To feel like everyone else is doing a better job than me and i'm letting myself down...

[MakesCakesWhenStressed]

7 week old baby, needs feeding every 2.5 hours max, so i'm pretty tired, but everyone else sends to be coping ok. He'll only sleep on me, every time I put him back in crib he wakes up within 5 minutes, either crying or sicking up, even though he's swaddled, propped up etc etc

Other mums seem to be getting on with their lives, eating ot, looking after other children, doing house work - i'm barely keeping on top of the laundry. I thought I'd be good at this, I thought I'd cope, but I just want to weep. I'm doing nothing but the bare essentials of feeding and nappies, my son has terriblenappy rash suddenly and cradle cap and this blotchy rash on his cheek which is probably because I don't wash the dribbled milk off often enoughand I just feel like i'm letting him down and this ove thing I always assumed I'd be good at, i'm failing at.

Plus my dh, although doing everything he can, is very absorbed by a vet negative situation with his mother and sisters and I feel like i'm constantly counselling him, even when I want to be sleeping and I just want to be able to vent acd find support, but he's doing everything practical (cooking, shopping, cleaning) plus working ft, plus this in law crap - i'm just being horribly selfish aren't I?

H diow you do this? I thought it was supposed to get easier at 6 weeks? It did get easier just git a little while and now it's so hard again. I just want to make my son happy and comfortable, but he seems so miserable.

H yeah & get a sling, not a BABBASLING (something like a wilkinet) honestly, that's the only thing I've bought for this baby so far. Hands free magic. Look on eBay for second hand, try a few if that one is no good. They tend to hold their value.

Those serene looking Mum's you see out doing things with tiny babies? They are the minority with absurdly angelic children.
The rest of us are in our PJ's covered in sick and haven't washed our hair in 3 days just trying to survive.
It gets better! Honest.

But we have a tiny 3room flat and if it's messy I have to sit here abd look at it. Plus one of the horriblr cats brought fleas back, so I had to change all the linens and hoover.

Bless him, he's sleep on my chest acd his beautiful blonde scaly head is pressed against my cheek. It took a little while, but I do love him deeply. At least I can stop feeking bad about that, anyway

How did you know I was in sick covered pjs? Do you have a camera in here?

and like I said, I do have a sling, but he only likes it sometimes, other times it sounds like i'm stabbing needles in his eyes judging by the screams

Babies are just like that - one day they love something, the next they hate it. Sometimes you just have to say "Tough luck kiddo, you'll survive" and soldier on regardless of the screams. Do you manage to get out much? Are there many baby groups in your area?

Just wondered, could your baby have gastric reflux? Might be worth investigating if sickiness etc continues?

Might explain some of what you describe, sickiness, only settling on you etc

My ds3 has reflux and what you describe sounds familiar

Everyone feels the same at 7 weeks! Some of them are better at hiding it that's all! With DS, I had a crazy chaotic first month - no laundry done, no housework, although I did sob insanely once in the first week because ILs were due and DP ran round with the hoover. Then things seemed to have a slight routine and the 6-week check was done and DS smiled and I felt a bit better. Then, just like you it all got difficult again! I only really felt in control at about 3 months.
You are doing brilliantly, you probably just have a touch of the baby blues. I allowed myself to cry as often as I felt like it, because it helped. I had a very traumatic birth and was very guilty and angry about that for months. It gets better!! But see the GP if you carry on feeling like this.

@cause 7 months ago that was me!
Today I've made cake with the toddler, we've had a baby, toddler and Mummy round for lunch, and spent the afternoon in the park.
I've not put that in to make you feel bad, just to prove that life changes sooo fast. Take all those cuddles while you can. He'll soon be a smelly teenager!

I would bet good money that a large proportion of the people you think are doing really well and getting on with life etc are actually just very good at faking it in public and the rest are the few who were blessed with that very rare creature known as an easy baby.

I also think its hardest with your first, as life with a newborn is so far removed from anything you've experienced before and not something you can prepare for or understand until you experience it first hand. I think we all go through it really.

Try to be kinder to yourself. You are doing fine, your baby is fed, cleaned, held and loved and that's all they really need at this stage.

What type of sling to you have? The only one dd got on with was the Moby which was great for both supporting her upright and also making her feel secure. I used it right up until she was nearly two years old. and it was an absolute revelation for me. Dd was my third dc and I really wish someone had told me about them when I had my boys. You can pick them up on ebay quite cheaply sometimes.

I would agree with tangledupinblue2 though, that it might be worth getting your ds checked out for reflux, my dd had silent reflux and was never happy laid flat. Also, as elinorbellowed said, if you carry on feeling like this or feel worse, do go and have a chat with your GP rather than feeling you have to struggle on.

Finally, don't feel bad about using times when your dh or someone else has ds for yourself. Have a nice long bath, lie on the bed and read a book, sleep. Everyone needs and deserves some time to themselves and that can be really hard to get when you have a demanding newborn in the house.

Haven't got much time to write as much as I'd like but you're doing a fab job, try not to be so hard on yourself. Its a phase, it will pass and it will get easier - hopefully very soon, but maybe in a few weeks. Sleep deprivation makes everything a hundred times worse and you lose all sense of perspective. But I promise you you are doing a brilliant job. And it will get easier. Honestly:)

I'll just add that this thread inspired me to think that maybe now things have calmed down a bit perhaps I should do something about dd's cradle cap. She is 21 months old.

