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Original poster

In thinking this is karma...

27 replies

curiousgeorgie · 02/03/2012 18:38

I wrote a thread a few days ago about being 'unhappy' about being pregnant because no one was happy for me.

Now after a few days of uncertainty I'm having a miscarriage. I'm devestated and in pain and terribly down and feel like I've never really known sadness like it...

My husband couldn't stay home from work because of an important meeting, my best friend had all day plans with someone she hadn't seen for months and I've been sitting alone all day feeling sorry for myself when after my post the other day, I have no right to be.

This is my fault. When does it get better??? I feel like it never will.

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 02/03/2012 18:40

Of course it's not your fault, grumbling about pregnancy doesn't mean you deserve a miscarriage. It's an awful thing to go through and I'm sorry no-one can be with you. Lots of lovely MNers will no doubt be along to support you, but it's no substitute for RL hugs. So sorry you're going through this.

reay2010 · 02/03/2012 18:41

A miscarriage is never any ones fault, this sort of thing happens for no reason at all. It's unfortunate the people you rely on can't be there for you when you need them most but I'm sure it will get better for you. so sorry for your loss.

TidyDancer · 02/03/2012 18:41

Oh I'm so very sorry to hear that. :(

I think I remember your thread. This is absolutely not your fault and I really hope you know that, even if it's a deep deep down feeling at the moment.

Don't care if this is un-MN-like, I'm sending you a big hug.

GrahamTribe · 02/03/2012 18:42

It's not your fault. There's no such thing as karma, just plain coincidence and in your case it's down to good old fashioned sheer bloody hellish bad luck.
I don't have the words save to say I'm so sorry.

headfairy · 02/03/2012 18:43

Miscarriage is NEVER your fault. It happens. It's horrible and frustrating and painful and just about the most miserable experience you'll ever go through, but it's not your fault.

You have every right to feel sorry for yourself :(:(

Big (((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Time is a great healer, its different for everyone. Some people bounce back from mc, for others it's a harder more painful journey. Give yourself time to grieve and give yourself a break. Really.

LadySybilDeChocolate · 02/03/2012 18:43

Of course it's not your fault. There's no reason as to why a miscarriage happens, I can promise you that it wasn't karma, it wasn't your fault. You're allowed to feel sorry for yourself. Sad

Callisto · 02/03/2012 18:43

Oh goodness, it isn't karma. There was something wrong with the little group of cells and they wouldn't have formed a viable baby. I'm sorry that you have no support in real life. Please get yourself over to miscarraiges and get some online support. And don't blame yourself. Big hugs.

Shutupanddrive · 02/03/2012 18:43

Of course it's not your fault, please don't think that. Some things are just not meant to be. Have you been to the hospital/doctors? When will DH be home? You shouldn't be on your own Sad

AnyFucker · 02/03/2012 18:45

Aww, I am so sorry

I didn't see your other thread

But please don't blame yourself

I think the people around you are shits, but they were shits before and that is why you weren't jumping for joy at your pg

I believe in karma, but not in this scenario. Mother Nature has her own plan, and it takes no prisoners, I am afraid (have been there...more than once)

Take care of yourself, love x

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 02/03/2012 18:46

I went to the EPU on wednesday and saw another doctor yesterday...

DH will be home in about an hour. I just can't believe this happened after saying that, you know?

OP posts:
SixFeetUnder · 02/03/2012 18:47

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It isn't karma and you didn't bring it upon yourself, it's just one of those things so please don't blame yourself. You need to be as kind to yourself as possible at this difficult time.

It does get better, you just need to go through the process to get to the other side, there's no shortcuts where emotions are involved.

Just want to say it again, this wasn't your fault. Hope your husband is home soon to give you some tlc.

TidyDancer · 02/03/2012 18:48

I do understand why you think that way, because I would probably do that too, and I'm sure many others would too. But please please try not to take on blame. It's a hideous coincidence that you said something you regret the other day, but this is not karma and you have done nothing wrong. x

LaurieFairyCake · 02/03/2012 18:51

This happened to me. I can only say it's not your fault - and after 7 years I can almost say I know it wasn't mine Sad Smile

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2012 18:52

Oh no, don't go there, that is all crap. This would still be happening even if you were constantly joyous (I mean, who is?)

Life is sometimes utterly bloody shit and you don't deserve this.

You poor wee soul, hope you are getting some RL suppost soon.

OddBoots · 02/03/2012 18:54

I'm sorry to hear what has happened to you but this is not karma or your fault.

TiaMariaandDietCoke · 02/03/2012 19:40

So sorry georgie. Your loss is absolutely nothing to do with karma, please try to stop beating yourself up- you've done nothing to cause this x

scottishmummy · 02/03/2012 19:49

you've suffered a catastrophic loss
don't berate yourself
who can support you, can anyone come see you

GlitterySkulls · 02/03/2012 19:58

i'm sorry for your loss Sad

this is in no way your fault, or "karma" or anything like that.

it's just one of those (awful, horrible, sad) things.

the miscarriage board on here is very good for support/ advice if you want it.

tasmaniandevilchaser · 02/03/2012 19:59

oh you poor love! Miscarriages sadly are very common, so is moaning when pregnant. The 2 aren't related, though when you're down lots of horrible, dark thoughts run through your head. Just let them go, recognise them for what they are - just part of the grieving process. There's no timetable to grieving, just let it all out. xx

my2centsis · 02/03/2012 20:13

This is definitely not karma!

Things will get better, it is just going to take time.
I have been through this twice so no how you feel and i think everyone to a point blames themselves but it time you will realize there is nothing you could of done to change this outcome.

My deepest sympathies op. Please be kind to youself. Am thinking of you x

BustersOfDoom · 02/03/2012 20:40

It is absolutely not your fault!! Many years ago a friend of mine had a miscarriage and blamed herself because she 'wanted it too much' and had already planned the nursery, chosen the cot, pram, names etc by 8 weeks. Miscarriages happen for biological reasons, not because the universe thinks someone is owed some bad luck.

I'm a great believer in karma, but I don't believe that karma kills things. Karma means you don't get the job you wanted, or the great house you put an offer on or the promotion you think you deserved after treating lots of other people very badly. It doesn't devastate you because you weren't sure about something when you first found out.

Please stop beating yourself up OP. You are one of many, many women who are unsure of how they feel when they discover they are PG - me included many years ago. You did nothing wrong and I'm so sorry for your loss.

GetOrfMoiiLand · 02/03/2012 20:46

What a terribly sad post. I really feel for you.

No I don't think it is karma, and please don't blame yourself.

I am really sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourslef.

knittedslippersx3 · 02/03/2012 20:53

I believe in karma and this is definitely not it. Stop blaming yourself and be kind to yourself. So sorry you're going through this.

scottishmummy · 02/03/2012 20:55

there no such thing as karma
there are unfortunate unconnected events,and bereavements

WelshMoth · 03/03/2012 08:12

curiousgeorgie, now I'm finding this thread. I sincerely hope you're ok.

I'm a firm believer in karma, but this isn't karma at all, so stop punishing yourself. This is pure biology, in all it's cruel entirety - something wasn't right about growth and cells, and this is Mother Nature's way of taking care of things.

That said, you need to grieve, and I'm disappointed in your thoughtless DH and friend. But you are not to blame.

Take care my lovely x