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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be bloody fuming over this?!

35 replies

livelaughlovevintage · 27/02/2012 13:17

Just had a txt of my mum from SFX (stupid fucking ex) basically saying because his shifts have changed from next week he can't have DS from fri-sun so he "will be having him from Saturday eve and taking him to school Monday or he will be taking it further" !!!
Um excuse me?! I have been more than co operative for the sake of my DS, he's had him every weekend then every other weekend, he basically wants DS to fit in around his life and fuck DS and my commitments!! I am absolutely fuming and I am putting my foot down for once. He is not going to get his way this time. Tbh I am very tempted to stop all contact!!! AIBU or am I just at the end of my tether with his demands?!

OP posts:

Original poster

livelaughlovevintage · 27/02/2012 16:14

Tbh I've had enough with it all. Sometimes I think id rather give up DS completely. Either that or run away do he can't do this all the time. I've had enough of it

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/02/2012 16:21

wibbly... "A lot of people think MEN are entitled to come and go as they please". No, they don't. Where are you seeing that? You only have to read the posts here to see the support that is extended to a parent who is getting an unfair deal.

Anybody, of any gender, who thinks they have 'entitlement' is going to get pulled up on it.

SydSaid · 27/02/2012 16:22

There's two sides to this.
YANBU to be hacked off by the way he has asked. It is aggressive and disrespectful.

He isn't being unreasonable to ask (but he should have been polite about it)

If he is in a temp job and depending on his contract (verbal or written)then, contradictory to what has been said, he may not have any say in his hours and his temp contract won't be renewed if he rocks the boat.

If it was me I'd try to chose the side of calm, and agree with a smile. And then forget about it. Unless there is a good reason why that doesn't suit you.

I am a single parent with issues re my ex, but have recently been told by a wan that works at the primary school how impressed she is in the way we handled the split with the kids. And that's because I chose civility above all - and eventually he had no option but to be civil back. I know that won't work for all, but it might be worth a try?

SydSaid · 27/02/2012 16:24

By a woman, not by a wan! Autocorrect fail.

Original poster

livelaughlovevintage · 27/02/2012 16:26

syd I have always let him have what he wanted. Even when that meant he had him every weekend from fri eve til sun eve. It doesn't work. Now he just assumes that he's a dick enough about it I'll roll over and give in to his demands. I can't do it anymore. He thinks that just because he's his dad he is entitled to demand whatever he wants. I don't want him to take him to school on Monday. He's taking over everything

OP posts:

SydSaid · 27/02/2012 16:33

THe fact is that you have set the precedent by allowing him to have the whole weekend. I haven't ever had to go down the legal proceedings route, but I don't know how well it would go down now if you chose that route to give less access than your child is used to.

All he's asking is to shift access to (roughly) 12 hours later, but have the same amount if time to fit round changing work shifts. On the face of it, it doesn't seem unreasonable unless that spoils plans that you have on a Friday or a Sunday evening.

SydSaid · 27/02/2012 16:34

Just to be clear - I'm taking the 'what would be said to a judge' route.

Original poster

livelaughlovevintage · 27/02/2012 16:36

Never mind. I guess no one understands what it's like to have their life destroyed by a pathetic controlling piece of shit ex

OP posts:

SydSaid · 27/02/2012 16:56

He is only controlling if you hand him control. Agreeing isn't handing over control. Giving in, is.

I would be tempted to say to him something like 'that fits in really well, I'll be able to take up Paul/mike/David's invite now' or 'oh great, i was thinking of asking you to take him To school this Monday because ive been asked away for the weekend, wont be back till later.' Let him think that it benefits you. Don't allow him to think that he has won.

Dee03 · 27/02/2012 17:30

I agree with Syd...I know it's very annoying when ex's pull this kind of shit....but just remind yourself you're agreeing to it because of your ds...and make your x think that actually you'd prefer it that way as it makes life a bit easier for you!
My xh did this years ago,. He used to have 2 ds on a Sunday (whoop de whoop) then he phoned me and said he wasn't having them on a Sunday anymore it would be a Saturday, I said no.....he hung up then he turned up the following Saturday!!!!! I had to let boys go or else who looks the bad person!!!

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