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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change my daughter's school because of a Mum lof one of the kids there?

27 replies

Nicdigby · 28/02/2012 19:31

I fell out with a friend about three years ago and now our daughters are in the same pre-school class attached to the local school. I have tried to smooth things over but she falls out with a lot of people and bears grudges for a long time; she was very snotty when I tried to smooth things over and she hasn't spoken to me in the 30 or so occasions we have passed each other in the playground. She is very controlling, and known as the ringleader of the High School bullies in our area - if you don't do what she wants and join in being horrible about someone else, you become the victim.

I have the chance to change my daughter's school to a new one when she goes up to reception in September. Is it being unreasonable to change schools so that I don't have to spend the next 7 years putting up with this woman?

OP posts:
Shutupanddrive · 28/02/2012 19:32

Yabu to change schools just for that reason, ignore her

thederkinsdame · 28/02/2012 19:33

And what will you do if you fall out with someone at the next school? TBH it all sounds a bit ridiculous to me. Your DD's education should come first.

Anonymumous · 28/02/2012 19:35

I guess that depends on your daughter, how happy she is at her pre-school, and whether she has friends there. It's not about you, is it?

Choufleur · 28/02/2012 19:35

yes YABU. Just ignore her.

GrahamTribe · 28/02/2012 19:37

Unless the current school is lacking and the new one spectacular or the other parent is being aggressive/threatening to you or your child YABU. Why let your child's education suffer because of this one pain in the butt? Why let the PITB "win" by scurrying off to another school? Just ignore the pathetic woman and get on with your life.

StateofConfusion · 28/02/2012 19:38

What anon said.

I'd love to move ds' school because there's a large group of parents who bully me because I'm quiet shy and new to the area, but he's happy and succeeding so I do not matter, his happiness does.

Mrsjay · 28/02/2012 19:40

you are not in high school anymore dont let her get to you its a shame when friends fall out but you are a grown up rise above it and ignore her dont try and smooth anything over ,

AprilSkies · 28/02/2012 19:40

Surely your diet priority is whether the school is good for your daughter not if you get on with other mums. Ignore her, don't let her scare you off.

Coconutty · 28/02/2012 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shakirasma · 28/02/2012 19:44

YABU. There are many good reasons to move school but playground politics os not one of them.

I had to share the playground with my vile ex husband and his nasty new wife as my (and his) DD is the same age as his step DD.

I coped, I just developed selective eyesight, managing to blank them no matter where they stood or what sneery faces they pulled.

I'm actually a stronger person for it.

thisisyesterday · 28/02/2012 19:45

of course yabu

there must be reasons why you chose that school? those still matter

whazt if you fall out with someone at the new school?

this isn't about you, it's about your daughter and her education. i know she is only in pre-school right now, but do you really want to take her away from her friends just b ecause you and another mum don't get on?

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 28/02/2012 19:47

YABU. Your dds school is about what's best for her, not you or some cow that you aren't interested in anyway.

MrTumblesCrackWhore · 28/02/2012 19:59

I know a woman like this...believe me, eventually all the other people who are 'bullied' by her will realise what is going on in time.

I was on the receiving end, like you, of her wrath for a while, after being friends with her for a good few years, and falling out over me daring to disagree with her about something - which was fine, but she carried on with unnecessary bitching for a long time after to our other friends. I was a hurt at first, and disappointed that others did not think badly of her because of the way she behaved, but I just stood back and over the next year or so, she continued behaving in the same way. Eventually, pretty much everyone has realised what she really is like.

Stand fast, be dignified and she will, eventually, stop having an impact on you.

IndigoBell · 28/02/2012 20:04

I think YANBU.

If you like another school, why not choose it for reception.

Why put up with this if you don't have to.

takingiteasy · 28/02/2012 20:11

I was in a similar position although not sending DS to the school wasn't even considered. A couple of loosers who lived near us were our best buddies (read total PITA) when we first moved here. We tolerated them. Our LO's fell out over something silly and all hell broke loose. We fell out, cue us ignoring and not caring and them sneering behind my back (never DH's funnily enough) at every oppertunity.

I dreaded the playground. They have a lot of 'friends' and I always felt like the were talking about me.

