To "draw" up a picture of how I want to be and to pursue it?

[MuckyStudent]

The reality of it is I'm a 30 year old mum to two. scruffy as hell house, Slim but flabby, ex intermediate martial artist and full time nursing student.

I sometimes like to think of myself as a 30 year old mum to two, nice smart house (small but comfortable!), slim and toned (gym goer?) current martial artist and a full time nurse.

The nurse thing will obviously come in time but the gym goer and martial arts thing are kind of tied into one. I haven't been to my martial arts class for over a year and I do want to go back, I'm just scared of going back for some reason but I know it's what I want. Whenever I picture the "Ideal me" I think of a confident, black belt - I'll never be that unless I go back. The gym would tie in with that - so why am I so scared of going back??

AIBU to think there is an "ideal me" or is it just a silly dream?

Go for it, if that's what you want. They seem like very reasonable goals! Yoi can do it

I'm quite a solitary creature and would probably prefer to go alone, saying that I do have a friend who uses the same gym so would probably go with her the first couple of times.
The martial arts thing I feel is the key to it all (because the instructor uses the same gym so I wouldn't feel comfortable using the gym unless I was back at ma!)
It's just the going back after all this time, it's nerve wrecking. I feel like everyone will look at me and say "oh god, she's back - thought she'd quit" etc. I know, I'm paranoid.
I saw the instructor in tesco a few months back and he seemed keen for me to go back so i don't think he'd be a problem. It's just that first time back.

YANBU! Could you think about making yourself a timetable for going back - say, email the instructor to let him know you want to rejoin the class in x amount of time, then sign up at the gym and go with your friend for two sessions, then go by yourself for a few weeks so you're feeling confident about your abilities and then start the classes. Once i've got these things physically written down in my diary (and i've told some friends/family my plan so they can ask me about how its going) i find them much easier to deal with.

Good luck - you can do it!

I know people who literally create a picture of how they want to be, like use cuttings from magazines, sketches whatever, and put it all up on the wall as an inspiration

you sound like you're doing great already!

I mean this in the nicest possible way but people in your martial arts class don't care about what yo do that much. Most of them won't even notice you laft n the first place never mind that you are back. And they won't give much of a shit either way. People really only care abou their own lives!
So go back it will be great.

Positive visualisation works for many people.

I have a reality me and an aspirational me. The reality me is fine but I want to be the aspirational me. It's nothing too outlandish - I have all the qualities, abilities there, I just don't always use them.

I have a file on my computer in which I have a list "about me".

It sounds really sad, but I've made a list of all the things I value about myself and all the things I aspire to be.

That way, whenever I'm feeling a bit CBA, I remember the FolkGirl on the list and decide that she is the person I am, not the slightly lazy person.

I've accomplished a lot on the back of it!

YANBU, that sounds like a great idea!

Sounds like a fab idea to me. Although you might be 31 by the time you are a nurse :)

Fergie is right - the people in your martial arts class probably don't and won't spend very much time thinking about you.

Go for it :)

I'm one of those people who definitely find a 'list' or board of some really useful. Once I have written down or got a visual idea of what I want to accomplish, it's much easier to aim for it.

You know that once that first session is over, you'll be chomping at the bit and wondering why you ever left it so long.

I read somewhere:
'What you think about you bring about'

I really believe that's true. So yes visualise what you want to be.. think it and feel it :)

YANBU, everyone needs something to strive towards otherwise what it the point. I never thought I would learn to drive and I so wanted to be that person that could just get in my own car and go places and I did it (despite not being a natural). Little steps at a time would about joining a fitness class first to get your fitness levels up / tone up or couch to 5k which I did last summer?

I wanted to post as I'm a 31 year old nurse and intermediate martial art student too! Not slim though.

My dp is a martial arts instructor (this is how we met), he often says that the hardest part of training is getting on to the mat. Please go back! All the people I know through martial arts are lovely and would welcome you back.

I need to change things (40, definitely not slim, unfit) and this thread has given me ideas. I used to do kickboxing which I loved, maybe it's time to take it up again...

I really do believe that life is what you make it, and happiness is a state of mind. I too took a step back recently and thought, hmmm, NEED to change. So I did, and I'm fitter, healthier, happier, and much nicer to be around as a result.

You go for it