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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

worried about getting old and bieng in hospital

2 replies

Marney · 29/02/2012 20:49

Im bothered about the way old people are treated in hospital my dad died last year and i was with him No its not the nurses i was worried by about 5 minutes after i walked in the consultant walked in asked if i was a relative and very quickly said if he was still alive in the morning they were going to ask permission to turn things off No i didnt have to make that decission My problem was im sure my dad was able to understand everything that was going on yes he had chosen to sit thier staring ahead not speaking he was scared I dont want to witness my daughter bieng asked thatthat when im old My dad did speak an hour or two later to say he was scared Previosly he had been in hospitals and been scared because they put no resucitation even though he had said he didnt want to die abd he saw the sign As it happenrd my dad died a few hours after my conversation with the consultant but im also concerned he died thirsty when i asked if i could give him a drink i was told no fluids how to they determine when a person is no longer allowed a drink Im not looking to chat a lot about this just wanted to get things in the open really i dont want to die in the same way

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 29/02/2012 20:57

oh that sounds like an awful experience Marney, and I'm very sorry for your loss.

when my great aunt was in hospital, although the nursing staff were really lovely, we did find we had to be quite pushy sometimes to get things she needed.
I know it's too late for you now, but you shouldn't be scared to question them and ask why can't a person have a drink or ask why it said do not resuscitate or anything like that...

It's hard looking to the future, and we never know what it will hold.

I wonder if you would benefit from talking to someone about the circumstances surrounding your dad's death? i don't know if anyone from the hospital would be available for a kind of "debrief" and to go through with you why certain decisions were made?

desperatenotstupid · 29/02/2012 21:01

Im so very sorry for your loss Marney - so sad for you. And Angry as yours is not a one off story. I think this happens all too often. Hold on to the fact that you were there for your dad at the end, that would have meant so very much to him, even if he didn't want you to see him like that, he would have took comfort from it im sure. My dad passed away in a hospice, and fortunately for him he was unaware, but had also spent a good deal of time in the hosptial and they were just not equipped to deal with a dying man, or a man with alzheimers :(

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