to feel critised by mil

[skintyskintskint]

i have been a sahm since j was 25 weeks preg with my 2ND dc. I now have 3 dc 3yrs, 5 yrs and 7yrs.
My bik/sil have 2dc and bil works ft, sil works pt. My in laws have looked after their kids since they were born. My sil had mastitis and in laws woild pick up the baby and keep it frlm 8-6 til bil got home, so sil could rest.

Recently my mil was saying to me that poor sil isnt enjiying being back at work since 2nd baby but how she has always liked having 'her own money'.

She also comments frequently that maybe i could get a little 'nightshift' once dd2 goes to preschool. Despite knowing we have no help with childcare.

I had to invest a huge amount of savings in our mortgage to create a situation where i could stay at home with the kids and turn my back on my career which wasnt easy for me but then i didnt have the free child care on tap like my sil who likes her own money.
I sound like a bitter cow i know. But i feel like mil is really rubbing nose in it.

sorry typos galore using phone!

YANBU!! I have a mil exactly the same. She helped sil ALOT with childcare when her dcs were younger but has never once offered any childcare for my dcs.

Of course I know that is her perogative but she also feels free to make snidey remarks about what I do all day,how she worked all her life even though she had 3 dcs-eh no you didnt you old hag you retired at 40!-EVERYONE should work blah,blah,blah.

And of course her poor ds-my dh-how hard he works etc-just fuck the fuck off you miserable old boot.

You babysit my dcs,your gcs for a couple of hours once a year on our anniversary and you think that makes you super grandparent-it doesnt!

Sorry for the hijack but both mil/sil pissed me off massivly yesterday and am still stewing over it.

Mmm, can't actually see any criticism in MiL's statements - are you sure you're not letting your jealousy over the childcare colour your judgement?

Comment about SiL is just that - comment about SiL.
Many parents work night shifts precisely so they don't have to worry about childcare. IF that's not what you want to do, why not say something along the lines of "I'm planning to stay at home for the moment, might reconsider when the DC are older".

My MIL is the opposite but equally annoying - when I talk about my plans to return to work she says 'but your DCs need you'. Like yours, no help with childcare on offer, just an irritating desire to comment on / interfere with my life and my choices!

Try not to let it bother you. Say something like "DH and I both really like our current arrangement - it works perfectly for our family" and change the subject.

i do try to let it wash over me but it is hard not to take it personally. Esp as she comments on sil liking having her own money in the same convo as suggesting i could do a nightshift. Night shift would be impossible without childcare as dh works away. Mil knows thus anx do csnt really think why she'd say these things. Bellstar i feel ur pain!

Thanks skinty-I was actually going to start my own thread re mil and sil behaviour yesterday as am still so angry about [anger]

I just have to keep reminding myself that sil is jealous-I know she would love to be a sahm but bil wouldnt allow it-plus they have over stretched themselves with mortgage so she has to do more shelf stacking shifts.

I am actually more angry with dh as he sits and agrees with his mum. He maintains that if I returned to work his parents would do childcare but when I point out they have never offered or tell him to go ahead and ask them he has no reply

I just wish I had the balls to stand up to her and tell her its none of her fecking business.

Mn is actually helping me to see that I am not BU when I say I dont want to go to the inlaws for dinner EVERY sunday or have xmas in my own house-I achieved this btw last xmas-it was great!

I think the next time she makes one of her nasty comments will use the line the poster suggested above and glare at dh until he backs me up....

oo bellstar... please do start a thread. (makes me feel better about my mil who is not so bad really)

every sunday? bloody hell!

What's it got to do with your MIL?

You sound very sensible OP, the fact that you put your savings towards your mortgage shows that you've planned thought about it and haven't just done it regardless.

Just ignore your MIL. I like mumofthreekids' response. Can you get your DH to back you up? I assume he is happy with the situation too. Or just say breezily 'Oh, we planned financially for it, so don't really need to worry about money...thanks for your concern though' or something like that.

Next time say 'Oh is this you offering to look after the DC's then, while on this night shift? Shall you come here or shall I drop them off to you?

If she splutters and says no no I wasn't offering ask her who is going to look after them then.

And everytime she brings it up use the same line.

Oh of course the risk is she may say yes...................

Just 'joke' - "Why, are you offering free childcare?" Then, as she turns green, "Ho ho ho, don't worry, I'm not asking. No it really wouldn't work for us for me to go back to work right now." Be firm.