To have second thoughts about moving in with his parents to save money

[Whirliwig72]

Thanks for clicking on my post. My dilemma is this: my dh and I could save up for a house deposit substantially quicker if we moved from South to North London into his dad's place. Although my head says its a very sensible plan my heart says otherwise please help me decide what to do. I have two sons under three.

On the plus side:
*We would save a lot of money each month (around 2k)
*We would be helping his dad out - he will be out of the uk for the short term future and we would be keeping an eye on the place by living there and paying bills
*We would be company for dh's dad when he does return to the uk / he will get to enjoy his grand children
*schools are very good in the area
*i will see much more of my parents which would be great

On the negative side:

• the house is not very child friendly -there are cream carpets and lots of nick nacks and breakable things around to be broken/swallowed I don't like the house or feel at home there - it is dark, the decor is very old fashioned and not very practical. We would be limited in what we could change.
• I would be moving from a place I love where I have just started to make good friends to a place where I don't know anyone (the commute between the two places is 40 mins each way so I can't see myself doing it more than a few times a month)
• ds1 has friends here he would miss and would lose his nursery place (although he has yet to start). *living with extended family even part time is hard. The kids might start to annoy his dad in big doses. *there is a strong possibility moving there will piss DH's sister off and been seen as unfair by her.

Please help us decide what to do!

Thank you everyone for all your useful suggestions. Plenty to talk about with DH later ;)

WE lived with my parents for 3 long long months. i found it really hard to have to start conforming again to their rules - when we ate tea, what time we got home etc etc. i think i had lived away from home long enough to have my own set of "rules" and found it really difficult to go back again. You can overcome all the physical things like the carpet and the nicknacks and nursery but it is the mental/emotional bits that are the tricky things. a really difficult decision for you - good luck

But then, I don't have a problem with eternal rent

I don't see eternal rent' as a problem, more an inevitability for anyone below 40 who doesn't have wealthy parents.

I wouldn't sacrifice the next few years in order to acquire a mortgage, but then it wouldn't hugely bother me if I never owned a house. However if it is important to you and it is really the only way to do it, then it seems a sensible-ish plan.

Whoa, your DH's Mum is terminally ill? The impact of that situation on him and, by extension, your family cannot be underestimated. Your DC are young and will be flexible, why not focus on what DH and FIL need for their emotional well being at this awful time? And if living in FIL's house moves you closer to your own parents then cherish that while you still have them.

Me and my husband lived between our parents for 2 years before buying a house together. I won't lie. It was hard, there was a lot of tongue biting and it drove us both nuts at times.

I would say that the deciding factor here should be how good your relationship is with your FIL. Its not always going to be perfect and you will have arguments. But if you have a good relationship, you'll ride it out and it will be fine.

Looking at your list of pro and cons - your pros are more common sense, financial and family based. Your cons are more about the practical impact it will have on you as well as being friend based. The first is very definitely more about a long term plan, the other is more about short term considerations.

I know which list I would consider more important.

Done this before, never again. I don't know your inlaws, they may be vastly different to mine but I wish I'd never moved into my inlaws house. Wouldn't even go on holiday with them now. When we go stay at theirs nowadays I refuse to go unless I know exactly how long we'll be there for and DP swears on his life the timeframe wont change.

I don't hate my inlaws. I just can only take so much of them. Like no longer than a longish weekend at a time. I'm sure the feeling is mutual.