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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel a pang of sadness for this woman?

25 replies

PoppyAmex · 03/03/2012 10:52

Don't mean to sound condescending, but reading this article made me really sad for her...

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/mar/03/christina-hopkinson-marriage-divorce-lawyer

OP posts:
RaPaPaPumPumBootyMum · 03/03/2012 11:06

Me too.

What did you achieve today? he asks her.

He sounds controlling and arrogant.

And she is a bit of a Stepford wife. Doesn't sound like a marriage of equals.

More like a marriage of convenience Sad

Yes, very Jane Austin Hmm

Darleneconnor · 03/03/2012 11:14

So he basically forces her to work for nothing?

He doesn't sound very committed to his wife or child.

If she died he wouldn't be able to continue his career as a single parent so why shouldn't he support her upon divorce if she has made career sacrifices for his benefit.

hopkin · 03/03/2012 13:01

I'd like to say that love conquers all and, while it's true that we were besotted, what really drove Alex to commit was dogged bullying on my part. I whined and I cajoled.
Jesus Christ. HOW FUCKING DEGRADING?! I hope I never, ever get to the point where I NAG someone to marry me.

It worked, but not without guilt on my part and resentment on his.
Sounds like an amazing relationship Hmm

Seriously, fuck her life.

bringmesunshine2009 · 03/03/2012 13:14

Its the insisting she works so he can wriggle out of ancillary relief if he decides to sod off one day that shocks me. She has facilitated his career progression. Cake and eat it springs to mind.

Panzee · 03/03/2012 13:21

The comments are brilliant.

Original poster
PoppyAmex · 03/03/2012 21:21

I know. The man sounds insufferable and she just comes across as so... brainwashed, with the constant references to "his rules" and what he thinks and says.

Horses for courses, but find it hard to believe "their marriage has been the very definition of happiness" like she claims.

OP posts:
my2centsis · 03/03/2012 23:47

She sounds really unhappy. Made me feel a little depressed reading that tbh. poor women

YANBU

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 03/03/2012 23:59

depressing indeed - I hope she was using poetic licence

and her book sounds like a pile of poo

BillyBollyBandy · 04/03/2012 00:04

"it didn't stop me spending most of our wedding day whispering apologies in his ear"

Sad

What a catch he is Hmm. She needs some self esteem lessons

bochead · 04/03/2012 00:04

Blimey not often I'm grateful to be a single Mum,(that gets no mainentance yada, yada), but her hubby sounds ghastly!

No desire to swap places with her for all the tea in China.

"It worked, but not without guilt on my part and resentment on his".
That right there is a deal breaker for me, who wants to feel they FORCED their partner to marry them? Yeuk!

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 04/03/2012 00:29

It's honestly as if she can't even read between her own lines... Confused

FetchezLaVache · 04/03/2012 00:35

"...in the event of a divorce, I'm scuppered, given who I'd be up against."

She's got that bit right. YANBU.

babybarrister · 04/03/2012 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Proudnscary · 04/03/2012 08:30

I didn't read it like that actually.

I didn't feel sorry for her.

I think what she meant was her husband feels it is/was very important for her to have her own career and not rely on him totally financially.

That is exactly what I would advise all soon-to-be mothers who have careers they enjoy and cherish - do not give up work! Not completely anyway, go part time, have a year off but don't take five years off or whatever if you really relish your independence and enjoy your working life. I think it's generally a BIG mistake to cut off your own earning stream.

Also I love my dh dearly, I adore him. BUT I did choose him sensibly. I had wilder more passionate relationships, but he ticked every box for a life partner - values, humour, supportive etc.

Proudnscary · 04/03/2012 08:31

And as for the divorce part and her being scuppered - well it's the truth isn't? No point pretending it's not!

fedupofnamechanging · 04/03/2012 08:44

So, when he was forcing her to 'contribute' financially was he doing his 50% of getting up in the night with the baby? I'd bet a lot of money that the answer to that is a big fat no.

He wasn't concerned that she keep a career - he was concerned that if they split, he will have to financially support her. He sounds like a cunt divorce lawyer.

Mind you, the stupid woman has brought it on herself - he didn't want to marry her. If you have to beg, nag and cajole your partner to get married then it's a huge sign that you shouldn't actually be getting married. I don't hold out much hope for their happiness, when they didn't even start off form a position of love and romance. Not saying they'll get divorced though, as it wouldn't be practical.

AKissIsNotAContract · 04/03/2012 08:46

this article is from last year and she was plugging the same book then.

alistron1 · 04/03/2012 08:51

I'm bored with all these middle aged, middle class women pimping their relationships in the papers every fucking weekend.

antsypants · 04/03/2012 09:04

They sound as if they deserve each other, she sold her pride, self worth and intelligence on a man who had no real interest in buying, but decided to indulge because nothing better was available at the time.

I feel for their children, who are going to grow up thinking that men view emotions as something to be rationalised, bought and sold and women as weak willed and cloying.

Jane austen indeed Angry

Goldenbear · 04/03/2012 09:07

YANBU, as someone else pointed out she seems to have very low self esteem in accepting this set up.

Proudnscary, how would you know it's a 'BiG mistake' to give up work for longer than a year, are you talking from experience? I think if you are just referencing your own choices then surely you can't really say, with absolute conviction, that it is a mistake to give up your career to look after your children full time? I made the choice that you refer to as a 'mistake', i enjoyed my career but I still made a choice. I wouldn't dream of saying to those who didn't decide to look after their children full time as a mistake because I wouldn't know with absolute authority that it was!

belgo · 04/03/2012 09:16

', but it didn't stop me spending most of our wedding day whispering apologies in his ear.'

that's very sad.

They have only been together 11 years ...they have a long way to go.

Proudnscary · 04/03/2012 13:15

I said I think it's a big mistake to (completely) give up your career and earnings... it's quite simple really. It's my opinion.

I would not want my dh to hold all the financial cards or feel dependent on him - no way. I know many women (was speaking to one this morning actually) who are going through or have gone through divorce and do not have any of their own money and it's very tough.

Good for you that it worked out. It really doesn't for everyone. I don't really want to get into SAHM vs WM because it surely goes without saying that being in the home full time is a hugely valuable and, for many, satisfying role.

samandi · 04/03/2012 13:27

The whole thing sounds incredibly boring and stupid. Perhaps it's just her writing style but seriously, who cares?

HandMini · 04/03/2012 13:40

Allistron, well said. I'm annoyed now that I bought her book on Kindle last week.

valiumredhead · 04/03/2012 13:49

I really like her hair...

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