Well meaning mum, or not so much?

[SomethingOriginal]

Hello I'm new! waves

Just wanted some mumsy opinions please...

I'll try and keep this short -

I live with my parents, am mid 20s, have a lovely bf of 5 months who is around a fair bit.

Now, do you think it was odd of my mother to spend the only spare time I had yesterday ( a good hour and a half by the way) informing me of all the faults she could find with my OH, and then get miffed when I tried explaining some of them
(Mum thinks he doesn't talk enough to them, I have told her he's shy and is an only child compared to our big family... Her answer is to not talk to him until he talks to her)

Am I making excuses, or is my mum nitpicking because her only DD is not around all the time anymore?? Or the immortal line she came out with " no one will be good enough for you, although he is a bit better than your last bf" err... thanks mum!

To be honest I'm a bit at the whole thing... bit piggy in the middle really.

Hopefully an outside view should help :)

You might have to give a better example of her saying he doesn't talk much...you saying he's shy and her saying she'll talk to him when he talks to her.

If someone's shy, it's sometimes best not to 'force' them to talk...he might appreciate your Mum waiting until he's comfortable enough to initiate a conversation?

Yes it's a bit odd to spend an hour doing that...you say you're mid 20s, perhaps it's time to stop living with your parents - it may be that your DM still sees you as a child and so thinks that she can be a little more involved in your relationship than she ought to be? It sounds like the sort of thing a parent of a teenager might say to their child about an 'unsuitable' friend!

What flissplaps said

Mother criticises bf. That's just what they do isn't it? Unless it's part of long running problems with her I'd just ignore it.

Not sure if that's a 'mumsy' opinion though.

I think parental interference and unsolicited advice is always going to be a problem if you live with your parents. It's why most of us leave home :o

Very odd.

Suggest to her that your oh finds her too loud and is glad not to speak to her. No don't.

If she tries it again, tell her that it none of her business and as "no one will be good enough" she needs to keep her opinions to herself.

I don't get why mums do this tbh.

The immediate expectation of 'a relationship with my daughter is a relationship with me' bollocks.
If you are happy with your boyfriend then that should be enough. 5 months isn't really that long imo and your mum should not be expecting too much.

Of course, if he is spending a lot of time in your parents house and making her feel awkward in her own home then I suppose you need to either hang around elsewhere, ask boyf to try to be more sociable or just get your own place

Well she paid you a back handed compliment really, but massively insulted DP in the process.

Perhaps watch Some LIke it Hot together and then when the last line is delivered (nobody's perfect) you can shout aint that the truth!
Failing that, suggest to DP some topics of conversation. It isn't nice being ignored in your own house and it sounds like that's how your mum feels. Could they do something together one day?

Argh... typed a whole response and lost it.

flywiththecrows - that sort of expectation was mentioned too. If my OH has me, he has all of us type thing.

DeWe - that did make me chuckle.

I have been looking at houses, and my mum knows this is sort of on the horizon which might not have helped. She has the opinion that if I \ We do get a house, it's purely so that my OH can have me all to himself and not have to share...

Bit vocal my mum as well, so she'll have spouted this all off to everyone else in my family at least twice before telling me any of it.

Does take me back to the teenage years mind, couldn't do much right then either seemed like lol

Definitely time to get your own place and establish a more adult relationship with your mum.