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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about reporting this?

37 replies

OTTMummA · 29/02/2012 19:13

We had new neighbours move in last summer, a woman about 23 and a man in his early 30's since the get go we have heard him screaming at her on occassions swearing at her slamming doors etc.
I see her most days on the way to work and she always seems fine, although i think she avoids me because one time during his 'outbursts' i banged on the wall and shouted i could hear everything.
I have never heard her scream/shout back until these last few weeks, and then today i was getting the washing in and i saw her smoking at the back of her garden, with a black eye Sad

I told DH about this and said we should go see if she is ok, needs us to phone someone for her etc, and he just wrinkled his nose up and said its none of our business.
Now i am from an abusive family, have lived in refuges during my childhood and sometimes feel that i might go ott in how i see or act upon certain situations, so am sometimes not sure what to do, but this time i was certain so i phoned the non emergency line and reported what i have heard/seen, they took it seriously and were grateful for the information as they have had other reports about noise disturbances from other neighbours.

Dh was in the shower whilst i reported it, but told him just now and he is getting funny with me about being a nosy busy body blah blah, and i am just getting angry with his attitude towards this?

I will be showing him this thread later.

OP posts:
HalfPastWine · 29/02/2012 22:57

I couldn't sleep at night if I thought someone was in danger like that and I hadn't done something to help.

OP, you've done a good thing.

WibblyBibble · 29/02/2012 23:29

You definitely did the right thing. I used to live upstairs of a family where there was DV going on and the police (I didn't actually know anything was going on because of constant music, but they came and asked if I'd heard a 'domestic incident') said you should phone if you suspect anything like that because often the woman can't herself. Hope she gets the whole situation sorted.

Oh also you were right not to go round, putting yourself in danger doesn't help anyone, phoning the police is the right way to deal with it (unless you maybe have a 6' partner you can send round maybe, dunno).

OTTMummA · 01/03/2012 05:20

Well it was a quite night, although I haven't slept properly at all. But yes I will probably bump into them at some point, I have thought about it and I would probably say yes if he asked me if it was me that reported them. Im not a great lier, and don't think I have any other options.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 01/03/2012 07:54

I think that maybe your husband is just worried about potential repercussions for you, by getting involved, so please don't think too harshly of him.

Please don't go round there - your baby's safety needs to come first, but you did the right thing in phoning the police. Lots of women are murdered by their partners/ex partners and so society, as a whole, has a duty to look out for vulnerable people. It's great that she has a neighbour who cares, even if she doesn't fully appreciate it now.

OTTMummA · 01/03/2012 17:13

I think you're right karma, he does just get worried about me and ds.
However i think the man next door wouldn't bother coming round here, most men like that are bullys who won't confront someone they arn't in control of, i could be wrong, but i feel ok about it now.

I didn't see her on the bus, but i hope i can get to talk to her, only if it's just to say why i felt i had to report it, ask if she is ok.

OP posts:
Mumof1plustwins · 01/03/2012 17:14

Hope you're ok today?
Did you see her?

Mumof1plustwins · 01/03/2012 17:14

Xpost

minimisschief · 01/03/2012 18:37

your husband is probably more concerned about you and your child tbh. if this guy is violent and he knows you reported him it may not be all flowers and sunshine for you and your family.

OTTMummA · 06/05/2012 18:41

Hi, i know i started this a while ago, but just wanted to update that the woman next door has moved out!
I was on the bus yesterday and my other neighbour told me that the woman had moved out, apparently her mum and who she thinks is her brother came with a trailer and 2 cars, collected all her things and went off.

I havent' seen her and the front room looks bare

He is still there, but no one else, haven't heard or seen anyone coming or going, but feel so glad she has left him.

OP posts:
DPrince · 06/05/2012 18:51

I think you have done the right thing. But do understand your dhs worries. But you have definitely done the right thing. I assume your dh is worried if the bloke decides he knows its you that reported it and worried about your saftey.

rhibutterfly · 06/05/2012 18:55

Never seen this thread before but good on you OP i'm in similiar position with my neighbours only i keep having to phone social services too because there's children involved, unfortunately my neighbour isn't as sensible as your neighbour she is still with her abusive boyf of 4 months even though he hit her 6 year old DS when he tried to stop his mum being hit and still has him there when social services have said he's not allowed around the children.I have no sympathy for her anymore as she's putting this so called 'man' before her 6yr old and 2yr old DS's

UnderAverageJoe · 06/05/2012 18:58
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