Hi MakesCakes, you could be me 6 weeks ago - have PMd you. Hope you're ok.

If you are breast feeding, try bottle feeding. Seriously it might give you the respite you need and then someone else can feed him, sometimes breast feeding just gives you a rod for your own back and baby never gets enough food

Makescakes - feeding every 2.5 hours is PERFECTLY NORMAL for a 7 week old baby, please don't compound your worrries by thinking 'baby never gets enough food'.

Choo#1 nearly caused a divorce she slept so little. She would NOT lie down. Ever. i watched the entire Beijing Olympics live and eventually we called in a professional to deal with it because it was that or....god knows. Anyhow, night nanny solved the issue of actually being able to put her in her cot and gave us guidance for getting more or less a whole night's sleep out of her.

So when it came to Choo #2 , we were quietly confident. Imagine my unalloyed joy when I spent the first 7 weeks of her life never seeing my bed, because she would scream all night until about 4am, then fall asleep on me for a couple of hours.

But this time round, I knew a. She would sleep eventually (4 months) and b. The house stuff doesn't matter. It's just not a priority. Yes it can be annoying to look at unwashed dishes, esp in a small flat, but its just not important.

It does sound like reflux could be a possibility if he is screaming piercingly often, especially if he is going rigid and it is at seemingly random times.

Please do not worry about bothering your health visitor, they are there to be whined at. She can point you in the direction of further help and support. It might be that if you are having a difficult family situation at the moment you can have a homestart volunteer to come and help you do a quick whizz round once a week or so to help you feel a bit more under control.

Blotchy rash on cheek could be hormonal (residual hormones from your body coming out of his) and not related to milk not being wiped off. The only other thing can think of is he could be sensitive to something in your milk which would also explain the rigidness, nappy rash and piercing screams, come to think of it. Dairy is usually the first thing to try cutting out, please though, only try this if it is not going to add massive amounts to your stress load. You would need to do it for a minimum of 2 weeks, so quite an undertaking.

Could you shop online while feeding? It's something to do while you feel stuck to the sofa and one burden less on DH, perhaps. I agree that 2.5 hours or less between feeds is normal for a 7 week old. It will pass.

Sorry if my earlier reply seemed flippant, was on phone and not able to reply properly.

Fabby I don't normally say this, bit, shut up, you're not helping. That sort of sentiment is a head fuck at this stage.

It's ok. One thing i'm sure of is that he's getting enough to 1st - i'm producing more milk than either of us know what to do with!

Actually feel a lot better right now. Dh has been on shift with him which means I just did a feed at 2am, then straight back to bed, so except for that half hour, i've been asleep since 9pm. Heaven. Dh looked like shit though, so I sent him to bed. Last thing I need is 2 grumpy boys to deal with!

Yes, Fabby, that's why the human race is still thriving, millennia after it first started walking the earth - because not having enough milk to sustain your baby is such a common problem... NOT.

OP - I don't have anything else to add, except that I could have written your post 3 years ago, word for word!

You're doing an amazing job, and this too will pass. :)

put it this way - I missed one feed and woke up having drenched a bra, both heavy duty breast pads, my t shirt and sweat shirt right across the front, baby cakes then nearly choked on the let down!
He's asleep on me at lastafter fighting it for an hour. Who wants to lay bets on my success if I try to put him into bed...?

Do you express?

Sounds pretty normal for missing a feed if you're getting constant over supply though that is a recognised "thing" - if you have any problems do post on the breast/bottlefeeding board, they are brilliant. How's his latch? Any pain?

To give the other side, having read Fabby's post, if you can stick with the breast feeding - and it is hard at first, and some days and nights you will feel that's all your doing - but if you can stick it out it can get so easy.

Dd is 7 months now and I thought I'd stop at 6 months but bottles were so much faff I went back to bf. Once your body produces the correct amount of milk - and it will work it out, honest, I soaked breast pads at first and now I barely need them - it's so easy to just go out without having to think about bottles. Now dd is getting mobile bf is my chance to sit down with a cup of tea and have a 'break'.

Of course if bf is upsetting or hurting you then there's nothing wrong with using formula. But I think it's worth knowing about things like growth spurts and other 'problems' that may be overcome in a couple of days before deciding to stop.

And to say again..... You're doing great!

I have found the breast and bottle feeding topic great when I have had qs about breastfeeding.

Look, maybe the other mums who appear to be coping are feeling exactly the same as you.

Even if they're not and they really are coping 'better' then great, good for them.

You are you. And you are going at your own pace. We all had difficult periods. I am sure you are doing a brilliant job.

Please don't beat yourself up - don't expend precious energy on that nonsense!

OP when mine were 7 weeks, I spent most of my days lying on the sofa intermittently feeding.

You are not letting yourself down, you are just expecting too much.

This is your most important job at the moment, housework and the like can wait. Seriously, we only struggle so much with this because we expect too much of ourselves and allow others to expect too much of us.

Take care.

No, the bf is going great. I prefer it to ff which us a bloody faff, latch is fine unless he's tired and i've not had any probs since week 3 when I had mastitis. I'm very lucky to have a brilliant mw unit here which has given me endless support with the feeding. In the words of the bf coordinator for this area - he's a great little eater