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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for my disabled brothers support workers to surf the net whilst caring for him

69 replies

oldermummy11 · 26/02/2012 18:10

I happened to look at the history today and during the night when he has staff on who should be awake, they were using the net to check their emails, look at holidays and even online dating, I think this is inappropriate any thoughts?

OP posts:

hanaka88 · 26/02/2012 18:20

An easy job? Not an washing? Don't know what happened there

Original poster

oldermummy11 · 26/02/2012 18:21

In my brothers case on some occasions it's easy if they want it to be, I wouldn't say caring for a relative 24/7 is easy, My mum did it for 40 years with him before this and my father also has Alzheimers so I know it's never easy in some situations

OP posts:

hanaka88 · 26/02/2012 18:21

Tell you what oldermummy, if you're bothered. Give up work and you do the 'easy job' for the £50 a week you'll get. See how easy it actually is.

redspottedfrog · 26/02/2012 18:21

As long as he is asleep and they are not shirking on their duties, and it's not costing your brother anything for them to do it, what is they harm? What do you think they shoul be doing if their duties are finished for say, 30mins-hour? Nightshifts are hard, especially if there are long periods when there isn't much to do just because it can be so much harder to stay awake!

You only mentioned the problem in the daytime after your OP, that's a little bit of drip feeding....

SocialButterfly · 26/02/2012 18:22

If they are neglecting your brother full stop that is unacceptable, however if he is getting good care from them and they are meeting his needs I don't see the harm

Flossyfloof · 26/02/2012 18:22

If they have signed something then they should not be doing it. However, for very obvious reasons I wouldn't make a fuss.

allthequeensmen · 26/02/2012 18:22

OP to give you some perspective as a professional who used to work in adult services (so I've set up and overseen numerous care packages), who has friends who work for MENCAP and has a severely disabled brother herself - what your brother's carers are doing is completely normal. Surfing the net, read a book, doing soduko.. carers need to do something to keep themselves awake during a nightshift, they are not superhuman (and nor should you expect them to be when they are paid little more than minimum wage).

As I said unless they is evidence they are neglecting your brother's care or are looking up illegal or offensive material, YABU.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 26/02/2012 18:24

OP what do you think they should be doing? Specifically, that they are not, currently, doing?

hanaka88 · 26/02/2012 18:24

I had someone come to help with my DS for an hour each morning when I had an injury. I tell you what I did not envy him at all. Kicked, punched, spat on, had to be on top form for entire hour for the minimum wage he'd get then travel to the next one with no petrol money to do the same. I made him coffee and toast every morning because I felt so bad for him. It's bloody hard work, more so if you aren't related.

raffle · 26/02/2012 18:24

If all other jobs have been completed and your brother is asleep, then I can't see what harm this could cause. You think they shouldn't do it? Could you explain why?

feedmefeedmenow · 26/02/2012 18:25

is it any different to mums surfing on mumsnet while in sole charge of their "DCs"

5inthebed · 26/02/2012 18:26

If your brother is asleep, then I cannot see the problem.

Are they otherwise looking after him as best they can? Does he need repositioned at night or is he capable of moving himself in bed?

Original poster

oldermummy11 · 26/02/2012 18:27

He doesn't sleep, he has a high falling risk and needs supervision through the night

OP posts:

AnEcumenicalMatter · 26/02/2012 18:27

If they are breaching the terms of their contract by using your brother's internet then that's a slightly different matter which you should take up with their employers (Health Trust/agency or whatever) if you feel that strongly about it. However, I honestly can't see any real harm in it or much difference between reading a magazine/book/studying/doing their shopping list or however else they might pass the quiet time while on night duty.

What would you do in the small hours when the person you were caring for was sound asleep and didn't need anything?

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 26/02/2012 18:28

As long as they are meeting his needs, they are doing nothing wrong. They are probably able to do a better job if they have some time off.

SocialButterfly · 26/02/2012 18:30

He never sleeps? Or he often wakes and they need to be around in case he does? Are they in the same room as him or elsewhere? There is a bit of drip feeding going on here

Original poster

oldermummy11 · 26/02/2012 18:31

I don't understand the term drip feeding? He does sleep, but not very well, he often tries to get up and is at risk of falling, he is in his bedroom they are in the lounge

OP posts:

FutureNannyOgg · 26/02/2012 18:31

I would be concerned about them using bandwidth he was paying for, i.e. taking him over his limit. I'm not sure about the dating sites either, but work appropriate surfing, and not leaving any dodgy history on his PC, I wouldn't consider a problem.

hanaka88 · 26/02/2012 18:32

You said 'what about in the day when he's awake?' and now you say he doesn't sleep at night? Make up your mind I'm confused now

Original poster

oldermummy11 · 26/02/2012 18:33

Thank you FutureNannyOgg that makes sense to me too now....

OP posts:

allthequeensmen · 26/02/2012 18:33

Oh I'm sacking this thread off, you're drip feeding OP. You should have maybe said in your opening post that there is some contract in place saying they shouldn't do it and that he doesn't ever sleep. You clearly think they are BU so why are you here? Go report them if you think they are neglecting your brother but you are going to need evidence.

To be honest it sounds like you have some underlying resentment towards your brother's carers, you're not going to resolve your negative feelings here I'm afraid.

Original poster

oldermummy11 · 26/02/2012 18:34

Thanks for the really helpful posters on here!!!! NOT!!!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2012 18:34

How is it any different to reading a book when he's asleep/doesn't require help?

altinkum · 26/02/2012 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SocialButterfly · 26/02/2012 18:35

Ok so as far as I can tell, he sleeps poorly and if he gets up he is at risk of falling? The carers stay in the lounge and need to be on hand incase he gets up? So if they are surfing the net, reading a book or staring at the wall, they listen out for him and assist him if they hear him?
Personally I don't see the problem, however if you do then raise it with them. Are you his advocate or your mum? What does she think about it?

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