to feel jealous of material stuff after the year we've had?

[trumpeter]

Yes, probably BVU but I can't help it, I know it makes me sound like a terrible person.
We have had a terrible few years financially which culminated in DH going bankrupt and we lost our home last year. Previously, we had been what I would call 'comfortable' but this has all changed. We now live in a rented flat and had to give up our car.
Last night for the first time in about 8 months I caught up with my close circle of friends in one of their lovely homes. They know our situation and have always been very supportive for which I am very grateful. However, I can't help but feel utterly devastated at our loss, I know it is only material things but I miss our nice home and the freedom of feeling financially secure. I'm so guilty about having these feelings towards my friends that I'm thinking I should cut ties as I don't feel worthy of them now. Please virtually slap some sense into me, why do I feel this way? I'm 35 years old ffs! .

Overall, YANBU. I'd say you're saddened more by the loss of financial security than you are over the loss of material goods, and that is perfectly understandable - I for one can't imagine how tough it must be.

However, YABU to think that you're not 'worthy' of being their friend anymore. Your friendship was not previously defined by ownership of, or lack of, material goods, and that hasn't changed now. Your friends are still your friends.

If you were in their position, and it was another friend who had lost her house etc. - would you think any differently of her? Or would you want her to feel included and still treat her exactly the same as you always did?

It must be really difficult for you, but this is a time where you can rely on your friends' support, instead of considering cutting ties.

Well you're not alone there was a thread almost identical to this not long back.
I'd say focus on what you do have health, family etc it's people not things that really make us happy

YANBU, and I am sorry to hear about your situation.
Please don't cut ties with your friends, though.

YANBU.

It's awful to have your life changed so drastically by finances. It's horrible to be so limited when previously you had some sort of freedom.

I come from the standing of having no money (or very little money). I rent and don't own a car. I can't even afford to send off for my provisional license so I can learn to drive. Money is exponentionally tight here and we live as we have to but I get so very depressed about it.

I agree, dont cut your friends, you yourself say they have been supportive, so they obviously think you are special to them.

sorry to hear about your families situation. ((((slap and a hug))))

YANBU... and I can also understand why you want to hang out with a less affluent crowd. Even if people are extremely nice, generous, kind and so forth you can't help but compare yourself and feel upset for what you've lost. You are certainly worthy of being their friend but it can be awkward being the one member of the group that can't afford to return favours or gifts or join everyone at the restaurant or whatever. When my life went pear-shaped I used to cringe if a friend said 'don't worry, we'll pay your share' or similar. It's normal.

So be honest with them and honest with yourself about how you're feeling. Above all hold your head high because things will get better and you'll be glad you kept your friends when they do.

YANBU for feeling sad you have lost your material security but YABU for feeling you have to lose your friends too. So often "friends" drop people like a stone when they are having a tough time - yours haven't. You are only 35 so you can pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start all over again. You have your health and your looks, your friends and hopefully your family.

We have every material thing most people hope for; we had our second son for all but a few minutes and even though it was 15 years ago, I would happily be in a caravan now if he could have lived instead.

I could have written your post really, we haven't gone bankrupt (yet) nor lost our house (yet) although i am hoping it wont happen, i live in constant fear of it. This has been going on for about five years now and is draining, as im sure you know.

But heres the thing, It has totally changed how i feel about material things, I see them for what they are - trivial. What matters is our families and real friends. You are lucky in as much as you have supportive friends so that is brilliant. I would echo marriedinwhite you are still young and should look now to be making a fresh start from scratch. I dont know how bankruptcy works but you at least have a clean slate, you wont be able to get credit and this is by no means a bad thing. We don't have any credit options either and we thought we would never manage, yeah, its shit when the car goes wrong, but I have learnt to fix things pretty darn quick and have mended dishwashers, vans and fridges in the past year - that is far more rewarding than chucking it out and buying new i can tell you. I now look at friends who buy frivulous purchaes a bit and think, WHY do you need a bag that cost you £500 ffs, even if i won the lottery i wouldnt bother now, i just don't want it. I used to want to play the property game, but now i just want somewhere to live. We are hanging on to our house like grim death but sometimes i wonder if all the stress is actually worth it, in some ways i wish i had the balls to just go bankrupt and start again. I really admire you actually and i hope that 2012 is a better year for you, i suspect it will be.

marriedinwhite you are so so right, and i am very sorry for your loss x