to expect DH to get the DCs ready for school/nursery when I'm going to work?

[maxpower]

DH & I both work full time. He's a paramedic so works odd shifts. I only went back to work this week after ML and I now work M-F 9-5. On the days DH is working, he's out of the house before the DCs and I wake up. So I have to get up and get all of us ready, drop DS at nursery, drop DD at a friends (who takes her to school) and then drive to work. Those mornings are pretty full on (the biggest challenge being keeping myself looking presentable!).

On the days DH isn't working, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to sort the DCs out, so that I can get myself ready in relative peace. This morning DH didn't get out of bed until I had, I was having to cajole DD into getting ready, DS kept wanting a cuddle/picking up and (understandably) was coming over to me, to which DH seemed oblivious.

When I happened to mention that I'd managed to get 3 of us up, washed, dressed, fed and out of the house by 7.35am yesterday, yet no-one was anywehere near ready at almost 8am this morning, DH started getting arsey.

Don't get me wrong, DH isn't a bad sort, but I just feel it's a bit unfair. When he goes to work, he only has himself to get sorted out. But when I'm going, everyone seems to remain my responsibility. Grr

YANBU at all!

I work in the office M-F 9-3, DH works from home 3 days, and in his office 2 days, on the days he is in the office (has to elave the house at 7am), I do all the getting DS ready stuff as well as getting myself ready, and making lunches for us both. On the days DH works from home, he tends to wrestle DS into clothes, and will do breakfast for him too. In return, I get DS ready 2 days out of 5, and do 5 bedtimes a week. We will probably continue this arrangement when DC2 arrives and I'm on mat leave!

YANBU

DH was doing this to me. I got fed up and now when the kids get up he gets up because I walk into the bedroom switch the light on and tell him to. If necessary I send our 4 yr old in to jump on him...

Also on days when you work, can he not drop the DCs off at school and nursery to lighten the load for you too?

I think he should be doing this as standard.

Someone I know works full time, as does her husband. They have 2 children aged 2 and 3. Every morning he lays in bed until the last possible minute whilst she is up from 6am getting the kids and herself ready for the day. They get in from work, she does tea, tidies up, sorts the kids out, puts them to bed, whilst he goes on the computer. At weekends, he lays in bed until 1 or 2pm whilst again she is up at 6am with the DCs. She says there is no point in asking him to do more as he just won't. I couldnt' and wouldn't put up with that.

dh gets up every week on his day off when I am working gets dd ready in uniform, does her hair, feeds her etc and takes her in. I dont do any of it a its my work day. I know lots of dads that do this and I am talking about ones in their 20s so if they do it and see it as normal I dont see why all the others on this thread and similar cant

Thanks mnetters! Glad to see I'm (mostly) NBU!

^you've only just gone back to work, there are bound to be teething problems.

When I went back after ML and whenever DH and I have changed our jobs/hours etc we give it a week and then sit down and discuss what worked for us and what didn't and then try and come to a compromise about what we will do going forward.^ that's exactly it folkgirl this is a new situation for both of us and I don't want to make him think that I have no faith in him whatsoever by picking him up on this on the first day! I'll give it til the end of next week and then (if we still need to) I'll get it sorted.

Oh and locating DH's wallet and phone. linnie yes, been there, done that too it only took 10 years of living together but he finally takes responsibility for his own phone/watch/wallet

hexagonal that's the way I look at it - they are our DCs, not mine And how can your friend live like that!?

Also on days when you work, can he not drop the DCs off at school and nursery to lighten the load for you too? he definitely does this - that's not up for question. It's more that I had to get the DCs dressed/washed/fed/bags ready etc etc and me, while DH was just sorting himself out on a day when I was going to work and he was staying at home.

He was actually far better this morning. He worked out he could spend time having a shower (always a 20min activity as far as he's concerned) after he'd taken the DCs to nursery/school. I have taken pity on him tonight as his car's broken down so he's waiting for recovery in a deserted car park. Nice.

Yes - it took my DH a bit of time to realise that he had time to have a relaxed breakfast after I had left with the kids rather than trying to grab his breakfast whilst I was handing him a child and pile of school uniform.

Hexagonal - you must know me then. OMG - op you're nbu but I've tried to get my dh to do more on the days I work and it ends up with the school calling me at working asking where ds is at about 9.30!

I only work part time and dh is off work two of those days. Yes, he works horrilbe hours and gets home at around midnight but I'm up until that time doing housework, admin etc having been up since 6.30am. He then sleeps until I wake him up as I'm about to leave for work and ds is dressed, teeth brushed, fed, all books etc ready and he just has to walk him ACROSS THE ROAD and come back goes back to sleep until about 2pm - does zero (we even have ds in after schools on his day off) and picks him up at about 5.45 from across the road and waits for me to come home and deal.

But if I don't do what I do ds is late for school and I get calls at work etc, ds teeth not brushed, no school book ready.

So it just do it. But I do resent it a bit.

Op, I have a dh who works similar shifts and I work 9-5 and he never gets up on his days off either unless he's shouted out of bed by ds. I just live with it to be honest, he gets days off in the week when ds is at nursery. I get days off at weekends even though they are days off with ds to look after. I don't have the luxury of days off all to myself. If his days off fall on a weekend (twice a month) then I get a lie in.

giveitago - have you thought about asking the school to call your DH rather than you if the children are late? Seeing as they aren't late when you take them it's not like he'd be overwhelmed with daily calls, but it might put more pressure on him to get them ready and be on time on the days he's doing it.

Trots, great plan. But no matter how much I creep around at 6am DCs wake up the second I think about turning on the shower. So then they are tired and grumpy and I am no closer to ready.