lett her she is an obsessive nut job who isolates her children?

Well, let me think long and hard on that one

crashdoll · 03/03/2012 18:55

I personally wouldn't call social services but this woman desperately needs help. Would you be able to express your concern to her DH and perhaps he can access help for her?

GavisconJunkie · 03/03/2012 19:16

My FIL is like that. We are convinced he has AS, but there are other symptoms to back this up, you've not mentioned that. It does sound bad, but not sure what you can do.

It's sad that her DD is getting dragged in, this will cause resentment. She does need help, but uselessly, I have no idea where to start.

sensuallettuce · 03/03/2012 19:46

She sounds like she has a mental health issue.

SarahStratton · 03/03/2012 20:36

Anyway I saw her one time in Asda and she mentioned her DD had taken up gymnastics. Well - this became another obsession. She insisted her DD go 5 nights a week, then she joined herself, then she did teaching courses and began teaching at the gymnastics, she wouldn't let her DD quit when she began to hate it (probably because she'd come home from a 3 hour lesson and then be forced to perform what she'd learnt in the living room for 2 hours!) and she went on and on and on about it.

I was with you until that bit. Hmm

tigermoll · 03/03/2012 23:14

I agree, - your friend sounds unwell, and there can be no doubt that it will negatively impact on her daughter.

What can you do about it? I think the idea of talking to the dad is a good one. Not in an interventionalist lets'fix'this way, but more in the 'I'm really concerned about X, is she happy?' way.

If no joy there, I'm not sure what SS can do. Unless she is actually abusive (ie violent towards the daughter, neglectful, etc) I'm not sure how wide their remit is.

Do you have children of the same age? Can you take more of a role with the daughter? Not in a surrogate-mummy way, just inviting her over to give her a break, and being quietly supportive and loving?

tethersend · 04/03/2012 10:53

There doesn't need to be violence and/or neglect for SS to become involved.

The mother's mental health needs and the resulting (possible) emotional abuse of the children may be grounds for them to become involved.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page