to not want to get upset by an email and to be fed up with not announcing pregnancy and hide it instead?

[XboxWidow30]

Blooming in-laws! That's what it comes down to!

Now I have told my family and they are all happy for us, told in-laws about dc4 and they said we were mad and now we are expecting dc5. The other children know so hubby thought it would be easier if our dd told Nanny.

My parents thought this was an ok idea but have now had an email saying really we should do it and not leave it up to dd to do it.

We would if we knew we weren't going to get an awful reaction and thought this a better way (for us!)

Now I have got annoyed by the email and am fed up of hiding my pg from people cos the in-laws don't know. Coming up to 17 weeks already.

Rant over, I will go and hide under the washing pile now!

Just tell her. End of!

You know you're going get an awful reaction, why are you punishing yourself by dragging it out and feeling unable to tell the rest of the world?

Er, what?

It's not up to your parents, just delete the email and do what you want. Why do your in laws think its such a bad idea? If you can afford five children, they ate being wierd to not be happy.

True, I suppose. If we know what we are in for then we shouldn't be putting it off. Just can't be doing with listening to it!!

Your DH should be doing it. I think it's a bad idea to get your DD to tell them.

If you think the reaction will be awful, why ask your child to do it? Seems a little unfair.

Congrats!

Just tell them. It's none of their business if you choose to have another child. Unless maybe you are always asking them for childcare. Make sure you tell them in a very positive way - "we're so excited and pleased about the new baby" kinda thing.

If they make rude comments just reiterate "we are delighted and would like you to be happy for us".

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll, don't know why they are like they are. They aren't the greatest in laws!

PeppyNephrine, I am a tired oversensitive pg woman who can't be bothered with the in laws anymore!

You could forestall any criticism by saying "Yes, we must be completely mad but we are terribly excited to announce that we are expecting DC 5! Isn't it fabulous? We are all really looking foreword to it!"

Why would you do that, OP? Get your DD to tell them. It's very cowardly. I can understand that you don't want to get the same reaction but you could deal with that when it happens - or let your husband tell them and put them straight when they say that you're mad.

If it were me, I'd go with him and just say something like, "Thanks for your opinion, it doesn't matter anyway - we're happy and that's all that matters.". Maybe with, "When the baby arrives, I assume that you'll treat it with courtesy and kindness as you do with the others; if not, we'll review the whole arrangement".

Be straightforward and manage your expectations because people don't always react in the way that is kind or the way that you want. You don't need to be a doormat but you do need to face things.

Why subject your dd to a negative reaction? storing up trouble if you ask me!

Just tell them..... I have 5 dc, constant references to the von trapp family! It's boring now

If you get your DD tell your ILs, and they react badly, won't that just make your DD worry that there's some kind of problem about your pregnancy - or your financial security, or your health or something - she doesn't know about? How old is she?

I had the same reactions when I announced DC 4. I knew what was coming so I didn't announce really till after my 20 week scan (even work) and then it all started - can you afford another child? Is your house big enough? Christ are you trying for a football team? I got the lot. Sometimes it is so disheartening when you do not get the right support from your nearest & dearest. I won't repeat what my dad said to me when I told him I was excpecting DC4 as I like to forget that episode. Eventually when I told people I felt obligated to add "I'm sorry but I do not want to hear anything negative about having a fourth child, me and my husband planned this baby and we are very excited about having another addition to the family so if you don't have anything positive to say then please do not say anything". It worked as word spread and I wasn't surrounded by negativity. A child is a blessing whether its your first or or fifth and congratulations.

A lady at my daughters school has just announced her 9th pregnancy xx

I think you/your OH need to grow up.

Just tell them. Getting your dd to tell/sending an email suggests (or will suggest to in laws) that you feel furtive/embarrassed by it. Given that youve ignoredntheir negativity and criticism re: dc4 by going on to have dc5, their comments should be as water off a duck's back. Or just in one ear and out the other.

As Lucy says. It's cowardly and unreasonable to give the task to a child and as for your in-laws, what business is it of theirs how many children you have? Either ignore it or tell them to shut the hell up because it's nothing to do with them.

I don't think you should get DD to do your dirty work for you.
Your OH should do it.

Tell them you're preggers and the initial scan reveals that it's quads. Then when they've picked themselves up off the floor you can go "Ha Ha! Got you! It's just the one!"

"We're having a baby. We are thrilled at the news, and the baby will be born round about [week or month] "
Then if they say anything negative just say "we'd prefer you not to be negative about your youngest grandchild, please stop." Then they can shut up or you can leave.

I had an online signature I loved that said 'yes I am pregnant again... yes, we know what causes it!' - I found that tended to stop the comments at least online :)

Don't tell them and when they get the hump when they eventually find out just say "I couldn't face you having the same reaction as to dc4, it was too upsetting for me". They'll struggle to answer that.

It sounds as though you shouldn't have told your parents either if they're going to start telling you how to live your lives as well.
Having said that i do think making a small kid tell her grandparents her parents are expecting because her parents are too chicken is unpleasant and manipulative. Agree I'd just get your husband to include it in the general news when he next talks to them. If they make a fuss he puts the phone down.

"hubby thought it would be easier"

Easier for him.

It's Mother's Day in a few weeks - stick it in a card and call screen for a few days .