Am I within my rights to be cross with the inlaws??

[Louboo2245]

This might be a bit long so here goes.
So in the spring of 2010 my inlaws bought a house for me and DH to live in (paying them rent) with a view to buy it off of them (at the price they payed) when we could afford to.

The house that was bought needed completely gutting, so we took it back to the brick throughout, had the electrics done, new central heating, the works. all paid for by the 10,000 my grandparents had left me (just pointing out we have an investment in the house)

Unfortunately we couldn't finish all the work before we moved in (august 2010) due to pressure to move out from out previous land lord. The work that needs doing is all cosmetic, but needs a certain amount of DIY skills that neither myself or my DH possess (he is a geek/nerd, sit him infront of a computer and he's away).

Just to give you a brief run down on the jobs I can't do myself.
Fire place in the front room needs facing.
The bathroom needs tiling.
The sower needs installing
The kick strips in the kitchen need putting in as does the back splash.
Coving and skirting boards need putting in, in the living room. Normally I wouldn't bother with coving but there is damage to the ceiling that needs covering up.
utility space needs plastering.
floor needs laying in the kitchen
Shed needs putting up
and a fence needs errecting around the rear parimeter.

So as I said nothing we can't live without but it is driving me nuts that my house is half finished.

My DH family has done the work (dad and engineer/DIYer and brother a Builder) and had promised faithfully they would come back and finish off, yet it only gets done in dribs and drabs with weeks in between.

Dh has taken a week off of work this week to try and coax FIL over to finish the bathroom, unfortunately his brother has broken his leg falling through a garage roof, so there is no chance it will get done.

Now I love my inlaws and they have done so very much for us, so don't want to come across as bitchy, but living in a half finished house is driving me to distraction.

Should I just get down of my high horse and have a go myself, shut up and put up or start the great nagging quest myself?

Don't know where else to put this bit without seeming to make excuses, but my youngest is 7 weeks old by ECS so still in recovery really. So sat in the house looking at it isn't helping.

YABU as I would give my eye teeth for inlaws or parents who helped anywhere close to what yours are helping. I think that you have a little baby which is making you feel worse about it all. I would just shut up and if I cant fix it myself or get someone in to fix it, just live with it like the rest of us who need things fixing do.

You are looking at your house more as a "rental" that they need to fix/maintain but it isnt at all. If you are planning to buy the house from them at the price they paid - you cannot expect them to fix everything on your time frame unless you are prepared to have the price increased when you eventually buy it from them.

Could you have a look in the local paper for 'odd job' men/woman? My mum had a huge list of things that needed to be done - and it worked out quite cheap for her to do this as the chap didnt have a lot of work on and was looking for somthing to do?

My Dad's face though when he came home and found a 17yr old (chap's son) Brewing himself a tea wearing only a pair of Jean's in his kitchen was a picture ;)(It was Very hot and he was building things in the garden)

I too live in a flat with unfinished odds and sods due to my own and parents diy skills, so I feel that pain with you!

I would prioritize - bathroom and fence - and pay to have them done and live with the rest. Your in laws sound lovely, but clearly see it as your house, not theirs as landlords and trust you.

YABU, but deep down I think you already know that!

You could have a go at tiling the bathroom yourself OP. Take your time, use a spirit level on every tile, and plenty of adhesive and away you go. I tiled my own bathroom, and made such a good job of it I now do the odd bit for my Dad (he's a builder) as he says I'm neater than him!

Get a DIY book from the library..Readers Digest used to do a great one, drag your DP off his computer and give it a bash. Plastering isn't something you should tackle yourselves, but kick plates, skirting and coving are reasonably straightforward. Just remember to measure twice and cut once. You'll get an enormous sense of acheivement I promise.

And congratulations on your new arrival :)

YABU I know it must be driving you bonkers but they dont need to stop everything that needs doing , I would find a man or woman who can to do some of the work for you , isnt there anything you and you dh could try yourselves , you do realise that not Inlaws would help buying a house

YABU. You should either try and do it yourself or put up and shut up. It is frustrating to live in a half finished project for years. But you've had a lot off your PILs and are expecting more (right to buy at old price and at your convenience), so it is ungrateful to badger them for more. If it's been nearly two years you could probably have learnt to do half those jobs well by now. You can still ask when they could do things (or teach you) but now is not the time. Your BIL can't be in a great place right now, even at its best a broken leg for a builder is going to be a major inconvenience and probably quite expensive for a few months, at it's worst it could mean he's unable to work properly again.

I was ready to answer your original AIBU by saying you are nearly always within your rights to be cross with the in laws.

But YABU. You are in a very very fortunate position and you have an opportunity that many other could only dream of. I can understand that it's driving you stir crazy to be spending so much time in a half finished house, but apart from gentle persuasion, there is nothing you can do.

