here she comes again

[glittertree]

help want to know if i am just being unreasonable, i have a wonderful baby whos grandma lives in ireland, she comes over every month to visit and stays with us sometimes 1 week sometimes 2 has been 3 or more as much as i love her i find by the end of a few days together i am gritting my teeth getting flustered and wanting to escape my house...examples are putting tv on to leave room come back and its off ,open a window come back its shut, open a door she shuts door,turn up heating she then makes a fan and puffs she is too hot so have to turn down, constantly running after her looking after all her needs cups of tea lunch etc, telling me i overload my washing machine being told off for not standing folding plastic bags into tiny triangles ,telling my older son off for not waliking the dog enough and reducing him to tears on many occasions with sarcastic mutterings who by the way is my son from first marrige glaring at him making it known she isnt happy with the way he is sometimes an annoying 12 yr old the same as any other!!! Ok so I could go on and on with these petty things its just that after a couple of days i start feeling so stressed out by her that i really dont know what to do mention it to my dear husband and it causes tension and he says i am being unreasonable....Am I?

Why don't you say anything when she is upseting your son ?

At least a week every month is far, far too much!
YANBU

i have on many occasion then she stomps off and takes a huff

Two weeks a months, every month?

Far far far to often!!!

I would rather a grown woman went off in a huff knowning that she is in the wrong than see my son upset in his own home because my MIL doesn't like him.

"i have on many occasion then she stomps off and takes a huff"

Well - good! Up the pace a bit. Call her on all the annoying thins and if she gets in to enough of a huff maybe she will take umbrage(I love that word) and stop coming quite so much

Tell your husband she can't come unless he takes time off work to shoulder the burden
Twice a year is more than enough

maybe i am coming across wrong here the whole thing with my son is that if she says something that is wrong i do always tell her i dont ever just sit back and let her get away with that....but i really dont like the way she glares at him when he is perhaps being a very normal 12yr old who is sometimes cheeky and annoying....

The situation doesn't really sound very fair on your DS tbh - how does he feel about granny staying so much?

Tell a story about your 'friend' who has an annoying house guest who tries to tell her what to do in her own house, I mean can you believe the cheek!!! etc.

Blimey.

If someone made my son feel like that they'd be sleeping in the garden!!

Tell her of! Let her be in a huff. Or let your blokey deal with her!

YANBU, your house is being invaded on a very regular basis. I assume your 12yo is not her grandchild from what you say? Even so my parents are great with the kids but sometimes you can see them tutting inside when my 11yo has some attitude moments. I don't know how tou've put up with it for so long already. Could you suggest a week every two months or just a weekend a month?

My sympathy is with you, I can't imagine my MIL staying for more than a night and she lives in this country!!

I think you need to stop being polite.

It is NOT on for ANYONE to glare at a 12yo. She is supposed to be his kind of Grandmother. But sitting there glaring is intimidating and commenting sarcastically is abusive and unacceptable.

You need to tell her that she is NOT to speak to your son like that, she is not to glare at him and if a door is open, it stays open, if a window is closed it stays closed, heating, lighting, TV, you name it, tell her she is crossing your boundaries and it has to stop. This is your house, your son, your rules. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to visit.

If she stomps off, tell her that if she can't behave graciously in your home then she can go home. Call her a taxi if you must.

No WAY would someone treat my son like that and be allowed to share my oxygen, MIL or no MIL.

If your H won't back you then HE can feck off with her back to Ireland too

Even a w/e a month is a lot. As it is, it really is far, far too much. Is dh around all the time she's there? Iimagine it's you around all day, haing to take her tuts and sighs etc. I would take some time off when she next comes, have a week away and let him deal with her.

Does she have a daughter with a house in France?

Every month for a week? Shudder. Wouldn't put up with it myself and certainly not if she was upsetting my DS. I'd do what Houdini says but perhaps a little passive-aggressively subversively at first.... "Oh! It's so weird, I'd swear I had JUST turned the tv on", "Goodness me, there must be a terrific gale to blow the window shut" Etc. Hopefully the old bag gets the message.

And I'd put a stop to the frequency of visits as well. Way way WAY too much!

Bearcrumble

Thanks for your messages...no my son isnt her grandchild which is why perhaps i find it hard to deal with an example being the last time she came to stay she suggested my son go out in the fresh air and take the dog for a walk...she has a thing about noone taking our lab for a walk ...my son being a normal 12yr old couldnt be bothered but said he would go for a walk with her and the baby ...he was busy putting his things on saying wait for me when she left without him just to spite him for not taking the dog...he kept saying to me mum why would she do that ..i was fuming inside but when i spoke to hubby he told me i was being unreasonable anyway your right i shall put my foot down a lot stronger and bearcrumble i am lost about the daughter in france?

She's only one step away from moving in! There is no excuse for spending that amount of time in somebody else's house - whether welcome or not. You really need to put your foot down.

you have put up with this for far too long. I am TERRIBLE at having people to stay with the exception of my own mum and dad. I could not cope with having someone like this in my house for that long even if they were polite and nice! Put a stop to it!

A week then you said sometimes 2 or 3 eek thats most of the month < i wouldve have to say to her she cant just set up home at your every month

Jesus Christ - fuck that for a game of soldiers!
She stays with you for at least a week, every month??!

No. No way. That is just too too TOO much!

And she's mean to your oldest as well!!!

Time to have a chat with your husband I think. I certainly could not be putting up with such an intrusion on my home all the time. No. No no no!!!

Btw - i get on with my mil really well. Love her - she's ace.
I wouldn't want anyone staying in my home for a week or more every month.

Your dh and his mum are very odd in thinking that is acceptable!

Your problem isn't her, it's your DH. He is the reason she feels she can behave in this appalling manner. You need to read him the riot act, tell him she cannot make your lives a misery any more. Make sure you pick her up on every little thing, and tell her that if she can't behave in your house she can go home.

If your DH won't support you, you might have to chuck him out too.

You need to stick up for your son. If your dh won't stick up for both of you and won't even listen to how you are feeling over this, then he's a twat, and a mummy's boy.