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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want him to cook his own dinner.

27 replies

qazxc · 29/02/2012 13:08

i'm currently pregnant with our first child; and feel like death warmed up. i'm nauseaus the whole time and tired, etc... I therefore do not have the desire to cook every night as i usually do. i don't feel physically up to it to be honest. Is it unreasonable to ask him to look after himself for the next couple of months?

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 29/02/2012 13:10

Well I don't think telling him to look after himself will be much good - who will cook your dinner?!

Mucking in together is best to get through difficult times IMO.

bibbityisaporker · 29/02/2012 13:12

Yanbu. And don't get into the habit of cooking every night, please!

Use this break as an opportunity for him to learn to do the basics himself (if he cannot already do so).

CailinDana · 29/02/2012 13:14

Of course it's not unreasonable! I presume he's a grown adult with all his faculties?

Original poster

qazxc · 29/02/2012 13:15

i don't need anyone to cook my dinner as am currently surviving on crakers and toast as they're the only things i can keep down. unfortunately i don't think he'll take to the beige diet.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 29/02/2012 13:17

Are you both out working all day? Who gets home first?

I suppose it depends no how nauseaus you are and why you think it's going to take a couple of months before you can cook anything.

Only you two as a couple can answer that really...but if he gets home later than you, you could always compromise and buy some ready meals to pop in the oven.

SardineQueen · 29/02/2012 13:17

Oh no how awful.

Of course you are NBU and he should be looking after you.

SardineQueen · 29/02/2012 13:17

Have you actually spoken to him about it?

mojitomania · 29/02/2012 13:18

YANBU. Do you also work OP? If so, why do you cook every night anyway? Think you need a chat about things now before the baby arrives, get it all sorted and shared responsibilities in place now.

maddening · 29/02/2012 13:19

yanbu - my dp cooks all our evening meals

Original poster

qazxc · 29/02/2012 13:20

we both work full time. i get home a bit earlier than him but he's generally back by 6. i am clinging to the hope that the ms will lessen or go in the second trimester. please no messages about never ending nausea or i will cry.

OP posts:

maddening · 29/02/2012 13:22

ps get your dp on bbc good food can filter searches by cooking and prep times etc and your dp can have the recipe up on his laptop/tablet to follow in the kitchen -my dp often uses this site to find new recipes

thestringcheesemassacre · 29/02/2012 13:23

ready meals are your friend.

bibbityisaporker · 29/02/2012 13:24

Honestly, why on earth are you cooking every night if he gets back by 6? Please please don't, it will lead to resentment at some point down the line, if the daily threads about undomesticated male partners on Mumsnet is anything to go by.

Hope you get over the morning sickness soon. Was going to offer you a but perhaps you can't face that either!

SardineQueen · 29/02/2012 13:24

He needs to be looking after you as you are unwell.

Things are normally brighter in the 2nd trimester

WorraLiberty · 29/02/2012 13:25

Well if not ready meals then perhaps he can cook up a batch of whatever he wants to eat (at the weekend) and freeze it.

That way if you're home before him, you could slam it in the oven.

There are ways and means really. You both need to work them out that's all.

captainmummy · 29/02/2012 13:26

Start him cooking NOW for you both and by the time the baby's weaned he can also doing the cooking for 3!
And why not.

minipie · 29/02/2012 13:27

If you both get back from work at a similar time, you should split the domestic stuff equally. That includes cooking. That's when you're not pregnant and feeling sick.

When you're pregnant and feeling sick, he should wait on you hand and foot .

Charliefarlie1192 · 29/02/2012 13:28

do you really have to ask op?

NarkedPuffin · 29/02/2012 13:29

So you're basically asking if it's unreasonable to expect him to feed himself for a month or two? He's an adult not a goldfish. Of course it's not unreasonable.

dancingonthinice · 29/02/2012 13:32

YANBU. He should be cooking for you even if its just plain rice at the moment.

CailinDana · 29/02/2012 13:48

Arf @ "he's an adult not a goldfish"

Ephiny · 29/02/2012 13:53

He should be cooking for himself (without having to be asked) if you're feeling ill - and for you as well, if you're up to eating anything.

If he's a grown man capable of doing a full-time job, I'm sure he's perfectly capable of feeding himself. Of course YANBU. YABU to even ask!

handbagCrab · 29/02/2012 13:54

Course yanbu. I felt sick cooking for ages when pregnant so I didn't cook. If he 'can't cook' it's an excellent opportunity for him to learn :)

lashingsofbingeinghere · 29/02/2012 14:21

OP, you have my sympathies.

Just have an honest talk with your DH. Explain that you need his help - not in a resentful "why have you nor realised how awful I feel" way, but in a practical, let's sort this out together.

Don't make too much of the "it's only for a few more weeks" either, because this sends out the wrong message. He will be lucky to get a bag of crisps for supper once you have a new baby!

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/02/2012 15:37

OP, is there any reason you think anyone would think it unreasonable for your partner to cook his own dinner?

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