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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be cross with my work colleague for setting back women's rights by a century office?

34 replies

dameflamingo · 22/02/2012 13:58

I work for a small family firm and have a colleague who, whenever faced with any task over and above the exact outline of her job description starts babbling to management and anyone who will listen about how its unreasonable to expect 'women' in the organisation to do 'insert task, treat whatever'. It's been said so many times in the past twelve months that I am starting to get concerned about the repercussions to other and future female employees and I am furious because this person does not represent me and it is hard enough to be taken seriously as a committed worker and a woman in the industry we work in.

Examples of the behaviours include: recently when our company offered to put on an annual free outing for all staff (starting this October) (yeah - nice if you can get it heh?) this person complained that it was unreasonable to expect 'women' to be at a location more than 15 miles from the main office because they have husbands and children to get home to. It now looks likely that the perk may be temporarily shelved as it is meeting 'such resistance' - in reality it is just the one very vocal person who is whipping up such a fuss.

To a bunch of male colleagues on another person going on maternity leave ' I bet you wish you could have a year off! I just sat with my feet up for my maternity leave... then when I came back I could decide what hours I fancied doing.. '

On being left alone in the office for an hour (daytime) because she chose not to attend a training course because she would finish more than 15 minutes from home. 'Its not safe , and as a woman I should not be left on my own - anything could happen to me and you'd be liable'.

Anyone think I'm being unreasonable to want to give her an unwomanly and figurative shake!?? I know that its general malingering with an excuse but it makes my blood boil that the excuse is 'because I'm a girl'.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/02/2012 14:05

It's taken MANY women a long time to fight for and get these rights... your colleague simply does not have the power to 'set womens' rights back'. However, you could tell her that she's being ridiculous, which she clearly is. It sounds as if you think she's 'using' being a woman to get out of things she doesn't want to do, get home early, etc. Tell her.

I agree with you and I certainly wouldn't let her refer to herself as a 'girl'' either, she's an adult woman. Shock

ChaoticAngel · 22/02/2012 14:10

YANBU Is there any way you can counteract these things she says. Point out that men have wives and children to get home to.

insertwittyusernamehere · 22/02/2012 14:14

YANBU, she's ridiculous and that would piss me off too. I would speak up whenever she makes these comments and make it clear that it is herself that she is speaking for and not all women.

woollyideas · 22/02/2012 14:14

Ooh, she sounds very annoying. I would just challenge her every single time she says these things and make it clear that not all women are such drips. eg. Outing? Sounds great. And when she complains that it's 15 miles away remind her that she's got months to sort out appropriate husband care if he's really can't be left home alone for a while. Make a joke of it, it possible, but challenge it!

hideschocolateinthesofa · 22/02/2012 14:16

YANBU. Tell her she's a twat. How old is she?

MaisyMooCow · 22/02/2012 14:18

Be careful what you say to her, being a woman she is likely to be sensitive Grin

Sidge · 22/02/2012 14:19

What a nightmare, she sounds hideous to work with!

Can you call her on it every time she opens her gob? Every time she makes such a stupid comment say something along the lines of "speak for yourself", "don't talk like you're a spokesperson for all women because you're not".

What does the boss think of her verbal tripe?

cocolepew · 22/02/2012 14:21

Next time she says something say "you're not speaking for women you're speaking for yourself".

Or kick her under the desk.

OliverTwit · 22/02/2012 14:22

Tell her in front of your male counterparts to grow the fuck up. Make it obvious that it's only her point of view not everyone's.

OliverTwit · 22/02/2012 14:24

sorry I should have said whenever she says her crap rather than in front of the men, I was clumsy Blush
Anyhoo tell tell her to STFU

GrahamTribe · 22/02/2012 14:31

Jesus H Christ! How the hell have you kept your temper with her so far? Shock

I'd definitely call her on every dumbass comment she made, particularly about not going more than 15 miles from home. I recommend, "You may have a husband who's incapable of looking after himself and the children he helped conceive. Mine's more than able to run the house and children and so please don't try to speak for anyone than yourself." I'd be making damn sure that I said it loudly and in front of the entire office too.

BeamMysterious · 22/02/2012 14:34

Is she an older lady? She needs to be told, in no uncertain terms, that the views she expresses, are hers and hers alone, and the majority of women do not feel the same way.

NeedlesCuties · 22/02/2012 14:39

Is she taking the piss or is she serious?

I really don't envy you having to work with her, she sounds pathetic.

YANBU

NatashaBee · 22/02/2012 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bringbacksideburns · 22/02/2012 15:26

YANBU. Bloody tell her next time!! Silly woman.

KRITIQ · 22/02/2012 15:33

YANBU, she's just being lazy and using her sex as an excuse. More pity your bosses if they accept it. Yes, they have to take into account individual employee's situations and do nothing that would treat them unfavourably because of their sex, but none of the things she is citing would fit into this category.

I think I'd talk to my line manager about how your colleague's behaviour is having a negative impact on your morale and is an obstacle to you achieving your required outputs and outcomes, or somesuch.

BelleDameSansMerci · 22/02/2012 15:35

I'd confront her and state that she certainly doesn't speak for you or the majority of women.

TwllBach · 22/02/2012 15:40

I work with someone like this too - although it's only one of the exccuses she uses. Generally, it will be something like "oh I can't change the fuse, I'm a woman" simper simper. I counteract it by rolling me eyes, refraining just from swearing and pulling out the screwdrivers.

Avenged · 22/02/2012 15:42

How the heck do you put up with her OP?

eurochick · 22/02/2012 15:47

I think I would challenge the comments too. In respect of the away day or I would say something like "well I for one and am looking forward to it and am sure my husband is quite capable of managing along for a few hours", etc.

TalkinPeace2 · 22/02/2012 15:49

YANBU
I agree with the "speak for yourself" approach every time she does it

woollyideas · 22/02/2012 15:53

Beam 'Is she an older lady?'

This kind of question annoys me. I'm an old gimmer; it doesn't make me weak, pathetic, wanting to pander to men or promote a notion of 'poor ickle me... I'm only a woman who can't change a lightbulb...'

What's the woman's age got to do with this?

Enough with the casual ageism.

woollyideas · 22/02/2012 15:53

And less of the 'lady' too! Grin

roseum · 22/02/2012 15:55

re maternity leave - point out to her that the law changed last april, and men can now take the last 6 months of the maternity leave, or a portion thereof, if their partner returns to work before the year is up. also, as far as I know, re requesting reduced hours/ changed working schedule, any parent can do so, not just the mother!

OrmIrian · 22/02/2012 15:55

Watch out! You'll be accused of being a RadFem bully if you're not careful Wink

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