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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie to my mum about this

39 replies

PingPongPom · 22/02/2012 18:46

I'm going to a gay wedding celebration next month. Worked with one of the couple years ago and have known his DP since they got together about 16 years ago. They've already tied the knot and are having a big party, I'm taking DH and our DC (children welcome at the do) :).

My parents are evangelical born again christians. They are homophobic in the extreme and very judgemental. They are also 76 & 80 and have been like this since their 20s so not likely to change their opinions.

I wouldn't necessarily have a problem saying to my dad we were going as he is a quiet man. My mum however will go on and on and on about it. I can't bear the thought of having to justify why these people are my friends and have her ram outdated Biblical homophobia at me for the next however many years (and she will) :(. The party is in London so we're making a weekend of it so I have no chance of just not mentioning we're going, she phones regularly and likes to know what we're up to. I was thinking I would say we're going to a wedding of my old friend and let her assume it is a woman he is marrying.

AIBU to do this, it kind of feels disrespectful to my friends that i'm somehow ashamed or something :( DC know it's a gay wedding (they're 8 & 11) and think nothing of it - they have a gay uncle on DH's side (something else I haven't mentioned to parents even though he came out about 10 years ago). So they happily see gay relationships as normal.

OP posts:
FilterCoffee · 22/02/2012 20:47

Agree with StrandedBear. They give you their opinions without any concern as to whether they offend you, so why should you tiptoe around them?

Original poster
PingPongPom · 22/02/2012 20:54

Filter - because I'm respectful of them and they are my parents and I love them despite their faults. They will take standing up to them about this as a personal attack on their faith and it will cause huge grief for them. Best to spare them I think. My gay friends won't give a flying fuck if I've told my parents or not.

OP posts:
FilterCoffee · 22/02/2012 20:57

It's really not disrespectful to them to just state where you are going, IMHO. Their reaction is their responsibility and their problem, not yours. But it's your choice, and you know them better than we do, of course :)

springydaffs · 22/02/2012 20:58

oh I have met them Pom! What I mean is that I don't recognise this as, well, christian. It's appalling and repulsive imo. I bet Jesus had gay people in his circle of friends - I just plain BET.

Sounds like you've got more than this issue with your mum. I married a very controlling guy, also a christian, so let's not think this sort of thing isn't alive and well in the church.

Do watch the episode of Midwives. I know it sounds like a crap idea but there was something splendid about the way Chummy stood up to her horrid mother, after being seriously cowed by her. Midwives is a bit syruppy but I love it but imo the fear Chummy had about her mum was very well portrayed imo.

springydaffs · 22/02/2012 20:59

lots of my opinion in that there post

FilterCoffee · 22/02/2012 21:01

Yes Chummy was fab! :o

Original poster
PingPongPom · 22/02/2012 21:10

I've not seen the midwife series, must download it I think.

I would put money on St Paul being gay actually, too much of the 'protesting too much' in his letters to Corinthians etc.

Evangelical born agains put a whole new level of judgemental into Christianity. Their attitudes are a huge reason why I turned my back on Christianity - along with not actually believing in God :o

Guess I'm just looking for an easy life!

OP posts:
springydaffs · 22/02/2012 21:18

Here you go Pom

I'm really sorry you've had such a terrible experience of 'christianity'. It's abuse, you know. It was a reief when I heard the phrase 'religious abuse'. Mind you, not a 'relief' that I experienced it iyswim, but a relief that it had been categorised and was recognised. It does your head in ime Sad

flibbertywidget · 22/02/2012 21:18

PPP - Just don't tell them who/what. simples?

Original poster
PingPongPom · 22/02/2012 21:31

Thanks Springy, yes it is abuse - I've been accused of being melodramatic when I've said that in the past but I've had some help and have pretty much sorted my head out around it all - it only took 20 years or so! But I do try and limit my conversation around Christianity around my parents.

OP posts:
Eaglewings · 22/02/2012 22:56

So sorry that the minority of Christians give the faith a bad name
I'm a Born Again Christian and have no problems with same sex relationships.

springydaffs · 23/02/2012 11:38

Yes, it's a minority, I should've stressed that - apologies.

Eaglewings · 23/02/2012 12:09

No need for apologies springdaffs, you have been fair in your posts and thoughtful to OP
Love the name btw

GrendelsMum · 23/02/2012 13:09

LOLling at the suggestion that St Paul was gay. He certainly had some sort of problem with women...

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