To avoid visiting my Gran in hospital?

[plantsitter]

My Gran had a massive stroke this time last week and she is now in the hospital dying, basically. I was there a lot at the beginning and said 'goodbye' to her when she knew I was there. Now she has had some more CT scans and it appears she has had another huge stroke and there's no way she will survive; the doctors have stopped feeding her and any medication and say she can't be aware of anything.

I have a horrible cold. I would like to go to see my gran in hospital (partly to keep my mum company who is there a lot) but I would have to take DD2 (15 months, also very snotty) and I am worried I would pass my cold on to someone weak and make them very ill. Am I right to stay away because of this? I am worried I am just making excuses and that I ought to go. Would stroke victims be susceptible to viruses etc and could it be dangerous or do you think I could safely go?

TIA

You should stay away, there will be some very poorly people in there, with poor immune systems.

I'm very sorry about your Gran, hopefully she is peaceful and will continue to be until the end. This is the same situation as when my FIL died. He didn't regain consciousness and died peacefully a couple of days later. I'm sure she knows you love her, and you've said goodbye. You'll be able to support your mum in other ways, and you and dd's colds won't last forever, then you'll be able to do whatever is needed.

Take care of yourself

YANBU - I wouldn't go - just for the fear of someone catching my cold and getting even more ill than they already are.

You have said goodbye and she knew you were there, if you were to go now it would be for yourself rather than for her.

Ring the ward, explain the situation and see what the nurses advise. I've recently lost a much loved grandparent and I understand how torn you must be feeling. Take care :)

I wouldn't visit anyone in hospital if I were ill, and don't think taking a sick child is a good idea as she would be likely to disturb other patients as well as sneezing and spreading virus.

If you could get a babysitter, and your gran is in a separate room, you could possibly ask to wear a surgical mask while you are there, especially as she is terminally ill. Also be very careful to use the alcohol hand rub.

I'm sorry you have this dilemma, and for your family at this sad time.

I'm sorry you are in this situation. I think you are making a very sensitive and considerate decision.

You have had chance to say goodbye to her and I think I would leave it there.

My grandma died last year. My children did her pictures and we wrote letters to her to be put in the coffin with her. No one was with her when she died and this really helped. You could explain it to her in a letter in this way if you do find not going difficult.

Thanks for your replies. I think I will stay away. I don't think Gran will know now anyway (and if she did she would say something very pragmatic like 'ooh keep your germs away from the hospital and it's no place for little DD2 anyway').

Thanks again.

The idea of a letter is such a nice idea.

Don't worry Plantsitter. You said goodbye and you are making the right decision.

I think you are being incredibly responsible, please don't feel guilty about anything. I am sorry about your Gran :(

My mum has just it out of hospital and there were notices asking you not to bring children under 12 because they are --little virus carriers, this was on an elective ward btw, so an acute ward would be even stricter I should think.

You are doing that right thing in staying away, but what a heartbreaking situation for you. X

As a nurse on an acute ward I can tell you that as long as you and your DD wash your hands with soap and warm water or use alcohol rub before entering and leaving the ward it'd be absolutely fine from a germs/immunity point of view. From an emotional point of view only you can decide if it'd be the right thing or not. Do you think your being there would help your mum?

You should definitely stay away. When my mum was having chemo I resisted visiting her when I had a cold, although I really, really wanted to.