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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want an engagement ring?

20 replies

CuriousMama · 28/02/2012 09:48

Dp and I have known for ages we'll marry. We've been together 3 and a half years and are in no rush. He told me early on he wanted to marry me and I felt the same, still do.

Is it odd to not want an engagment ring? I had a lovely one from my first marriage but hardly wore that due to work. I'm not working yet but hope to soon? Plus I just think the money could be spent on something practical. In fact I still have the old one still haven't sold that or the old wedding ring. Not sentimentality I'm just loathe to sell such a lovely ring for peanuts. It's 18 carat gold and a nice size diamond.

This time I just want to get married and have a wedding ring. Or will that seem odd?

OP posts:

OrkaLiely · 28/02/2012 09:49

YANBU.

pinkdelight · 28/02/2012 09:54

YANBU. Never had one, never wanted one. Don't even particularly believe in getting engaged. Just get married if you want to get married. The rest is just an excuse to spend money/have a party/get gifts. Bah humbug!

Ephiny · 28/02/2012 09:54

YANBU at all. DP and I are getting married this year, but I didn't want an engagement ring. It just seems silly and pointless to me, as I don't wear or like jewellery much, and didn't want him to waste his money. We're both going to have plain wedding bands and that's enough for me! No idea if anyone thinks it's odd, and I doubt I'd care if they did.

Not criticising anyone who does like big shiny rocks, but if you don't care about that sort of thing, there's nothing wrong with that either.

Original poster

CuriousMama · 28/02/2012 09:59

Oh great glad it's not just me then. Yes I do find them pointless.

I don't usually wonder about others opinions not sure why I am with this? Probably because my last ring was so bling? Not my choice by the way, exdh picked it.

OP posts:

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 28/02/2012 10:20

I had one first time round and I hated it - my ex chose it, he refused to allow me to have the one I wanted and picked a truly hideous piece of crap and then insisted I wore it. It was stolen in the women's refuge (and I hope that whoever took it sold it and used the money for her/her children in long life and good health and good luck to her) - if whoever it was had asked me, I'd have given it to her but, well, people in there were quite desperate sometimes. I didn't get one next time round, I never wear my wedding ring either, we only bought that because we had to have one for the ceremony. It's quite odd, you can't be legally married in this country without a ring.

imnotmymum · 28/02/2012 10:23

well i am totally high maintenence and cannot see why you would want a lovely pressie from him/to him to declare his love, do you have kids my kids love the story behind my ring and where we got it etc...but guess it up to you its noones business but ooh diamonds ...

Popsandpip · 28/02/2012 10:25

The value of diamonds and gold are very high at the mo so I'd go to some reputable jewellers and get valuations for sale - if you'd like the cash. Steer clear of companies like Cash for Gold though!

CMOTDibbler · 28/02/2012 10:28

Not odd at all. I'd have the old rings made into a pendant though

TinyPants · 28/02/2012 10:28

I wear mine with my wedding ring because it is a nice one and I'm a jewelry freak but it's absolutely not compulsory. It's your engagement, your marriage, you two do whatever you want! Congratulations!

imnotmymum · 28/02/2012 11:29

get secon hand / antique I fantasize about some romantic liason that forewent my ring before I owned it and it only cost £150 now worth £700 oh and yes Congrats!!

buonasera · 28/02/2012 11:37

What popsandpip said - prices for gold and precious stones are pretty high at the moment, so worth getting a valuation...

YANBU in my opinion - the only people who're U on this question are the ones who get married when young and skint and still think it's necessary to spend a month's salary on a bit of shiny rock! Each to their own but it just makes me think, yeah, as if it didn't take long enough to save for a deposit for a house...

I got married 10 years ago; I remember my (male) colleague spelling it out for me that I was "supposed" to get a big engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then an eternity ring when I produced the first sprog. As if my OH had some magic pot of money that he was going to pay for this from, that we wouldn't otherwise have used for holidays or a playstation or going out or whatever. I don't even wear any jewellery other than the wedding ring! We both hated the notion that he somehow had to bribe me into getting married to him - where was his present? And if I was getting bribed, why did I need to be bribed with something I didn't want and wouldn't wear?

eurochick · 28/02/2012 11:39

I wasn't bothered about having one but got one, in the style I liked. It's not a traditional engagment ring (it's a simple band with pavé diamonds all the way round). I wear it but actually find it quite annoying when typing etc and I am sure I am going to leave it somewhere at some point as I take it off quite a bit.

Original poster

CuriousMama · 28/02/2012 19:50

Thanks all. Ooo good news about diamonds being well priced Will have to find out who's reputable? I can use the cash towards allotment stuff as just got one of those

OP posts:

cherrytopping · 28/02/2012 20:07

Diamond engagement rings only became popular in the 1930s because of a very clever marketing campaign. Prior to that engagement rings were a lot less common and other gifts were often given.

I have a sapphire ring because I wanted to avoid a diamond and sapphires were traditionally more comment for engagement rings.

There is no reason why you can't still be traditional, and dispense with a ring altogether and instead get a more practical gift to celebrate your engagement.

In short, you don't have to do what everyone else does and you don't have to break with tradition either. Just find another one that suits you better.

cherrytopping · 28/02/2012 20:09

common, not comment.

Original poster

CuriousMama · 28/02/2012 20:27

That's interesting cherrytopping. We already live together so dp gets me plenty there's nothing I need. Apart from allotment stuff I do fancy a nice shed/summerhouse but they're mega expensive. Don't think selling my rings will come close?

OP posts:

EvenBetter · 28/02/2012 21:03

YANBU, it's your choice!
However... I adore my engagement ring, before I got it I told him to get some cheap one (as in £40) off eBay, but he picked & got made a ring so beautiful I wouldn't even have imagined it! Inwas very proud of it & got a tiny wedding ring so as not to 'overshadow' it!
Plus, call me old fashioned but having the most wonderful man get down on one knee (in the rain) and say lovely stuff & ask me to be his wife was the best feeling I've ever experienced, it can of course be done without a ring but the ring reminds me of that day & is a sign that I'm (now) married & proud!
You don't need one, it doesn't make your relationship more 'real', it's no one elses business what your marital status is etc... But just sayin...

Whizkidwithacrazystreak · 28/02/2012 21:21

Yes, it's your choice. But do you really not want a lovely diamond on your finger? My husband couldn't afford the one I wanted so I got it made and paid for it myself (princess cut with pink diamonds along the band with matching wedding band - it's gorgeous and I still love it). I don't regret that decision.

Adversecamber · 28/02/2012 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noinspiration · 28/02/2012 22:59

Sometimes the ring is important to the man. I never wear mine now I'm married, but my husband would have been sad if I'd not wanted to wear his engagement ring. He would never have insisted, but it did matter to him.

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