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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want some sleep too?

14 replies

startwig1982 · 26/02/2012 21:28

DS, 8mo, is teething and snotty and has been waking during the night for the last week or so. He's generally got a dirty nappy when he wakes, so I get up and change him, then try to get him back to sleep by whatever means except drugging him. Sometimes he stays awake from 4.30am until after breakfast when he has a nap. DH usually sleeps through and is not disturbed at all.
So, yesterday, DH had a lie in until about 11am, then a nap in the afternoon. Today, again, a nap in the afternoon. Meanwhile, I do 3 loads of washing, clean the kitchen(both days), look after DS etc. I have just come to bed, slightly earlier than usual, in an attempt to catch up on some sleep. DH thinks I'm in a mood. AIBU to just want some sleep? Sorry for rant btw.

OP posts:

StrandedBear · 26/02/2012 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purpleroses · 26/02/2012 21:30

YANBU - if you're the one that's up in the night with him, you should be the one to get the lie in or the nap in the day. Tell DH that that's what you need.

mousymouseafraidofdogs · 26/02/2012 21:30

yabu, just get in the bed for a nap before dh can. or send him off with dc to the park so you can nap. and let him help with the laundry, part of it is his, surely!

MsF1t · 26/02/2012 21:33

Can he not look after your son for a day on the weekend so you can get some sleep and relax?

Oh, and don't clean or do anything. It's very important you get some proper rest if you're going to be able to cope.

mousymouseafraidofdogs · 26/02/2012 21:33

sorry, yanbu to want some sleep, but yabu not to take it.

TheArmadillo · 26/02/2012 21:34

have you talked to your dh about setting aside one day a week for you to have a lie in? Maybe one weekend day you have a lie in and the other you have a nap or just a quiet couple of hours.

Why is your dh sleeping so much? That seems much more than normal.

YANBU to need more sleep. YABU if you haven't talked to your dh about this to try to come up with a solution.

StepfordWannabe · 26/02/2012 21:34

Give the poor child some pain relief FFS, I bet if your wisdom teeth were coming in you'd take some paracetamol at least.

Also, I think your DH is probably just a bit thick like mine and unless you spell out how tired you are and SAY, not ask, that you are going for a nap now (complete with earplugs), he just won't realise that you are suicidal with exhaustion.

Basically, stop being a martyr - YADNBU to want some sleep but you need to take care of yourself here and communicate your sleep needs.

purpleroses · 26/02/2012 21:36

Also, if DH is sleeping through the night waking - does he actually know how much you've been awake? He won't know unless you tell him. And even then you may have to spell out that this means your tired and would like a nap.

Iggly · 26/02/2012 21:38

YANBU

However why is your DH napping when you need it? You must Tell him you're napping while he looks after baby. And you're having a lie in too.

Perhaps give him a kick at 4am so he gets the point quicker

Original poster

startwig1982 · 26/02/2012 21:39

DH has depression and is not great at dealing with other people's needs. It's a bit like walking on eggshells sometimes. Plus he teaches and I know how exhausting that is! I just end up feeling guilty if I go off for a sleep. But you are right, I need to do something about it. Oh and DS has had Calpol, poor lad, but he still wakes up!

OP posts:

Pozzled · 26/02/2012 21:41

YANBU to want some sleep, but you are sounding a little martyr-ish. If you are ehausted after a night of teething, prioritise yourself rather than the housework. If it were me, I would have let DH have his lie-in the first day, but when he got up I would have handed the baby over and gone off to have a nap. I wouldn't wait for him to offer. And the next day it would have been my turn for a lie-in.

purpleroses · 26/02/2012 21:43

Spell out your needs - don't be afraid of saying that you're tired. And negotiate who can have a nap when - there's time enough at a weekend for both of you to have an afternoon nap if you both need one. If your DH is depressed he may be particularly bad at being aware of other people's needs - so don't expect him to guess.

Pozzled · 26/02/2012 21:45

X-posted. Don't feel guilty. Yes, your DH has needs. but so do you and if you don't acknowledge them and deal with them, you'll end up resenting him. If your DH is halfway decent he'd prefer to know how you feel.

Iggly · 26/02/2012 21:46

He should get treated (DH). I know it's an illness but no need to be selfish. Plus does depression mean he needs more sleep?

Try calprofen. It'll wear off after 6 hours so you'll need to give again in the night. However it might not be teething. A dirty nappy at night must be causing it too - take a look at his diet and cut down on fruit/high fibre late in the day. Plus there's a sleep regression at 8 mo and nap requirements change as their sleep cycles adjust realises you didn't ask for advice

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