Why has your dh taken a whole week of work just to try and persuade? He could do some research and attempt it himself, or you could save up to pay someone to do the work.

Yabu, I second everything tiptoptoe has said.

You've got to start thinking of this as your home, as you obv already do hence the 10,000 spent on it, and just be grateful for any help you get with jobs around the house.

Are you paying them to do the work or are they doing it as a favour?

It's a bit complicated because you are renting the house, so usually in that situation they are responsible for the jobs being done. In that situation though you wouldn't normally be paying for it.

But you're going to buy the house eventually and if you had already it would be your responsibility. It's a tricky one.

Did they agree to do the work before you moved in as part of the whole agreement?

Seeing as you have invested so much money in the house I would try to buy it as soon as possible in case something goes tits up and the ILs change their mind!

Of course YABU. You and DH need to do more for yourselves or save up for someone to do it. Most of those jobs are not as hard as you might think anyway. Your in laws help must have saved you quite a bit of money already and cost them a lot of time. You should be grateful for their generosity and not throw it back in their face.

I think 7 weeks post any birth is the wrong time to learn any DIY, but coving, fencing, kitchen floor and kick boards and possibly tiling are all jobs I'd tackle myself - and in some cases have done.

Why don't you cuddle up on the sofa with the baby and hit up YouTube for tutorials?

We don't have a formal agreement with the PILs as we get on really well, the rest of you are right I just need to bite the bullet and have a go.
I think I new it already but needed telling.

Might kick DH and daughter out this afternoon and have a go at the tiling

I understand what it is like to be no good at DIY, no one in my family is (I'm not too bad!) but there must be some jobs on that list that you/your DH could do. Go through the list and divide it up into what you two will try, what you will ask FIL/BIL advice about, what you could get a handyman to do and what you will leave for the ILs.

I know a woman who taught herself to plaster and did her whole house. You might also be able to do the tiling. She started in the room which mattered the least in case it wasn't perfect. Seeing as it's just a utility room then that should be ok.

Personally for me, I don't touch anything that requires power tools, I am way to clumsy! But will try most other things!

Might kick DH and daughter out this afternoon and have a go at the tiling

Good for you! My bathroom needs doing and might give it a go myself. A bit nervous though!

Have I missed the point? Why is it their responsibility to do up your house? They have already bought you a house and I bet you aren't paying the going rent for rents are you?

Ask around or look for local ads and get an odd job man to come and finish off the work.

I think it is your DH that you need to be cross with.. he wants to try having a go at doing some DIY, he might find he is more than capable of doing it.

Do you have a spare room? Could you let someone live in it rent free for an agreed period in exchange for doing DIY?

Congrats on the baby!

I think you've realised YAB a bit U. However, if you don't manage to tile the bathroom yourself 7 weeks after a c section and with a newborn to look after, I wouldn't blame you.

Get someone in to do the bits that are bothering you most.

wooly let me know when you find someone like that

woollyideas Are there live-in DIYers to rent then? Do you get them from an agency? What on earth are the chances of finding a good DIYer who is in need of a room to rent for a short term fixed period of time!

YABU. Count your lucky stars and stop being so ungrateful.

Yes, actually I did have one. Got him off spareroom.co.uk. He was looking for short term accommodation and had very limited income. He was a plasterer by trade, but could turn his hand to most things. I also had a female lodger who had reduced rent in exchange for one night babysitting when DD was little. Am looking for a keen gardener now!

Try Gumtree.

Take it slow and steady, and you'll find that you and DH can do a lot of that yourselves really. in our house, DH and I have done most of what you need finishing - except fitting shower.

Tiling is fine once you do it slowly - use the spacers, ues enough tile cement to fix them securely but not so much that you've got splodges coming out the back (start with an inconspicuous area), put on rubber gloves and have fun with the grouting (I found an icelolly stick helpful for getting a smooth finish after I'd pushed it in, leave it to dry before rubbning excess off front of tiles with dry cloth - but not days on end so it stays stuck to them) - and you'll have one job done!!

Good luck!

YABU, I have a similar problem in that DH is useless at DIY and I'm waiting for his dad to do some jobs for us, but he doesn't owe us anything so I just have to wait, frustrating isn't it, I get more annoyed that my dh won't attempt them than at ILs I'm just glad his dad can do them or we'd be spending a fortune.

I don't think they owe us anything, and I'm certainly grateful for what they've done, which is why I've not pestered them about it, but when they've promised time and time again they'll come back and don't it does get frustrating!
Yes we are paying the going rent. My inlaws had a bad experience putting their money up for investment and so wanted something they'd get a good return on, so yes we pay the same as everyone else!
All our rooms have either us or a child in them, so unfortunately we can't get a live in DIYer (wish we could)
Starting to get a bit defensive here. I really do love my PIL, I know unusual! I just find it frustrating to be half finished!