First of all, I've NC'd for this. I could be quite recognisable by this post and I don't want it connected with my usual posting name. I just can't decide how to deal with this family situation. This will probably be long so I apologise in advance!
Last year, I lost my father. He was ill for quite a long time and it was a very difficult time for myself and my siblings and while we're doing okay now, it was hard for a long time and we only got through it because of the support from the wider family.
One person who did not offer sympathies, support, anything really, is a cousin of mine. She had nothing at all to say when we called to tell her my dad had died (she said "oh right" when told), never sent a sympathy card, didn't come to see us, nothing. She lives in the same town as me and does not work so this is not an issue of not having the time to do something. She literally never came near us. On the day of the funeral, she was repeatedly texting my brother about something trivial despite knowing and being reminded that it was the day of the funeral (which she didn't come to). Since then, she has been harrassing us about when we will be making a decision what to do with the ashes. It's not been requests for information and dates, etc, it's been actual messages telling us to tell her what will happen. We don't yet know what we will do, and this is what she has been told each time she has asked, along with that we would let her know when plans were in place. She won't come so I don't know why she wants to know. I have been informed she has been telling people she was ordered to stay away from us and that we are pathetic. Not once was she asked to stay away. Since all that happened (it has been less than six months) I have not contacted her and have kept my distance.
Anyway, that's mainly the backstory in terms of the current dilemma.
Her son will turn eight in a couple of weeks time. I am usually expected to help (practically and financially) at a party she throws for him but she has not spoken to me about it. AFAIK she has not spoken to my siblings about it either. There's a small chance that the reason she has not approached any of us is because she knows she has behaved badly, but I suspect it's because it's the way it always is with her, she has a tantrum and we are expected to pander to her. This time we haven't so she is giving us all the silent treatment.
I am tempted to post a present and card to her DS and leave it at that. I don't want to actually approach my cousin and end up apologising for not contacting her. Experience tells me she will sulk until I do. I feel bad that I have not seen her DS for quite some time, but I am really hurt by his mother's behaviour.
AIBU to not want to approach her? Will the present and card be enough?