to be upset with my friends over this?

[GeorgiaMay]

Having a party for dd2's 7th birthday this weekend, at home. I invited her class (9 including dd), 3 from the class above and 1 neighbour. With ds and dd1 that makes 15 kids. We are not in UK, temporarily overseas, so I've tried to bear the expat culture in mind, which seems to be that parents and siblings hang around at the party and don't just drop off/collect. I would prefer kids to be dropped off but I accept the way it's done here and have therefore spent this week preparing not only kids' party food and cake but also some "grown-up" food. I have also bought wine and beer as well as juice. All of this has taken a resonable amount of time, effort and money, but that's fine, in principle.

Also, so that I have the right amount of food and party bags, I wrote on the invitations that parents and siblings were welcome to stay at the party, but please let me know numbers, for catering and party bags.

Anyway, until today I had not received a single RSVP, and the invitations went out last week. So today I contacted those I know, by text, and did get some replies, not from all, but still tiem I suppose. What has pissed me off is that all except one of the replies was along the lines of "thanks for the invitation, X and Y and Z will be dropped off by the maid/driver." So basically I will be babysitting all of their 2/3/4 dcs, which is not what I intended! Was my note not clear? I am looking at about 24 kids now, and still haven't got replies from everyone. Some of the brothers and sisters are only 2 or 3 years old, which could be hard work, and I'm also very disappointed that my friends don't seem to want to come.

Trying to focus on dd having a nice time, but feel like never let her have another party ever again!

Oh good grief, I think you need to speak with people to clear that up. Just say of you are leaving more than one child you need to stay - for safety reasons of nothing else.

I assume they are sending their maids with their dcs, and although the maids do watch the little ones, I would rather my friends wanted to come! I will ask them about it later, just a bit upset!

that's very rude if you ask me - but some expats people are like that! If it were me I'd be replying to each person as if they were the only one who'd misunderstood - they don't know that other people have made the mistake! something along the lines of "Whoops I must have been unclear! I won't have enough hands to look after all the kids safely. Of course if you'd like to hang around yourself X's siblings are welcome but otherwise I think it's safer if it's just X. Sorry for the misunderstanding. Hope you can join us! Would appreciate if you could let me know either way by Y"

ps don't assume that the maids will stay or, if they do, that they'll be any use at all! Having learnt from bitter experience myself!

Thanks, glad it's not just me who thinks it's rude! I really thought my note was clear, especially as that's always what has happened at other parties we've been to. I guess I should have waited for replies before buying extra food and drink, I just thought they would want to come. They are my friends, we've had lots of fun times together. Paranoid now!

TBH I don't think your note did make your intentions clear.

I would have read it as we are have a party for "Amy's" birthday, your DD "betty" is invited and if you have no other option but to hang around then you and older siblings can do so.

If you had actively wanted to invite siblings and parents then the norm, IME, would be to address the invite to all and make it clear that it was a family invite.

As an expat myself I have plenty of experience of DC's being dropped off by maids, Nannies and drivers so just make it clear that they need to stay and supervise if younger children are also being dropped.

Although I am sure you are looking forward to your DDs party, bare in mind that for most mothers of 7/8 year olds the opportunity to drop and run and have a couple of free hours is just too good to miss, it's not that they don't want to see you it's just they would rath spend time with you over a coffee than watching you wildly herd 15+ other children.

That seems rude! I would let it go this time & have a big party,but maybe text people & say 'sorry you can't make it for a drink yourself but thanks for the reply'. I know expat communities can be very cliquey so to avoid being shunned I'd suck it up this time & probably not do it again. Get enough party bags ready for any child including possible siblings that may come along. It's not the children's fault their parents haven't understood (or the maid's).

By the way,a few free hours child free is probably too good an opportunity to miss,nothing to do with you or how they see you. I would love to sleep for a few blissful hours!

Next time (aaarrggh!!) I will definitely address the invitation to the whole family, that's a good idea. I still think my note was clear, but obviously not. The norm is not to drop off dcs here, really, pretty much every party I've been to has been as much for the parents as the dcs! Usually there are entertainers or lifeguards if it's a pool party so perhaps people are assuming that I won't be the one supervising the kids, but I will!

After reading how rude and laid back people are about children's parties, i willnot bother! A bag of sweets each for class mates will do.

The fact that all of your guests misunderstood the invite, and have said they will send their children with a member of staff, means one of two things:

a) they have all got together behind your back, and decided that they will ALL pretend to misunderstand your invite, dump their children on you and have a nice afternoon to themselves.

OR

b) You accidentally worded the invite in such a way that they thought that that was what you were offering.

I think that option (b) is the far more likely. It seems pretty inconceivable that your friends, (with whom you say you have had some good times) would deliberately snub you like this, in such an orchestrated way.

I am a bit confused though, - you say in your OP that I would prefer kids to be dropped off, rather than the parents/sibs hanging around. But now you say that you aren't happy that the parents won't be there?

The exact wording of my note on the invitation was "Parents and siblings welcome to stay - please let me have numbers for catering and party bags."

I would prefer kids to be dropped off if it's only the ones specifically invited - I would then make sure I only invited a number I could cope with on my own. However many people simply don't do that here and stay, bringing extra kids, and I would rather know in advance if that will happen and not feel stressed about whether there is enough food etc on the day. Which is why I decided to let them know in advance that they were welcome. I never intended for dd's friends and all their brothers and sisters to be dropped off for 3 hours....

I would text back 'sorry for any confusion, siblings welcome with parents or carers. Looking forward to next week'

I think eggrules is right, maybe you could send out a text saying that?

I would expand that more to something like 'Sorry for any confusion but siblings are only welcome to stay if a parent/carer can also stay for the duration of the party, as I am unable to personally supervise any more than the 15 invitees. Please feel free to call me if you have any queries, otherwise we are looking forward to next week. See you then!'.

I agree with SoftKitty. I may have been abrupt. I would contact again though.

Annoying isn't it? I had four years in Thalland with this.
I don't understand how they'll get the time off though. Since they already have the homehelps and drivers, my experience was that mums saw little of their own children as it was.

I'll speak to my friends about it, I'll see most of them before the weekend.

Ripisphere sorry don't understand about time off? The party is at the weekend. If they send maids it means they will have to come into work at the weekend.