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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to throw this away?

26 replies

extremepie · 03/03/2012 12:25

I'm sitting at the computer and DH's stinky full (of butts) ashtray is sitting on the desk.

The disgusting stench is making me feel sick.

AIBU to chuck the whole thing in the bin and potentially incur his wrath?

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 03/03/2012 12:26

No YANBU! I can't stand the smell of cigarettes. UGH, makes me feel sick just thinking of it!

RuleBritannia · 03/03/2012 12:27

No, leave it there. He should do it if it's full. Weart a perfumed mask or something until it's been done. And why does he smoke indoors?

dukeofpork · 03/03/2012 12:27

Entirely justified to do so. He sounds minging.

susiedaisy · 03/03/2012 12:28

He smokes in the house!! god do people still do that these days, I'd be introducing him to the ashtray's new home in the garden from now on!

ImperialBlether · 03/03/2012 12:29

Why don't you empty it in the bin outside, put it on the path and spray it with disinfectant and tell him where it is?

loopylou6 · 03/03/2012 12:32

Why on earth is he smoking in the house? Do you have children? Both DH and I smoke and we always do it outside rather than selfishly pollute our dc.

SilentBoob · 03/03/2012 12:33

People still smoke in the house?!

Original poster
extremepie · 03/03/2012 12:34

I'm not 'supposed' to touch his smoking stuff lest I throw away something he needs - TBH I don't usually mind not doing it as I really don't want to be within 10 feet of the disgusting thing let alone touch it.

Unfortunately, despite my telling him over and over again not to smoke in the house, he just ignores me. If I could find a way to physically force him to do as I ask but as of yet I have not found a way to do this!

Mind you, he ignores about 80% of what I say so I'm used to it now.

OP posts:
Original poster
extremepie · 03/03/2012 12:36

Sorry, I meant if I could find a way to physically force him to do as I ask I would!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 03/03/2012 12:38

How can emptying his ashtray be throwing away something he still wants? Or were you going to throw the whole thing away?

Are you scared of him?

Original poster
extremepie · 03/03/2012 12:52

Not afraid, I just hate arguments and confrontations.

Ideally I'd throw away the whole thing, along with every other bit of smoking parphanalia I can find.

I have no idea why he wants them!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/03/2012 13:30

Who in their right mind would start an argument about an ash-tray full of dog-ends? Hmm Teamed up with inconsiderately smoking in the house and ignoring you 80% of the time and I think you've got a 'LTB' situation.

StrandedBear · 03/03/2012 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 · 03/03/2012 13:34

Bin it and buy him a lovely outdoor ashtray as a present

Get him this for rainy days

Methe · 03/03/2012 13:36

I too am Shock that people still smoke indoors!

Have to got kids?

I'd put it in the bin.

Original poster
extremepie · 03/03/2012 13:48

What's LTB cogito? I'm unfamiliar with that acronym!

Yes we have 2 kids, that's why I get Angry at him smoking in the house. Plus the fact that it just shows how little he cares about my feelings and the fact that I don't want to stink of smoke when I don't even smoke myself.

OP posts:
duckdodgers · 03/03/2012 13:54

I get the feeling that the ash tray isn't really the problem but its because he doesn't listen to you generally and how this makes you feel is the main problem.

Greenshirt · 03/03/2012 14:09

I am a smoker and I am shocked that he still smokes in the house,let alone make a non smoker sit by a full ashtray.Throw away the ashtray and make him smoke outside.I found this really cut down my smoking as it was too cold/pissing down or I just couldn't be arsed to go outside!

WellDoneYou · 03/03/2012 14:50

Smoking is unecessary and foul. It is his choice but polluting your atmos as a non smoker, is disrespectful and uncaring.

Anniegetyourgun · 03/03/2012 14:53

I believe Cogito is referring to a "leave the bastard" situation.

Well it would certainly stop him smoking in the same house as you...

EirikurNoromaour · 03/03/2012 15:01

Revolting. Ashtrays should be emptied daily and kept outside when not in use. DH (and I before I quit) smokes in the house in the evenings but ashtray gets emptied and left outside, and windows opened, before bed. Does he smoke in the day when the DCs ate around? Gross.

DoMeDon · 03/03/2012 15:02

He does it because you tolerate it. I would chuck it in this situation and I'm usually the path of mutual respect. I am a smoker and I'm surprised by his attitude.

ripsishere · 03/03/2012 15:29

YABNU in the slightest. I am a smoker (on and off) and can't remember the last time I did it indoors.
I have a DC, and while I smoked when she was inside me - kill me you haterz, I have certainly not exposed her to my smoke once she was born.
I honestly think there is more to this than just one ashtray.

troisgarcons · 03/03/2012 17:31

I too am Shockthat people still smoke indoors!

My house, I pwn it, I'll smoke where I damned well please - and that doesnt include freezing my bits off in a howling gale, pissing rain, snow, sleat, hailstones on the terrace, thank you.

Greenshirt · 03/03/2012 20:54

My daughter[13] was amazed when I told her you used to be able to smoke on buses and in restaurants.I remember that the cinema was a blue haze of smoke!