Who gets to go out?

[Arana]

DH and I have a clash of social lives. His old boss is leaving, and has arranged a sit down meal followed by drinks and a big night out on Thursday. I've just started a new job, and my buddy/mentor is having birthday drinks, also on Thursday.

He says it will be a great opportunity to network, although it will be with the same people he goes out with approximately once a week.

I have never been out with my new work colleagues, and haven't been out on that sort of thing more than twice in the last year.

I've tried to compromise and say that I go for a couple of hours after work, then he goes out later but he says it's not worth it.

MN jury, what do you reckon?

If he's saying you should go, is he just asking for recognition of his "sacrifice"? You could just offer to do something nice for him in return.

Could he look up the menu for the meal and pre order, then he can get there 30 mins late for the meal and it won't matter as they'll still be faffing about ordering, and he'll already know what he's having.
If putting the DCs to bed is an issue, just get DH to put them to bed early, or whoever you get in to keep them up a little later.
In future, have a communal calendar, and whoever writes on the calendar first has priority, if the second party is important, they need to organise childcare.

As soon as he played the martyr card? He lost. You go out.

If he can't be bothered going out because he can't go straight from work, then that's his call.

Just go, don't come home early, and enjoy yourself.

And don't bother offering to "do something nice" for him. He gets 25 nights out to your 1, babysitting his own children so you can go out is no big deal.

Another vote for networking in your new workplace is far more important than his boss's leaving drinks, especially if he's always out and you rarely get a chance. If he's being a martyr about it, just ignore him. You've suggested a compromise, he didn't take it so it's up to him.

I vote for you going out.

a) because of what SilentBoob said.
b) because he's being an arse for playing the martyr card.