to be taken aback that my mum presented me with an (early) easter egg but not my DD? When DD (6) was also in the room?

[newfashionedmum]

Is that very unusual? In the past DD wasn't given chocolate (I'm talking 3 years ago here). My mum has had difficulty accepting my DD as mine (she's adopted) so maybe I'm being oversensitive because of that knowledge.

No you are not being over sensitive.

When you were applying to adopt,did she bring this up then?

If a potential adopter has close family they are usually asked if everyone is onboard.

I am sorry but i would start to set strict boundary limits with your mum and if she cannot accept your DD, she shouldn't get through the front door.

That is really a bit off, my mum gives sweets and chocolate to all the kids she knows. Is your dd ok about this? Perhaps you ought to speak to your mum about it as your dd is sure to have noticed. If it was me I would have made a point to ask my mum "so where is dd's chocolate egg?"

On second thoughts it is just plain mean!

YANBU

It depends. Perhaps your mother saw a whizz-bang fancy egg, and trusted you to have self restraint.

She might be holding your daughters egg back until Easter?

Are you sure that the egg was for YOU? I don't know any mothers who give their adult children eggs...

Give it to your DD and say it's from grandma.

My DM gives me (and DH) eggs.

It's actually entirely possible that your DM got confused and remembered that you were a "crazy PFB modern mother" who didn't give her DD chocolate, and forgot that that no longer applied - GMs do tend to get that sort of thing mixed up.

that's what i wondered Dilys - it did seem a bit insensitive to give it to me in front of DD though. It was on the kitchen table, i'm wondering whether she just forgot that she'd left it out and then didn't want to make a big deal of it. I know i should have asked her and I'm annoyed with myself for not doing - but there's a delicately balanced dynamic and they seem FINALLY to be getting on with each other better every time we see each other - i didn't want to risk a defensive reaction.. I just explained to DD that granny seems to think that only mummies buy eggs for their children and not anyone else she's aware my mum is not like other nannies she knows and seemed more ok with it than i am!

Update for anyone watching...I raised it with my mum...diplomatically...she was huffy initially. But lo and behold next time we visited, an egg had appeared for DD. nothing was said, but I appreciate her thinking about it and doing it after all. Maybe things are improving there at last!

Thats awful, im adopted myself and it always pulls at my strings a bit hearing Adoption stories.

Good for having a word with her, as if she continues this attitude it will at some point become apparent to your DD & that is not what you want.

Glad you spoke to your Mum about it in the end. You say she was huffy? In what way? Did she not intend to buy your dd an egg?

comedy, she said I was her little girl, so she bought eggs for me, it was up to me to buy eggs for DD. I think she's had a hard time accepting DD as my DD - is not able to really see her as a granddaughter. I think its a combination of things - maybe she's not ready to be a grandma, and also sees DD as 'in the way' of me having my 'own' child (I overheard her say this to a friend). She's not really into small children and is almost hostile about them - her own unresolved childhood issues, of which there are many, she had a rubbish one. Also feels bad about mine which was also pretty awful - I wonder if she hasn't finished 'mummying' me enough to let go and move on to prioritising the next generation, which is what most grandparents seem to do..
I think showing her the best way to care for me is to care for DD is the way to go. Now DD is older it is getting easier.

It does seem a bit strange. My mum always bought me an egg, but when the kids came along she gave them eggs instead. It sounds like your mum is working on it though, which is something.