I am NOT neurotic!

[PoultryInMotion]

I haven't had the easiest pregnancy, two massive bleeds in the early stages, anaemia, and reduced movements that required a fair bit of monitoring a few weeks ago.

This morning I was concerned that once again I hadn't felt the baby move in approx 24 hours. Did all I could think of to get it to move, but nothing forthcoming so I rang the assessment unit and was advised to go in for monitoring. Fortunately all was well, was monitored for about an hour and a half and told it was likely positional but they were happy baby was ok.

Family have all seem to have rung each other because we live in each others pockets they are concerned. Have had a few phone calls from various members asking how I am (which is very nice) but why do they all insist on telling me that I 'just need to settle down now' and 'try and keep calm next time' 'I must stop worrying about things' and of course 'sometimes babies don't move much, you know'

Now I know I'm being a bitch (a very tired, hormonal and emotional one) but yes I do know that sometimes babies don't move much, I have been pregnant before after all, I also know that 24 hours is a fucking long time for it not to move.

I also do not need to 'calm down'. Anxiety is not causing me to not feel the baby. The baby not moving is causing me to not feel the baby move. They made me feel like I've been dramatic and over cautious. I was actually very controlled this morning. Yes I had a few silent tears after speaking to the midwife, then I splashed my face and calmly got into the car and drove myself to the hospital.

I know they were trying to be nice, but really they made me feel like I was being a complete drama queen. The only reason they knew about it in the first place is because I ended up being late picking my Nan up for lunch.

On the plus side, DD (2.2) has been an absolute saint all day allowing herself to be put in the car with a slice of toast in her hand, playing quietly behind a curtain with her doll for an hour and a half whilst I had to keep still, eating at funny times and having to sit in the car for ages while I ferried Nan about.

A big part of me wants to just go and lie down beside her and hug her and not let go. Except I would break her toddler bed with my great big bulk

YANBU or neurotic. You are taking good care of your baby and doing exactly the right thing. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is a bit less stressful for you!

Sorry you're having such a tough time OP...

You are right to trust your instincts and get yourself checked out if you feel it is needed. Your pregnancy, your call!

Your relatives are probably only worried about you, but only YOU know how you feel. I know it is easier said than done but try and ignore them.

Oh, and have a (caffeine free)

You are NOT neurotic at all. Check out every episode of reduced movement. My son was stillborn 2 years ago and I wish I had been more up on his movements. Do what you have too to make sure both of you are well. Hugs

So sorry about your son siilk.

Yanbu, basically THEY just don't want to have to worry, so it's easiest for them to be in denial / imply that you're being neurotic.

Ime Maternal assessment units often say they're quite happy to do checks if women are worried.

I bought a foetal monitor in my last pregnancy. Rarely felt Dd2 kick, was always worrying and the monitor reassured me.

You are not neurotic.

I have a stillborn son and a premature daughter who died shortly after her birth. I worried a lot in my third pregnancy and was allowed to go in for a check up whenever I felt any concerns.

I would advise anyone who notices a change to their babies movements to go to have everything checked out. So would most midwives I am sure.

i'd probably say calm down as well, you do seem a bit uptight and highly strung

I think you are being perfectly reasonable and cautious. Is there any literature from the assessment unit you can give your family so they will shut up. IME people telling you that you are being dramatic or neurotic just add to stress. The only people I listen to with regards to such issues are the fully trained mediacl staff you see.

Piss off, feedme!

If the OP sounds stressed it's probably the result of understandable concern about lack of movement and being hassled, labelled and dismissed by family.

Oh my word, you are just being sensible! I worked with someone that had not felt her baby move, and she was persuaded not to do anything about it - by the time she insisted it was too late and her baby had died - she'll never forgive herself for not going earlier, as something might have been able to have been done.

You did the right thing, don't let anyone persuade you otherwise.

Totally NOT unreasonable! Better safe than sorry. I felt no movement and went to get checked and was whisked off for a c section very quickly. I was told if I'd waited as little as half an hour I would probably have lost my boy. I'd had a dream pregnancy so there was no other indication anything was wrong. And the nurses all said they see women all the time who worry about coming in because they don't want to "make a fuss" and then lose their babies. They WANT you to go in if your worried. You're not making a fuss, you're looking after your baby. And like you say, its not like you're a nervy first time mum! And thumbs up for your little DD, bless her!

Thank you for the helpful comments! It was nice just to be reassured and TBF the midwife monitoring me was lovely and didn't make me feel like a nuisance at all.

Thanks for the Caffeine I need it!

I'm so sorry for your losses siilk and NoOnes, I can't imagine a bigger pain.

I really dislike the "calm down, dear" brigade, because (a) that never works on someone's anxieties, and (b) is no substitution for foetal monitoring.

Perhaps you could try the "calm down, dear" strategy on them, by saying that you're not going to talk about your pregnancy because that's clearly distressing the poor dears them.

Your actions were sensible not neurotic. Tell them less. I didn't tell anyone except my husband if I had to go for CTGs. It doesn't affect them.

Gosh of course YANBU or neurotic - just sensible! Well done for getting checked out, please don't fold to the pressure to 'calm down' and not go if you feel concerned again.
I can only assume that the people who think you're overreacting either had their babies a very long time ago and have forgotten what pregnancy's like, or had lovely stress-free pregnancies that never gave them cause for concern. I got a bit of this while I was preg, people kept saying I had '1st baby syndrome', is it called PFB on here? Bloody rude of people to dismiss your concern for your baby!
Maybe see if someone/MW has a foetal monitor you could borrow?

Lots of people don't realise how many babies are lost to stillbirth.
Never can be too cautious. My friend's mum gave her grief about making a fuss over reduced movements. Her granddaughter died.
Ignore them.

You are not being neurotic. YANBU. You are doing the absolute right thing. Please please ignore your (however well meaning) family and continue to go in for monitoring if there is any change in your babies movement. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy