Hello I'm new here. Husband swearing AIBU ...

[Boysandgirlscomeouttoplay]

My OH thinks I'm overreacting but I find his constant swearing really offensive and it's getting me down that he won't check his behaviour.

For instance, he came home tonight - just now - was in the kitchen getting some water and our ever hopeful cat was meowing for food - OH told him to F@@k off!

Other times OH swears on front of our children and when I ask him to curb it he just says that "he can't change who he is". Now don't get me wrong - I can swear like a trouper at times but ALWAYS make sure it's not in front of the kids.

So AIBU to ask that he grows a pair and deal with his unreasonable behaviour here?

Bollocks to you too Dilys. Swearing is just words.

YANBU boysandgirls. But as you can see it's probably the minority opinion here.

IMO it's about leading by example.

Though hearing a toddler say 'ooooooo shit' when she drops something is cute

It really really isnt you know... ...

There's nothing remotely cute about kids swearing imo

And this....

I tell my cat to fuck off too!
Presumably he's always sworn, why the big fuss now?

Yes, perhaps your cat has always sworn but that's no reason not to make a fuss....

I don't get the adult words business.

MY husband works in an all male enviroment and has always worked as a tradesman and his language can be shocking at times , I cringe at the invetivness of his swearing he can put together a fuckcuntbollocks at the drop of a hat , I hate swearing i find it a bit offensive i when i wrote those swearwords , but op i think you have to say you dont like and want him swearing infront of the children MY husband doesnt he will control it ,yanbu but yabu about the cat I even swear at mine especially at 7 am when i want coffee and she DEMANDS whiskas

Well a 'bugger' is someone who commits buggery....so I would have thought so stranded

the first time he swore at me or in general conversation with me, i would tell him pack it in or or pack it up

if he wants to swear with his mates, fine, at home - no!

I have the same rules for the kids (all over 18s) and they respect that

Though hearing a toddler say 'ooooooo shit' when she drops something is cute

not in my house, I would feel very sad

First time DS said 'shit' I laughed, it was funny in a shocking way, but I did tell him it was a naughty word. First time he said 'fucking' I nearly fainted. I hardly ever swear in front of him and not does DH, if we let one slip DS tells us off

I hate it in front of young dc. I also hate various expressions that aren't necessarily swearing, said in anger, normally shouted loudly, in public. It makes me judgy as hell. Examples - 'shut your face' 'I'm gonna give you a smack if you don't shut up' and my personal 'fave' used in shops, mainly 'shut your mouth, or the wo/man's gonna go mad' Ugh. Just Ugh.

So no, YADDNBU.

Potty mouth extraordinaire speaking, btw, but never in front of dc.

The question is what he wants to teach your children and how he's going to respond when their swearing in class is brought up at parents' evening, after other parents have complained. Some of them may not want their darlings to be friends with yours, if they teach them bad words (I'm assuming your children are young as this is a new issue for you).

Swearing is cultural and social, people do it in some environments but not others, just as they might have a different manner in a work meeting than at home. Everyone can and does moderate their behaviour all the time.

His unwillingness to consider or respect your wishes is a problem too.

Depends how much he actually does swear. If it's after every other word then that's extreme but a few thrown in now and again is fine and you did say he's always sworn - leopards and spots an all that.

As long has he doesn't swear at the children then it wouldn't bother me.

I swear more than my DP, he told me once it wasn't lady like, he only told me that the ONCE!

Well I used to be like this, (asking dh not to swear) but I am not teaching my children that as with other stuff, adults are allowed to swear & they are not.

YABU about the cat, what's the point of having a cat if you can't tell it to fuck off once in a while?

The real issue is that he is discounting your feelings.

Any behaviour can be changed, if the person wants to. He has told you he doesn't want to. Which amounts to telling you to put up and shut up.

Can you accept that?

My cat is a laydeee! She does not appreciate being sworn at.

My DC on the other hand have dutty mouths....

Actually, ...they don't really Although we've had to have a word with DS1 from time to time for swearing around his 8yr old brother! Mind you his 8yr old brother is enough to make a saint swear....

Dh and I aren't exactly pure as the driven in this area but it's not habitual or regular.

I am always telling my cats to fuck off. Esepcially the siamese that isn't actually mine but is always on my bed staring at me in an evil way. He doesn't fuck off though.

YANBU about swearing around the children but if you have gone 25 years swearing away merrily I suppose it gets to be a habit and he may just need help breaking it. He needs to sort it though

YANBU to say 'not in front of the kids' he's an adult, while one word may accidentally slip through he needs more self control if he can't curb the rest.

Although i have to ask...is this a new thing?? Because if it's not and you've been together a while well then he's right, you really can't be trying to change him now and make it a big issue when you've let it slide before. If it's tackled from day 1 and still remains an issue then really you decide if it's a deal breaker, if it's not and you stay with them then unfortunately it's a well known fact that if you let something go for a long time then that person sees it as an open forum to do again, in other words they see it as you don't like it but you are putting up and shutting up about it.

If it's a new thing, or something that you tackled and has just now reared it's cursing head then is there a reason it's kicking off a lot?

YANBU if its important to you.

The rule in our house is when you are old/intelligent enough to swear with flair and in the correct context and situation you can fill your fucking boots.HTH.