I just held my head high, smiled sweetly and got to know people outwith their little gang. Fast forward a year and they've pulled both their DC's out the school and went elsewhere. They are the type to work their way round 'friends' until other people realise what dick heads they really are.

BananasInBloomers · 28/02/2012 21:27

this is a very insecure woman who validates herself by having yes people around her.
stop trying with her,just co-exist by happily ignoring each other.make other friends at the school,although there is no law requiring you having school-gate banter.

WorraLiberty · 28/02/2012 21:34

You're going to have to learn sooner or later that school is about the children and not the parents.

You see a lot of posts on MN about...

'Alpha Mums'
'School gate Mums'
'Yummy Mummies'
'Mummy friends'
'The PTA'

None of them matter.

Take your child to school, support her at school, pick her up at the end of the day and if you happen to meet anyone nice to pass the time with then that's a bonus...if you don't then you don't.

Remember if it wasn't for your child, you wouldn't be there in the first place so she comes first.

DoMeDon · 28/02/2012 21:34

It is your choice really. It depends how bad this makes you feel. If changing school's is no odds to you or DD then do it for the peace of mind it will give you. If it is detrimental to either of you then think harder on it. TBH I think difficult situations give us all the opportunity to learn about ourselves and grow in life skills. I would not give in but I can handle it - you're not a bad person if you can't.

AwkwardMary · 28/02/2012 21:37

YABU. Don't even give her the time of day. Get on the PTA and meet some nice Mums....don't ignore the woman nor go out of your way to be nice.

Just get on with YOUR life...if the school she is going to is your most conveneint school or the best then NO WAY should you change.

I still haven't worked out the groups...we began at a new school and have been invited into what appears to be the Odballs and Misfits group! Can't work out why! Grin

DoMeDon · 28/02/2012 21:38

I have slapped myself for the errors Blush

aquashiv · 28/02/2012 21:38

If the other school is better then yes move your dd but only for that reason.
If not and your dd is happier buy a bike and ignore her. People like her always fall out with someone bigger than them one day you wait and see.Smile.

faintpinkline · 28/02/2012 21:40

YABU to change schools because of this woman. I assume there are 30 children in your DD's class so there are there 28 other mums for you to make friends with. You won't want to be friend with all 28, you'll dislike some of them for all sorts of reasons so simply slot her into that group and concentrate on making friends with those you do like.

YANBU if you're considering changing school because you think you're DD will be get a better quality of education or more importantly be happier elsewhere

lifesalongsong · 28/02/2012 21:43

Without knowing anything about the two schools I can't see how anyone can judge.

If you're happy with both and think your daughter would do well at either then why wouldn't you choose the one without the nasty mum. Can you come back and give us a bit more information about the two schools?

iceandsliceplease · 28/02/2012 21:49

OP, I seriously considered moving DS before Yr2 because there was a risk that my nephew would be moving to his school, and I couldn't face seeing my evil & toxic SiL every day (her behaviour would fill AIBU for weeks Wink), and knowing that she would do all that she could to make my life hell.

BUT (and it is a big but), you have to think about your DD. Presumably most of the preschool kids will be moving up to Reception together? So your daughter will feel immediately more settled if she moves up with friends. Try to think positively - pick up and drop off at school can be less than five minutes of your day. Is it worth the hassle for that five minutes of peace?

SnapSnafu · 28/02/2012 21:51

I don't think it's that unreasonable to change, so long as for other reasons the other school is a good choice too.
We did similar with our dd, because one of the preschool teachers, lived across the road, had kids same age as ours, had a chip on her shoulder about me, and was very unpleasant to me and about me (to committees, etc), though I honestly have no idea what her problem was. She is now the deputy chair of governors.
We made the right decision not to stay at that school, but there were other reasons too - didn't feel the head was approachable, the size of school wouldn't suit us, kids keep same teachers for 3-4 years at a time, really bitchy parent politics (not all schools are like this, our current one really isn't), and my boss's kids go there and she brings it all to work with another colleagues kids issues (and my boss is now chair of governors too). And there were at least 2 other schools that we felt would suit us better. Every so often the gossip from the other school reaches us, and we breathe a sigh of relief that we didn't go there.
Personally, I think life is too short, and there are enough battles that you have to fight, that if this is one you can avoid without disadvantaging yourself, then why not?

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